AIBU to want to meet the head after DS's privacy was violated by another child?

[Chocstar]

When my DS (Y5) was getting changed for PE in the changing rooms, another boy pulled my son's pants down at the front such that his privates could be seen. This happened twice. I consider the nature to which my DS's privacy to have been violated very serious indeed. The middle management at my DS's school spoke to the boy and phoned his mum and consider the incident resolved. I am not happy with the way it's been dealt with and would like to speak to the head. I have requested a meeting but I have been told that I can meet with the middle management and that the head will be kept informed. AIBU to want to see the head regarding such a serious incident?

This is one reason, in thousands, that I would not wish to be a teacher...hysterical parents calling ‘phone the police’... ‘it’s child abuse’...

Would people’s answers be different if a Y5 boy did this to a Y5 girl? At DS’s Primary School I don’t think they changed separately for PE until Y6.

Gosh very over the top comments on here imo- whilst not nice and the boy needs punishment it's not sexual assault ffs

They are children!

Boys and girls change separately at our primary and always have done. That’s very late to be changing together, are you sure?

I do wonder how these children will cope as adults in the real world.

@MamaKarmaLlama
It was a boy doing it to a boy as far as I can see.

It is however bullying

No it isn’t. When the NSPCC came into our school for their “Speak out, stay safe” campaign, they made sure children understood what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t.

aroundtheworld MamaKarma was responding to my query whether responses would be different if a boy had done this to a girl

DS1 here did this to another boy at school years ago. I honestly believe it was motivated by silliness, rather than anything more sinister.

School deal with it appropriately, DS1 got the bollocking of a lifetime at home as well as in school and it's never happened again. I hate the "boys will be boys" thing; boys will be held responsible for the shitty choices they make. But those shouting "phone the police" are being overly aggressive given it's a child making a shitty choice to another child, and it's a situation which can be resolved and prevented from happening again.

OP, I think the Head is massively U for not meeting with you; push further for that and ensure they understand the distress and harm caused by this. However, as parent of a boy who did this, I can hand on heart say the severity of the bollocking and consequences ours was given has ensured it's not happened again - the boy he did it to stays here fairly often as they're close friends now. I privately contacted the parents of the boy he'd done it to and apologised, and fortunately they weren't as cross as some of the parents on here. I am in no way excusing the behaviour, but I do think there's a way to resolve and remedy it.

*That’s not true.

Private prosecutions can and do happen*

You’d still need some evidence presumably

Sorry, but I find you OTT, they are kids in Primary, the school have dealt with it and you seem more bothered about it than your snowflake.
What can the head do that hasn't been done already.

Drabarni why is the child a snowflake?

Those of you stating the age of criminal responsibility is 10 yo, do you think should be?
Having watched the BBC drama Responsible Child recently I’m convinced this is wrong.
I have a 9 year old and this is exactly the kind of silly prank they pull on each other without thinking through the consequences for the person they are pranking. If it was my child who had done it they would be told in no uncertain terms it’s unacceptable and it is not to ever happen again but I wouldn’t expect her to be expelled unless it kept happening.

Just to say that when a boy at DS1's school tried to set him on fire it was only when I said most firmly that I would be contacting the police in relation to an offence of arson with intent to endanger life that any action was taken. They just assumed that there were no witnesses and it was this boys word against my son's, when half the class had seen what happened and wanted to support him. It transpired there was an incredibly dangerous prank going on where people were sprayed with deodorant and the vapour was set alight.
Police is a good suggestion and if the boy concerned is 10 he is above the age of criminal responsibility.

When you say this happened twice , due you mean on two separate occasions or twice during the same changing session ?

What do you think should happen to the child OP ? You feel the matter hasn't been resolved, is the child still attempting to do this to your son or other children ? Does your son feel it has been dealt with appropriately ?

Sorry, but I find you OTT, they are kids in Primary, the school have dealt with it and you seem more bothered about it than your snowflake.

So you would be happy to have your genital exposed to a group of your peers, twice by the same person? . Or do you think children have less rights to privacy as adults? Personally I would be devastated if this happened to me or my child. Calling a child names as you have done is despicable

*than

When I was in school it was called "Doxxing", no idea why

Shit happens.

Don't really know what you expect the school to do about it.

Kids will be kids boys will be boys 🤢

@Astrabees are you equating pulling some boys pants down to being set on fire/endangering life?

As ever on MN threads about schools and safeguarding there's a lot of really unhelpful advice and cheerleading over advice that will actually help the OP resolve the issue.

It is a serious incident and you'd be right to have raised it to school. You've said yourself that it's gone to middle management, the boys parents have been informed, it's resolved and the head has been informed.

The real question is when you say you're unhappy with how it's resolved, what does that mean?
Is it that you think you shouldn't have to go through the appropriate school process and have a bee in your bonnet that the head didn't deal with a situation that they have a leadership team to deal with?
Is it that you have decided what you think the outcome/sanction should be and because it hasn't been resolved your way you're annoyed?
Is it that the situation is ongoing and there's further bullying that suggests the original intervention didn't work effectively?

The reason is that if, as some have on this thread, you've decided that although the situation is resolved the child is a sexual predator, the incident should go straight to the head, the police should have been called and the child in question should be excluded and that hasn't happened then anything less than your chosen outcome isnt good enough would be very different to a situation where you acknowledge school have acted but following that the original actions haven't worked and so you need to escalate further.

OP, what is your ideal outcome in this situation? I think you need to be clear in your mind about what you want.

Thanks for all your views.

Just to clarify, this happened on two separate occasions.

Re what I'd like the school to do about - I'm not 100% happy with how it has been dealt with and consider it a serious enough issue to be 'allowed' to talk to the head about it and I'm becoming increasingly pissed off that the head still will not meet with me.