Can I decline this visit from our relatives?

[Coffeepot72]

DH lives some distance from his sister and her husband. We don’t see them particularly often, and were quite pleased when they said they were coming to stay for the weekend in the summer. They originally planned to arrive Friday night, and go home Sunday night. Fair enough, DH and I both work full time, so at least that gave us a few hours after they’d gone home on Sunday, to chill and get ourselves ready for the coming week. In the end they decided to stay til Monday, which wasn’t brilliant as it meant we had guests on our doorstep almost as soon as we got home from work on Friday, a pretty intense weekend (they cost us a small fortune, were monumentally untidy) and were still there when we went back to work on Monday morning. So zero downtime all weekend, which we both struggled with. When they finally left, we were both relieved and prayed they wouldn’t come again for a while …..

Well they now want to come again at the end of this month. Apparently they are visiting some friends somewhere near us, and want somewhere to stay. I don’t know if I can cope with another onslaught again so soon. DH has asked if it’s OK with me, whilst noting he’s not overjoyed at the idea – do I have the grounds to say no? We’re both really busy at work, we need our weekends, and the thought of this just fills me with dread. Or do I agree and then stay out of the way? I don’t want a huge row with DH over this, but I’m fuming.

Just say no. One thing I learn the hard way.

If it's the odd weekend, I think you're overreacting.

“Oh no, I’m sorry we can’t do the whole weekend, but would love dinner on the night you’re free? Here’s some nearby air bnb which look lovely”

Thank the good lord /similar for Air B&B. Tell dh either he senda them the link or you will book one for yourself!!

Say no, surely they can stay with their friends. You are not a hotel.

it's only a weekend!

Or tell them smashing they can be your first official air B&B guests and send your prices.....

I do think you’re overreacting; “so soon” when it’s been half a year.

Not everyone works a 9-5 M - F and yet they still manage to cope with friends and family.

If you can’t then you can’t, say no, it’s your house, but once a weekend every six months is nothing.

Seems to me they only want to stay with you because it'll be free. Cheeky fuckers. I'm solidly in the "Sorry, doesn't work for us" camp.

So, they’re not wanting to visit you, they just need somewhere to stay while they visit other people? Fuck that! Why can’t they stay with these friends? I’m assuming they’ve never heard of hotels or BnBs?

If your husband is too much of a wimp to decline their request then very strict limits need to be imposed like “that’s a pity, we already have plans for that weekend so we’ll only be able to see you on X night”. Both you and I know that the next thing will be them wanting to stay in your home while you’re “not there”.

Just say “sorry, that won’t work for us” and be done with it.

Of course you can say no. It's your house. However I am baffled by the trauma their previous visit seems to have caused, whereby you and Dh struggled with no down time - they spent a weekend with you not a month and it was during the summer, not last week. The reaction to their visit seems a bit extreme but of course many people just don't like having visitors which is fine.

Say no, they're not coming to see you, let them stay with their friends or a hotel nearby. I think they're being a bit cheeky.

Tell them that since they’ll be in the area visiting their friends, you’d love to see them, would Saturday afternoon suit, or perhaps you could meet them somewhere for dinner Saturday evening? But no, regretfully you cannot host them.

Then see whether they bother to arrange to see you while they’re in the area or just spend the whole weekend with the friends they’re coming to visit. That’ll tell you where you stand.

It's only a weekend and he doesn't see his sister often. It's a long time since the summer. I woukd just say yes.

Does dh want you to be the bad guy and say no, while secretly being relieved?

Of course you can say no. Say you'd love to meet one evening for a meal/drinks in local pub and hope they have a nice weekend staying with friends.

Ohh god I'd have to say no. We find it hard to even go to a family event on one day during the weekend cause it's our 'time off' and when we don't really want to go it feels like such a waste and hassle so a whole weekend would drive me insane

I think you'd be putting your Dh in a really awkward position if you ask him to say no, the last time they stayed was the summer, not last month. I would be really upset if my DH told me that he wanted me to tell my brother he couldn't stay with us for a weekend

We initially heard from them last week, when they said they were in the area visiting, and would we be able to meet up for a few hours. That would have been fine, but I just KNEW we would end up in this situation.

My home is my retreat and to lose an entire weekend to unwanted guests is hideous thought. Even if I may be over-reacting.

But if they're going to see their friends, you'll have plenty of downtime.

I'm wondering why four adults in a house together can't have any downtime over a weekend, though.

I would tell them that you're broke, though. Why did they cost so much money last time?

“They cosy us a small fortune and were monumentally untidy”. For that alone I’d impose a permanent ban, never mind them inviting themselves to stay until Monday. Who does that?

I think people are misreading/ the OP isn't clear.

They didn't come to stay in the summer, they said in the summer that they wanted to come and stay. Their visit was very recent (last weekend?)

It's only a weekend, and they'll be with other people for most of it so you're already ahead in getting some downtime!

It's very ungenerous.

If they are visiting friends then won't they be out and about over the weekend?