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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to meet the head after DS's privacy was violated by another child?

229 replies

Chocstar · 08/01/2020 22:14

When my DS (Y5) was getting changed for PE in the changing rooms, another boy pulled my son's pants down at the front such that his privates could be seen. This happened twice. I consider the nature to which my DS's privacy to have been violated very serious indeed. The middle management at my DS's school spoke to the boy and phoned his mum and consider the incident resolved. I am not happy with the way it's been dealt with and would like to speak to the head. I have requested a meeting but I have been told that I can meet with the middle management and that the head will be kept informed. AIBU to want to see the head regarding such a serious incident?

OP posts:
Astrabees · 09/01/2020 15:54

I was a criminal defence solicitor for over 25 years and was a member of 4 Duty Solicitor schemes before I changed career, I think I know what the police would do, I have experience of similar cases.

MamaKarmaLlama · 09/01/2020 16:04

Yep. That's right, lets get the police involved....better still lynch the poor sod. I mean Jesus. This thread is nuts.

Karenisbaren · 09/01/2020 16:09

MamaKarmaLlama I agree.

aroundtheworldyet · 09/01/2020 16:11

It is officially one of the most bonkers threads I have ever read
I can’t believe half the people commenting are real or living in the real world

BIgBagofJelly · 09/01/2020 16:22

I never believe the 'qualifications' people claim for themselves on MN. Sexusl assault has to involve sexusl touching that didn't occur here. It's obviously ridiculous to involve the police.

elenacampana · 09/01/2020 16:50

In today’s climate, a meeting with the Safeguarding Lead is not an unreasonable request in my view and the SL may well be the Head. However, some of the comments about the police, expulsion etc does seem rather alarmist and OTT. There is an element of the villagers coming out with their pitchforks to defend themselves on Mumsnet at times.

I would want to know as an educator that a) my school was doing enough to protect the child who has already been effected from the same behaviour and similarly protect other children from the same or similar. I would also want the caregivers of the child to know what actions were in place, where appropriate. b) the child doing the action is also under my care and I would be looking further into it to see if it pinpoints an underlying issue of which there are so many possibilities that I won’t list them here.

Ultimately, it is not and should not be as simple as expel a ‘problem’ child. Those days are behind us.

I hope you resolve the issue to your satisfaction OP and that it doesn’t happen again to your child or any others in the class.

LolaSmiles · 09/01/2020 16:51

aroundtheworldyet
It happens a lot on threads regarding schools and safeguarding. There's some posters with relevant first hand experience who can offer decent, well informed advice (even if they differ in opinions on some elements), and then there's the angry crowd or cheerleaders who think the answer to everything is to call Ofsted, demand to see the head, contact the governors, call the police etc. The sad thing is that it gets in the way of decent advice that might help posters resolve their situation.

creaturcomforts · 09/01/2020 18:02

My daughter was in year 3 when a boy pulled her trousers and pants down, and those of another girl. The school was on top of things straight away and had informed me and other parent by end of the day.

I met with her teacher who said they would take action and took it very seriously, spoke to the parents of the boy involved and they boy himself, as well as another boy who was there.

I would not have known about it and thought the school took it seriously enough and I was just as shocked and worried but this went some way to reassure me that it would not happen again.

Personally I think this sort of action should be taken as well as being able to raise it with and speak to the headteacher.

Best of luck op, hope things work out

busybarbara · 09/01/2020 19:45

it wouldn't be classed as sexual assault since no one touched anything

So if a stranger pulled your knickers down in public, you wouldn’t classify it as sexual assault I take it?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 09/01/2020 19:46

I would look at the school complaints policy and follow the initial stages of that. I would request to speak to the middle management person you spoke to again, to air your concerns and ask for further clarification etc. If that isn't satisfactory then I would escalate as per the complaints policy.

I don't think you need to speak to the Head straight away without trying to resolve it with the initial person first.

Grumpydad1540 · 09/01/2020 19:48

I’d have laughed. Get a grip

Wh0leCl0ves · 09/01/2020 19:49

The child was spoken to and his mother rung. What more do you want op? He is 9. Confused

Wh0leCl0ves · 09/01/2020 19:51

Youth Caution.Grin

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 09/01/2020 19:54

@Grumpydad are you for real? This was not a prank. The Head should be involved and it should be taken very seriously, although reporting it to the police is a step too far.

Wh0leCl0ves · 09/01/2020 19:58

What is the head supposed to do other than speak to the child and ring his mother?

JacquesHammer · 09/01/2020 20:01

I’d have laughed

Please tell me you don't have children.

Grumpydad1540 · 09/01/2020 20:03

@JacquesHammer I have a daughter and a son...my daughter is sat next to me now...we pissed ourselves laughing at this ridiculousness and she agrees with me...stop frothing

Grumpydad1540 · 09/01/2020 20:05

@Mushypeasandchipstogo yes I’m for real.

JacquesHammer · 09/01/2020 20:06

I have a daughter and a son...my daughter is sat next to me now...we pissed ourselves laughing at this ridiculousness and she agrees with me...stop frothing

Poor imaginary kids.

Grumpydad1540 · 09/01/2020 20:07

My daughter thanks you for the concern...but she’s laughing even more now

JacquesHammer · 09/01/2020 20:09

If you're going to invoke children who laugh with abandon at something on a forum, you may wish to ensure constancy of posting.

Do pass on the joke, I'm sure "she" will be rolling in the aisles.

Wh0leCl0ves · 09/01/2020 20:10

I think I feel sorry more for kids with parents that think young children who make a childish mistake need to be frogmarched off to the police and cautioned. The police aren’t interested in house break ins I’d love to see their reaction to trouser pulling. It’s not ok but honestly one wonders what else gets blown out of proportion in such house holds .Sad

dognamedspot · 09/01/2020 20:13

"It happens a lot on threads regarding schools and safeguarding. There's some posters with relevant first hand experience who can offer decent, well informed advice (even if they differ in opinions on some elements), and then there's the angry crowd or cheerleaders who think the answer to everything is to call Ofsted, demand to see the head, contact the governors, call the police etc. The sad thing is that it gets in the way of decent advice that might help posters resolve their situation."
This... and if you're really lucky you're turned on for trying to give the right advice and told off.

Grumpydad1540 · 09/01/2020 20:21

@JacquesHammer sorry, not sure what you mean

FranticToddlerMum · 09/01/2020 20:47

Wow this thread is insane. Kids will make mistakes. It's not acceptable and this boy probably knew it was a naughty thing to do but decided to be silly and go ahead and do it. He's been spoken to at school and at home. It hasn't happened again since. No one was traumatised. Talk of police and the headmaster. Why is the headmaster meant to be getting involved? He probably doesn't know either child or parents so is less qualified to deal with it than the relevant teacher.

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