AIBU to want to meet the head after DS's privacy was violated by another child?

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When my DS (Y5) was getting changed for PE in the changing rooms, another boy pulled my son's pants down at the front such that his privates could be seen. This happened twice. I consider the nature to which my DS's privacy to have been violated very serious indeed. The middle management at my DS's school spoke to the boy and phoned his mum and consider the incident resolved. I am not happy with the way it's been dealt with and would like to speak to the head. I have requested a meeting but I have been told that I can meet with the middle management and that the head will be kept informed. AIBU to want to see the head regarding such a serious incident?

It's an unpleasant, silly thing to do but I'm not sure what else you want to happen. The school need to make it clear it's unacceptable - apparently they have done. What else could possibly happen? The school acted immediately on being informed and nothing further has happened.

I disgree. If the issue happened twice, then the way the school has dealt with it clearly hasnt been to the point at east the first time.

Plus the school has acted on it can mean a lot of different things.
It coud be vague telling with a 'Stop being silly in the changing room. You dont put people's pants down.' Done by the teacher and said away from everyone else as a 'quiet word'.
or it could be sending the child for a bollocking by the HT followed by stern words to the whole class on how inappropriate that behviour is.

Fwiw at my dcs primary, the HT would have gone down the second option. Ive seen him doing the same with issue of inappropriate behaviour through Instagram etc (think sending picture of their bum etc...). This was taken VERY serioulsy - children were Y5 too. But it was treated as children 'just being silly' and 'not knowing the sexual side of what they were doing'

Sorry it was NOT treated as children being silly ...

The school only knew of it when it was reported to them. Which was on the instance of the second incident.

So the school dealt with it. Swiftly

This is all because the HT can’t/won’t meet with her. I would imagine this is for a reason. Which is probably not “can’t be bothered”

What do people expect the police to actually do?

I mean, if it were reported to them.

We don't know what the posters expectations are.

True.
Hence my asking the question.

But I'm trying to imagine what action could/would be taken if someone called the local police (or maybe it's a 999 matter?) to tell them that one 9 year old had pulled another 9 year old's pants down in the changing room. Twice!

I know "log it with 101" is another MN favourite. I'm not sure what that would achieve either.

If the child was 10 I wold expect the child be be interviewed under caution with his mother or other appropriate adult, at a police station.
The actions could be classified as a common assault or sexual assault.
If the offender admitted the offence I would anticipate a Youth Caution would be the appropriate action, if not then he would be taken to the youth court. If the police decided they were not going to take the matter further then the experience of detention would be a real lesson not to behave in this way again.

The most senior person in the organisation is not necessarily the one to provide you with the answers you need

Exactly. At one point our headteacher sent out a letter to parents to make this point.
The lesson who knows the children, the background, has access to witnesses etc, is middle management. The head of year is the first port of call for any pastoral problem for this reason.
Heads now are busy dealing with finance, governance and statistics, and if they get a call from a parent like the OP, they pass it straight to the person who actually manages that area.

Basically our head pointed that out to parents, outlined who was responsible for what, and said that it would save parents a lot of time if they go straight to the person who can answer their questions. And most of the time it wouldn't be her.

Good grief!

Well, you sound like you know what you're talking about.

Not sure it's a great use of police time, but if it's the law...

Oh wow he's 9. No police necessarily, just needs it explained to him that he is not to do it again as it's very inappropriate, and disciplined accordingly.

This thread is proof that mumsnet is just no reflection of the real world we live in. The police!!!! I would love to be in the room when that call comes in. Actually, after the call comes in, when the whole office is in hysterics...

@Astrabees

You don't know what you're talking about. It wouldn't be classed as sexual assault since no one touched anything. It also wouldn't be classed as common assault and the police wouldn't get involved since it's very obviously not in the public interest. Good grief!

@Astrabees What a load of crap. That is not what would happen at all. Not even close! The police won't get involved in this in any way. It is appropriate that the school deals with it.

The lesson who knows the children, the background, has access to witnesses etc, is middle management.

Dammit! Person, not lesson. I really must take time to proof read.

I'm assuming if it was an adult doing this to a child it would be a crime of some sort. Not saying the police should be called in this instance, just wondering at what point the police would be interested.

From your update it sounds as though school have acted as soon as they became aware of the problem. It is still early days , given they have only been back at school for a few days , so difficult to tell how effective their approach has been.
How does your son feel about it ? does he feel as though it has been dealt with appropriately ? His feelings in this situation are more important than yours, although I completely understand your upset and anger.

Is the "middle management" you have been asked to speak to the safeguarding lead? If so then the school's response is appropriate, if not then continue to press to speak to the head.

IMO the response from the school thus far is suitable for an incident of this type in Reception when a child might not really understand what they are doing but not for Yr 5.

Some of the posts on here scare me. My son is 8 and he often tells me about similar things to this where all the boys are larking about etc. I completely understand that if it's bullying or done in a nasty way you would be very very angry but boys really do these kind of things all the time. Pull their trousers and moon at each other etc. They think its hilarious. My son has never done anything like this that I know of but I would be terrified if the police knocked on my door about a situation like this. Also when they go to high school they will be changing and showering together all the time.
Im very sorry that this has happened to your child and I'm sorry if he's upset about it and you should definitely speak to the head, but people saying to ring the police is over the top

When i was a teenager at school and hanging round at the local park there was a phase of "legging" which was pulling people's trousers down, boys and girls and 13 to 16!!!it was very annoying, or especially when you were wearing poppers tracksuit bottoms, but noone would ever have considered ringing the police!

It really is the duty of parents of boys (and I have a son) to teach their sons to have respect of both their body and other people's (both male and female) I really hate reading on here when something like this happens and you get 'boys will be boys', 'it's just a prank' and 'it will only get worse when they join sports clubs, go to uni, go on a stag do'.

Surely you speak to middle management (guessing dep head) then if your not happy you take it further to head and govenors

Snugglemonster84 behaviour like that will probably involve phones and social media now. Another reason why we have to teach our children to be more careful and considerate nowadays.

Op in your shoes i would be opening up a 'paper' email trail up and emailing my concerns to the head directly.

Then after a meeting with the head i would add to that trail by emailing her what was discussed in person at the meeting and the actions that were agreed upon.

If you then need to take it a step futher and email the school governors with the emails attached. Repeat steps by documenting the governors meeting and need be going up the chain of 'command' outlined in the schools bullying and behaviour policy.

Emails form an important way of documenting issues such as this.

I hope that you get the appropriate outcome that you are seeking, the safety of your child.

saraclara
You're spot on.

I hate this belief that unless someone gets an audience with the head then an issue hasn't been taken seriously.

The point of having middle and senior leaders is to deal with specific areas, not to have them responsible for certain areas unless it's a parent who thinks nothing less than the head will suffice and if they shout loudest then they can bypass responsibility areas.

The OP wants the head's opinion on the issue. Heads have a school to run and appoint leadership teams to do that. The job of a head isn't to delegate areas to a member of the leadership team and then have a separate meeting a matter of days after the issue was resolved in order to share their thoughts.