AIBU to want to meet the head after DS's privacy was violated by another child?

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When my DS (Y5) was getting changed for PE in the changing rooms, another boy pulled my son's pants down at the front such that his privates could be seen. This happened twice. I consider the nature to which my DS's privacy to have been violated very serious indeed. The middle management at my DS's school spoke to the boy and phoned his mum and consider the incident resolved. I am not happy with the way it's been dealt with and would like to speak to the head. I have requested a meeting but I have been told that I can meet with the middle management and that the head will be kept informed. AIBU to want to see the head regarding such a serious incident?

As a cub scout leader (8-10 year olds) I have to deal with boys in close confines to each other fairly regularly and specifically pulling someone's pants down is a prank/ normal thing and I have to remind children at least one a year that it's not acceptable. I don't think any of them are sexually harassing each other they're just immature.

I mean assuming it never happens again surely the incident is resolved, if your son only told you and the teacher the second time the two incidents are kind of one incident because school has only had a chance to resolve it once. From the sounds of things, there was an issue and it was resolved but I guess your entitled to have the HT reassure you of that.

I disagree, I don’t think it’s outside of normal behaviour for a 9 year old, especially a 9 year old boy.

That smacks of 'boys will be boys' mentality. At that age, they should know very well that some things are private and just do no pull undewear down. Not yours, not someone else. I expect better from a Y5 boy.

I also think that saying its a prank or a normal thing is normalising things. Its too much of 'oh well, its not great bit its not that bad either is it??'.

Where do people thnk the boundaries are re being acceptabvle when it comes to people genitals? when its a boy doing that to a girl? When there is some touching going on too? when would you expect a boundary to be crossed?
Even if its just thos ehcilren being immature, then two things should happen

• if they are immature, then they shouldt be left alone
• if somethings like this happen, it should be dealt with swiftly AMD STRIONGLY because even if its them being immature, its still totally wrong and that should be drummed into them. Because tbh, I wouldnt want those same children 'who were just immature' not acually gettng the msaage and still be playing the game of 'lets have a look at someone else genitals' 'as a prank' when they are in Y7-8 (and for example, for doing it on girls too - see the upskirting issue too)

Many apologies: should have said First Response. Not LADO.

Children 'tell their story' in acting out.

I hope the school takes a closer interest in where this inappropriate behaviour is coming from.

My DS only told me after the second time it'd happened. He told me the day before the end of last term, so there hasn't been much time to see if how the school has dealt with it so far has been effective.
So since the school were made aware a day before the end of term, they've dealt with it, and spoken to the child's parents, there's been the holidays, we're 4 days into the new term with no further concerns.

It very much sounds like you're falling into the misplaced belief that unless the head meets with a parent then it's not being taken seriously.

Put it this way, if every parent who had an issue sought a meeting with the head because no other school leader is good enough to prove its being taken seriously, nothing would get done in schools.

Why don't you see what happens from the school's response so far before demanding a meeting with the head over a situation that has so far been resolved.

If someone had exposed my 10yo child's genitals against their will, twice, I would go to the police.

BGJ I totally agree, this is really pretty serious stuff.

If someone had exposed my 10yo child's genitals against their will, twice, I would go to the police.

And what do you think the police would do? The boy is likely to be 9.

To those wondering why I feel the need to speak to the head:

I would like to hear directly from him what his views are regarding the incident. Even if he doesn't say it explicitly, I would be able to get a feel for whether he thinks this is just 'boys will be boys' or whether he feels that this is a serious matter and if so, how serious. I would also like to hear his opinion on whether he considers it bullying and/or a safeguarding issue.

Is it likely to just be childish stupidity? Yes.
Is it acceptable? No.
Does it need to be dealt with? Yes.
Does it need police involvement? No.

Why do you think the "middle management" won't be able to answer your questions? Chances are the head will have to ask them anyway if they are who has dealt with it.

Why do you need to know the head’s views on the matter?

What’s important is what the school is doing to prevent it happening again. Not labelling what has happened.

They have spoken to the other boy and his family. That seems appropriate as a first step and may be enough to ensure it never happens again. If you think something more needs to happen (like supervised changing?) then you can say so to “middle management” ie other teachers.

TBH it seems like you want to see the head because you are angry and want to hear him say it’s serious, rather than because it would actually achieve anything. That’s understandable but rationally you must see that’s not a good use of his time.

