AIBU to want to meet the head after DS's privacy was violated by another child?

[Chocstar]

When my DS (Y5) was getting changed for PE in the changing rooms, another boy pulled my son's pants down at the front such that his privates could be seen. This happened twice. I consider the nature to which my DS's privacy to have been violated very serious indeed. The middle management at my DS's school spoke to the boy and phoned his mum and consider the incident resolved. I am not happy with the way it's been dealt with and would like to speak to the head. I have requested a meeting but I have been told that I can meet with the middle management and that the head will be kept informed. AIBU to want to see the head regarding such a serious incident?

I think the head should meet you because they should be accessible, but working in a school we do have a set procedure which goes class teacher, then deputy, then head. It doesnt mean the head isnt aware, hasnt done the correct safeguarding procedure and spoken to the child and their parents etc- just your point of contact is lower down. You tend to see the head if you think the class teacher, deputy havent done the right things or enough. So if thats the case push for a meeting feeling clear what 'the more they should have done'is

They are 5. It’s not sexual assault. It’s inappropriate behaviour and the boy concerned needs to have this made clear to him but everyone on here is being hysterical and ridiculous.

@Chocstar I would say find out who the safeguarding lead (sometimes the head) is at the school and get in touch with them.

Musmerian they are not 5 they are Y5 which is 9 or 10 so plenty old enough to know not to do this, and possibly the age of criminal responsibility.

The headteachers may not be the safeguardingead amd as such you may have been signposted to the most appropriate perso

You can't on one hand say a child of ten understands sexual drive enough to commit a sexual assault or sexual harassment and then on the other say a child of 10 isn't old enough to make fully informed decisions around consent to sexual activity..

Absolute bonkers. How can you tie ability to commit a sexual assault with the age of consent? By your logic no one under 16 could commit a sexual assault and that is clearly not the case.

Total over reaction.

It isn't right but it happens all the time in schools, unfortunately. If your DS goes on to play team sports there will be much worse than that. Sadly, it's the "lad culture" in sport.

The school have dealt with it. See what happens next. See the person they suggest and listen to what they say.

But really you do need to get a grip, OP. Fair enough take it further if it happens again.

A parent can report the incident to the LADO direct or the Head might contact them.

Please stop advising the OP to contact the LADO. The role of a LADO is to investigate allegations of wrongdoing against staff in schools.

OP if you aren’t satisfied with how this matter has been dealt with, email the head requesting a meeting (email address should be in the website). Someone should then contact you to set up the appointment.

If you don’t hear back after a week, email the Chair of Governors and explain what’s happened. The school should have a safeguarding governor who should also be informed, though IME as a safeguarding lead of 12 years, this would not be considered a safeguarding incident on the face of it.

everyone on here is being hysterical and ridiculous

Maybe because we have read the post and he’s not 5?

I would meet with whoever has offered, discuss whatever you want to discuss and then move on.

Kids do daft things. They show off. They act the clown. Your ds was embarrassed but he won't die of embarrassment. Unless I have missed something the school have contacted his parents, he will have been in trouble at school and at home. That's enough unless he continues to bully your child. In which case it's a bullying issue not a sexual assault/abuse case and should be dealt with as such.

Honestly, I would change the way you are looking at it. It's daft kids being daft kids. Your son was embarrassed this time, next time it might be him doing something silly.

JanusLooks maybe if more parents took it seriously instead of it being ‘boys will be boys’ it might not happen so much.

Overreacting. It was a prank, not sexual assault ffs

we had to shower naked at senior school, luckily for me i caught an unresolving verruca. however one of the first times one girl chucked my towel so i had to run across the room after the shower.
should the police have been involved?
times dont change that much, kids are kids.

I am a social worker who has worked in child protection. I can tell you that where I work this would not be viewed as sexual assault. There need to be a sexual motivation or intent behind a sexual assault. In this case where it is 2 children of around age 10 there is no power imbalance and from what the OP has said no sexual motivation. The police will not act on this.

