Can I decline this visit from our relatives?

[Coffeepot72]

DH lives some distance from his sister and her husband. We don’t see them particularly often, and were quite pleased when they said they were coming to stay for the weekend in the summer. They originally planned to arrive Friday night, and go home Sunday night. Fair enough, DH and I both work full time, so at least that gave us a few hours after they’d gone home on Sunday, to chill and get ourselves ready for the coming week. In the end they decided to stay til Monday, which wasn’t brilliant as it meant we had guests on our doorstep almost as soon as we got home from work on Friday, a pretty intense weekend (they cost us a small fortune, were monumentally untidy) and were still there when we went back to work on Monday morning. So zero downtime all weekend, which we both struggled with. When they finally left, we were both relieved and prayed they wouldn’t come again for a while …..

Well they now want to come again at the end of this month. Apparently they are visiting some friends somewhere near us, and want somewhere to stay. I don’t know if I can cope with another onslaught again so soon. DH has asked if it’s OK with me, whilst noting he’s not overjoyed at the idea – do I have the grounds to say no? We’re both really busy at work, we need our weekends, and the thought of this just fills me with dread. Or do I agree and then stay out of the way? I don’t want a huge row with DH over this, but I’m fuming.

@Coffeepot72 your Dh sounds like mine will say it’s fine and it’s not.

Sounds like your DH feels he can't say no!

At least they are visiting friends - that means they won't be under your feet the whole time. Can you find out their approx plans?

Why did it cost so much last time?

Where do they live? (& go and stay there for a weekend!)

Honestly OP, giving up your bed is frankly hilarious.

By doing this you are confirming to your SIL exactly how she can treat you.

and has suggested she may bring two other relatives with her

Wtaf? No way! Who?

The sheer self absorption of thinking that you’d welcome them with open arms because they’ll be visiting friends nearby is outrageous. They can bloody well find an Airbnb.

No bloody way would I give my bed up! They get sofa/ floor. Failing that leave your dh to deal with it and bugger off for the weekend.

I have told DH that we are not giving up our beds. Also, if it gets to the Wednesday prior to their arrival, and they still haven’t confirmed arrival/departure dates and guest numbers, then I will be in touch with SIL to request confirmation. I absolutely know DH does not want to do this, but he won’t say no to his sister.

Knee jerk reaction is fuck no. Sounds like work work work for you. Fuck no again.
But it’s your dh sister. Not sure you can defend a polite version of the above tbh without falling out.
Set out rules firmly, they can stay if they are self sufficient, you are not feeling up to being host. If they get the hump (good they won’t rush back).

Wow just seen the update, they want your bed and their are additional guest, knee jerk reaction applies. You are not running a B&B.

there not their

Also, if it gets to the Wednesday prior to their arrival, and they still haven’t confirmed arrival/departure dates and guest numbers, then I will be in touch with SIL to cancel her visit as we’ve got plans.

There. Corrected that for you.

Two long weekend visits in 6 months doesn’t sound too frequent for family, so on that point YABU .

I think she’s unreasonable too to invite two spares and assume it’s ok by you though.
What was so annoying about their prior visit?

Get your husband to set boundaries - if they have a close enough relationship to presume they can stay whenever they like, they are close enough for him to tell them when they are being annoying

I suspect OP's DH has always been bullied by his sister (is she older than him?) which is why he can't say no, or have a conversation with her.

The trouble is, a lot of pps are basing their replies on their own experiences of a normal family where you can discuss things like adults, but it's clear the dynamic here is not "normal" and the usual rules don't apply.

Just say no. Why can't they stay with friends?

Could you book yourself in at the Travelodge, OP? That might get your point across.

Absolutely not!! Two nights is fine. But it three nights and bringing additional guests!!! Cheeky bastards.

There's so much wrong with this situation, but I'm not sure anyone asked this :

Why would you take time off work for their arrival and departure? Can't they amuse themselves locally until you arrive home on the Friday, and be trusted to lock up after themselves on Monday?

Can I just check :
SIL is telling, not asking, which dates she will be staying
And whether or not she's bringing additional people
And you're expected to just accept all this without a thought to what suits you
And if you make any comments, your husband isn't interested in telling his sister that her plans don't suit

And OP, think very hard before you have children with a man who is such a wimp that he is more comfortable disregarding his wives obvious discomfort at being invaded for the weekend, rather than say that "this won't work for us."

You aren't even safe in your own bed 🙄

Good luck with that!

I guess if you're happy for your family to be kept at a distance too it's fine to say to DH that you don't want to support him having contact with his family. Staying in a hotel is something only wealthier people can do so I don't think that should be an expectation when family come to visit.

There is no need for them to cost a fortune, you don't have to say yes to extra guests and you can tell people not to arrive before whatever time you will actually be at home (no need therefore to take time off work). But you are well within your rights to choose not to have them stay as long as your DH feels comfortable with that. If it's really important for him to have them to stay then I think you have to suck it up cos that's what we do for our partners. He should do all the work of hosting though.

I'm with makingmammaries. I'd be checking myself into a hotel.

But not a Travelodge. It'd be at least 4 stars and have room service.

Ok, maybe a Travelodge if that's all that's in the budget, but it better have a mini-fridge so I can stock up on crap food and drinks!

This could be the one time that "book yourself a spa weekend" is the right advice!

Whatever happens, DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR BED. I assume you have 1 guest room so SIL inviting others to your house means that either she or her guests sleep on the sofa. However, I'd make sure she knows this before. Be with DH when he contacts them so that if it turns out there will be more of them then you can say, very loudly, "make sure SIL realises that they'll be on the sofa".

Have you spoke to the sister OP? Do you know her plans for this weekend?

Dont have children with this man. Unless you can continue to be content with being with someone who doesn't prioritise you. Are you sure this is how you want to live forever?

You say there will be resentment between you if you say no to this. Wont there be anyway? I'd be furious.

Your Sil is a cheeky chancer. There are some weird comparisons on here. To war zones etc?! This isn't a war zone. Theres just a very pushy, self absorbed family member who has zero regard for the OP.

Can I just say how pleased that @NearlyGranny got a mention of the Brookfield elastic bedrooms Archers situation?

Good luck OP.

QueenArseClangers, I thought somebody out there would get it! 😂