AIBU to want to meet the head after DS's privacy was violated by another child?

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When my DS (Y5) was getting changed for PE in the changing rooms, another boy pulled my son's pants down at the front such that his privates could be seen. This happened twice. I consider the nature to which my DS's privacy to have been violated very serious indeed. The middle management at my DS's school spoke to the boy and phoned his mum and consider the incident resolved. I am not happy with the way it's been dealt with and would like to speak to the head. I have requested a meeting but I have been told that I can meet with the middle management and that the head will be kept informed. AIBU to want to see the head regarding such a serious incident?

Imagine ringing the police and saying ‘there were kids messing around getting changed for PE and one of the year 5’s pulled a boys pants down as a joke’
I mean seriously. Sexual assault? Get a grip.
If the school have assessed it, dealt with it, punished child and spoken to parents, what exacrtly else do you think should happen?

I would agree with aHenderson, at more Likely 9 years old (considering it is only the start of January in the school year) it is highly unlikely to be sexually motivated, it is more than likely kids messing around getting carried away. The school should take it seriously to ensure that the 9 yo child that did this understands the ramifications of what they did, is appropriately punished and that they are as sure as possible that the child was not displaying signs of sexual abuse.

I am sorry op that your child experienced such a humiliating situation.

CostTails: if you told me to remove my child because you didn’t like what I said, I would talk to my LA and your chair of Governors immediately. You cannot ask parents to do this. It’s a threat and is unacceptable. I’m amazed your parents are so gullible and put up with it. As a former LA Education Officer, I wouldn’t. I’d probably contact a solicitor too. You cannot suggest to a parent that their child is removed if they don’t like what you say. It’s s threat and it’s bullying.

@ahenderson270

Intent does not have to be proven for an investigation to take place, nor does an understanding of sexual drive have to be established for a charge of sexual assault to be brought. In any case, I was not arguing in favour of police action, I was arguing against your accusation of slander. It was nonsense, and you know it. So instead of setting up a straw man argument that I compared this act with that of an adult male committing sexual assault, just accept that you got it wrong.

Wow ! I’ve got three boys and if one of them told me this - I’d just think it’s boys messing around and nothing more !
I can’t believe how differently some people view this !

I think this is totally batshit
I mean utterly batshit

I hope Fidgety31 that you would be discouraging your boys from taking part in ‘pranks’ like this. The problem nowadays with ‘pranks’ like this is that they can quite often involve phone cameras too, which would involve huge issues for not only the victim but the perpetrators too.

I would not have been impressed if this had happened to DS. He is sensitive and has been bullied in the past so would definitely not see it as ‘boys being boys’ (a phrase I absolutely hate as seems to be a get out clause for bad behaviour)

OP are you being referred to middle management as that follows the school’s complaints policy (should be on the school’s website)?

Sexual assault? The police? Come ON!

A silly prank for which, hopefully, the boy will have been seriously admonished.

I would be Pressing charges for sexual assault

Governor here. YANBU. Ask to speak to the safeguarding lead.

@Catsandchardonnay
I was wondering if I should write to the governors, as the head has so far declined to meet with me. What do you think? Too much or OK?

Have you read your schools safeguarding policy op? Then follow what it says. The Governors are not the safeguarding lead. It’s not their role. It’s the role of who is named in the policy. Then speak to the LADO. However be careful what you say. Don’t embroider what your DS said. The contact details will be in the policy. The policy must, by law, be on the schools web site so you don’t have to ask for it.

I don’t think the Head is obliged to see you. However, read the policy.

The LADO is the local authority designated officer. The Head is probably the safeguarding lead in school. You can use the complaints procedure - again its on the web site.

I wonder if the PP on here who are seeing this as more than a prank are people who have done safeguarding training.

Your poor son.

I would be devastated if someone exposed my private parts in front of a group of my peers and don’t see why a child would or should feel differently. I’d definitely ask to speak to the head but I agree it may not amount to assault or criminal behaviour.

YANBU, I'd expect to see the head in those circumstances. A good head or safe guarding lead (it's not always the head) should both be available to talk to you.

Our children are taught from an early age that the parts of their body covered by underpants are private and they should not allow anyone to expose or touch them. The child perpetrator knows this full well and the behaviour is intrusive and bullying. As it's already been repeated, there is an emerging pattern of targeting OP's DD and there may be other victims, too.

Safeguarding policies are clear about children's right to feel safe at school. This child will be feeling stressed and anxious twice every PE lesson so clearly something must be done to put that right.

OP, you have a right to escalate your concerns if you are unhappy and definitely if it happens again or if the perpetrator taunts your DD with jokes or threats about the incidents.

The head should meet you over it of you ask for an appointment. Stress that your DS is not feeling safe when changing. The head will not give you details of what has been said to the perpetrator but it seems to me (decades of education experience) that a sincere apology from the child and a promise never to do it again would be a reasonable expectation. As a school leader I would have sent the 'prankster' to change away from the rest of the class, perhaps in a disabled toilet with my TA outside, to keep the others safe until I was sure he had changed his ways.

It's not over-reacting to take this seriously. Putting a stop to this behaviour may save a heap of secondary girls from having their bra straps pinged or skirts flipped up with a ruler by this child as he grows, not to mention other boys being humiliated.

He needs to learn to keep his hands to himself.

I know it's a DS, not a DD, but s and d are next to each other!

People saying oh he’s only 9/10. The youngest parent in the country fathered a child at 12 (conceived age 11) so to imply 9/10 year olds are all sweet and innocent is very naive. Someone close to me works in child protection and they regularly investigate child on child sexual offences. HOWEVER, none of us know the details of these particular incident so to dismiss it as silly boy behaviour would be wrong but on the other hand to start throwing sexual harassment claims about would be equally wrong. I think OPs question is valid and if I was a headteacher there would be nothing more important in my working day than to protect my pupils and put parents at ease, I would make time to meet with the parents if that put them at ease. I think the headteacher refusing this request is neglectful of their duties.

In the Uk children over the age of 10 have a legal responsibility and the police can be notified if you wish. You can just call the police and ask their advice. Just don't name names until you make your decision.

I think another issue to be considered is that by this is the child who is doing it may be subjected to inappropriate sexual things in his own life so social services should be involved. My friend's 9 year old made a sexual comment at a scout camp and the leaders had to report for safeguarding and her family were investigated by social services.

For those of you who think this is just a silly ‘prank’ what would you say to your DC and the school if you were called in as your DC was the perpetrator?

@ahenderson270

Let's hope it never happens, pet. Because you'd be wasting your money.

I think the police could have a sensible role to play if they (or a community support officer) were able to come in and give a class talk on behaviour and how "pranks" including this and a range of other behaviours are actually criminal behaviour once you reach the age of responsibility. Although these behaviours happen in youngsters I bet there is a correlation between the kids that do them regularly and those that are in trouble with the police as youths or adults.