It is however bullying and needs to be dealt with appropriately by the school. In my opinion the school has health with the matter how they see fit and as a parent I would be happy with what they have said. I am not sure what a meeting with the HT would achieve other than them reiterating what they have done to resolve the situation. I am sure they will be keeping a closer eye on that child now.

I would be Pressing charges for sexual assault

You wouldn’t as we don’t press charges in the UK. It’s determined by the police/CPS based on evidence not on what the reporting person wants.

Legally it’s not a sexual assault as the boy hasn’t touched the OP’s son on his body. The pulling of his clothes could be a common assault but there has to be touching of body parts to be a sexual assault.

However I agree that it’s the very sensible poster who said the school should be dealing with this as a serious bullying issue due to children being fully aware from Y1 that exposing someone’s private parts is a massive no.

^Just to be clear if some batty raging loon ran her mouth publicly accusing my 9/10 year old of sexual assault based on what seems to be incredibly minimal information the OP has offered I would indeed be consulting our solicitor regarding slander .. which to me seems no more ludicrous than the idea of 8+ grown women making skipping off to the police to
'Press charges' of sexual assault against a 9/10 year old 🤦🏻‍♀️^

Speaking as a solicitor, the odds of you being advised to proceed with defamation proceedings in this scenario seem remote.

It might be helpful speaking to the NSPCC about your concerns. They are there to support families and professionals in instances of harmful sexual behaviour and provide a number of resources to help understand what HSB is. They often use a framework of HSB which ranges from appropiate to violent at the far end.(Hackett 2010...I think). They can signpost and support next steps as appropriate. NSPCC In this link there is a section on national guidance which should underpin and inform the schools safeguarding policy along with lots of other helpful information.
The Brook Traffic Light Tool can be useful for school staff and other professionals to determine what is age-appopriate and what is not and take necessary action.
NSPCC helpline for adults with concerns is 0808 800 5000 , and there may well be on elocal to your area depending where you live.

BTW I don't mean for my post to suggest this is/is not a HSB, I just wanted to proivde some information about what might be considered HSB and why.

I accidentally voted YAbU but meant to vote YANB. Sorry!

I would also be insisting on meeting with the head.

@BubblesBuddy please Google LADO
You are giving misleading advice. The LADO is there for complaints against adults working in schools. Not the children.

OP I hope your being calmer with your child than you are on here. You run the risk of making him more upset by your reaction than by the original event.

I do think that's outside of normal behaviour for a 9 year old (it's the kind of thing that might have easily happened in YR -Y1. It probably was just silliness (I hope) but he is old enough to now understand that though his intentions might not have been bad it's a very serious thing to do and is totally unacceptable.

That said you have a right to ensure that this doesn't happen again to your son but you don't have a right to dictate or know about how this boy is dealt with. You don't know what's going on behind the scenes.

OP I hope your being calmer with your child than you are on here. You run the risk of making him more upset by your reaction than by the original event
I agree with this. I also hope you're not accusing the child of sexual assault to other parents.

I disagree, I don’t think it’s outside of normal behaviour for a 9 year old, especially a 9 year old boy. Having had a 9 year old boy they often do very stupid things without thinking.Posters saying it’s sexual assault are bonkers. Yes, it’s not nice and humiliating but nothing more than that. I’d be upset it happened twice and would be chasing it up to see what’s being put in place regarding dealing with the perpetrator but not getting hysterical.

"I mean, if an adult pulled my son's pants down, he wouldn't have to do it more than once before the police were involved."

Yes.
This was another child, though.

Now, MN seems ridiculous to me when everybody under 50 is "just a baby" and anybody over 50 is an "oldie".

Slight exaggeration, but an 11 year old was described as "still a baby" on a thread yesterday. People of children well over a year old must never be criticised about anything because they're "new mothers".

But really! A contemporary of your child (albeit he sounds like a little sod - the other child, not your son) is doing this from very different (although still bad) reasons from an adult.

Call the police? Good grief.

I know you didn't originally suggest that, OP, btw.

FFS sexual assault really from a 10 year old boy with no sexual motive mn gets worse .