A lot of what goes on in school changing rooms ends up being badly managed and dealt with. If this is a known and reported incident then I'd expect the Head to take this seriously and to have emailed/spoken to you. I would also expect the child to have been sufficiently reprimanded and the whole class spoken to as a group to establish conduct boundaries.

At secondary school we've had these sorts of issues. It's nearly always the boys for some reason. In one incident, a child was in the loo within the changing rooms, the loo has a non functioning lock, boys opened the door. The child reported the incident the boys claimed the door fell open, no one believed that for a minute but - of course - no teacher is present in the changing rooms so the incident can't be dealt with properly.

My god, some of the reactions on this thread..

Look. It's obviously not acceptable behaviour. Perhaps he should know better. BUT. He's 9 years old, willies and bums are funny at that age, not sexual. It's not like it's the teacher pulling his pants down.

Yes, the child in question should be spoken to and it should be explained that it isn't acceptable behaviour. He should be given an age-appropriate explanation about why this is the case.

At the moment in which he did it, he will have done so for a laugh. Okay, so it's bad judgement. I remember the lads in my school when I was that age, and they used to moon at the girls all the time, and we'd tell the teachers. They didn't turn into rapists (actually one did, but that's beside the point..)

But a child of that age, with a mostly innocent knowledge of the world around him, would have little to no idea of how important it is to keep sexual organs private, or have a concept or abuse or rape or anything like that. And in a way, that's good. Let the childlike innocence go on for as long as possible. You're all only having this reaction because you know the real world in much darker detail.

This child is not a sexual predator.

For goodness sake. Bullying? Police? Expulsion? Sexual assault?

Blimey. I'd hate to be in court if you lot were on the jury.

@SunshineAngel, but not taking a strong stance 9as it was in your case seeing that the behaviour just continued), means the children have been taught that

• actually its not that bad for boys to behave that way. It starts the way to upskirting and other sexually led behaviour in teenagres and adults.
• girls shouod out with it. Its just a game etc... so they are ncely taught to accept things that arent acceptable (no chpice - you told the teacher an nothing changed as they continued....).

The prpblem is NOT that its a sexually charged behaviour in a Y5 boy (whiohc might wlel be 10yo rather than 9 btw). Its the general message the school is giving to children about how inappropriate that behaviour is. Schools dont react that way to racist commenst, even when the child says something wo no malicious ntenton/thy dndt get it could be taken as insult. The child goes into a register saying they mde racist comments. So why not taking an stance that is as harh for behaviour that WILLbe sexual in a couple of years time? why is it ok to be more lenient for those?

But a child of that age, with a mostly innocent knowledge of the world around him, would have little to no idea of how important it is to keep sexual organs private

The kid is 10 - you're telling me children of 10 don't understand how important it is to keep their genitalia private?

*could be 10

The head has spoken to the child and the child's parents. I'd say thats issue resolved unless anything further occurs. Calling the police for a bit of stupidity/relatively ild (and hopefully isloated) bullying by a 10 year old? Hmmm...

But a child of that age, with a mostly innocent knowledge of the world around him, would have little to no idea of how important it is to keep sexual organs private you’re talking about a 10 year old. what a load of crap

This thread is so depressing to read. Why are children given less respect and boundaries than adults?

If this had happened once, then I would agree that OP may be overreacting. But for it to happen twice, on separate occasions then it's safe to say that how it was handled was not effective. If it happens again, is OP allowed to be upset then? Or does it have to happen 4, 5, 6 times for it to count?

Box the school only knew about it after the second time. It wasn’t handled at all after the first time because they didn’t know it had happened.

Eh. So the school only knew after the 2nd incident?!

How many children are in this school?

Op I can’t believe you haven’t taught your son to report incidents like this the first time they happen...

Perhaps he should know better. BUT. He's 9 years old, willies and bums are funny at that age, not sexual. It's not like it's the teacher pulling his pants down.

9 year olds do know that its inappropriate to pull someones pants down, he did it twice, two different times.

I remember the lads in my school when I was that age, and they used to moon at the girls all the time, and we'd tell the teachers. They didn't turn into rapists

mooning is choosing to expose yourself not someone else, huge difference if they were pulling girls knickers down or other boys it is more serious, its against someones will, not their choice

But a child of that age, with a mostly innocent knowledge of the world around him, would have little to no idea of how important it is to keep sexual organs private

they will know that in public places it is not appropriate to take their own pants down, so they would know that its not right to take someone elses pants down. Children much younger know this is not right and for their own safety they should learn from their parents that they have a right to privacy and autonomy with their body, if something makes them uncomfortable they need to be able to say