Can I decline this visit from our relatives?

[Coffeepot72]

DH lives some distance from his sister and her husband. We don’t see them particularly often, and were quite pleased when they said they were coming to stay for the weekend in the summer. They originally planned to arrive Friday night, and go home Sunday night. Fair enough, DH and I both work full time, so at least that gave us a few hours after they’d gone home on Sunday, to chill and get ourselves ready for the coming week. In the end they decided to stay til Monday, which wasn’t brilliant as it meant we had guests on our doorstep almost as soon as we got home from work on Friday, a pretty intense weekend (they cost us a small fortune, were monumentally untidy) and were still there when we went back to work on Monday morning. So zero downtime all weekend, which we both struggled with. When they finally left, we were both relieved and prayed they wouldn’t come again for a while …..

Well they now want to come again at the end of this month. Apparently they are visiting some friends somewhere near us, and want somewhere to stay. I don’t know if I can cope with another onslaught again so soon. DH has asked if it’s OK with me, whilst noting he’s not overjoyed at the idea – do I have the grounds to say no? We’re both really busy at work, we need our weekends, and the thought of this just fills me with dread. Or do I agree and then stay out of the way? I don’t want a huge row with DH over this, but I’m fuming.

Is there an Air BnB nearby? Can you book it and get your DH to cover the costs for his relatives? Present it as a done deal when they rock up to your house "Oh, we thought it might be nice as a once off so we've arranged for you to stay at #6 which is lovely. You get your privacy and we can still meet up". That way you don't need to have the disruption to your home and your DH still gets to have his Sis visit.
If your DH isn't receptive to that option, you need to say "Well, even though you loaned your car to my DBrother, which was lovely and very generous of you, we're not getting in to a situation of tit-for-tat here. It doesn't suit for your Sis to stay in our home but I'm very open to meeting up with her if she does want to come to X town/city and we all meet up. It's too disruptive for our family if she is inviting more people to use our home like a glorified B&B. You may have been inconvenienced when you were without the car, but this is going to affect ALL of us, including the kids, and you simply can't allow her to ride roughshod over us all. It just won't do".

I love it when my family come over. Family is important. And what I don't get is how they cost you a fortune. Order takeaway, budget. But then I have no problem with visitors...Take them as a chance to do something different.

I hope your husband knows that entertainment and cooking for his guests falls completely to him, as does making up beds and ensuring everything is tidy afterwards. He needs to get a backbone with his sister and even if he doesn’t decline, then he needs to nip in the bud the expectation that’s you’ll fund their weekend away.

I’d book a local hotel for myself I think, for at least one night.

How did the weekend go OP?

Did your relatives stay? I'd like to know what happened too!

Such a weird overreaction to having an occasional weekend curtailed. Massively selfish and unreasonable.

Any update, how did the visit go (or not)?