Neighbour complaining that we're noisy

[MrBobLobLaw]

So we're having a bit of an ongoing issue with our neighbours below us. We only moved in 7 weeks ago. When we moved in I was 4 days overdue DC2, who arrived 5 days after that. We also have a 2yo who is very... two. So it's been a busy time and pretty full on.

We're on the ground floor and the neighbours are below us in the basement flat of a Victorian conversion. Obviously the floors are thin, such is the nature of the building, we hear the people above us walking about too but we have a rug down and try to be mindful as their bedroom is below our front room/kitchen.

They've complained twice before- once face to face when they knocked on the door in the evening when the baby was 2weeks old. I was obviously pretty flustered but said we'd do something. The second time was by text. Thing is the time they're complaining about (9-11pm ish) is when DC1 is in bed anyway and we have to do some degree of tidying during that time.

Anyway we got another text this morning saying can we be quieter in the morning, that 6:45 is early and can we be mindful of them. Obviously I sympathise, the couple who lived here before didn't have kids and were away a lot I think so it must have been quieter for them all round. They also don't have kids so wouldn't really understand that you can just shush a 2 year old or tell them that 6:45 is a bit early. As soon as we're up i put on the TV and I make DC1s breakfast so that he's sitting as much as possible.. but he's two! He wants to play and walk around. I feel like he's taking the brunt of it as I'm always having to tell him to be quiet, walk softer etc when really he's not doing anything wrong he's just being two.

Anyway we've been polite and apologetic thus far and tried to satiate them but we live here too and I can't make the building not Victorian. I'm knackered from looking after both DCs (not their problem i know) and feel like I'm doing all we can do be quiet for them.

WIBU to send the following text? :

Morning Neighbour, I’m doing the best I can with a 2 year old and a newborn to contend with now DPs back at work. If I could keep them both asleep and in bed for longer I would. Perhaps some earplugs might help.

Is that too rude?

You mention a rug - are the floors carpeted? That makes a lot of difference and often it isn't allowed to have wooden floors in a flat above someone else. No shoes in the Boise would help with football too. I think you change what you can and then just go with the rest, they live in a flat not a detached house.

Yes, that is rude.

I get it OP, I've been in your exact situation.

Sadly, this is MN. So no matter how much you say you're not being excessively loud, no matter how much you say you've done to reduce noise, posters will say you are! (Loud) and will call you unreasonable. Brace yourself, they're about to pile on you

No carpet in the front room. It's wooden floor but laid on top of the original wooden boards iyswim and I believe it has mdf and underlay underneath the new wooden floor.

We already don't wear shoes in the flat as a rule anyway and dp and I wear socks. We've actually laid two rugs on top of each other to try and soften the noise.

Dons hardhat

Thanks @broken2020!

Yeah that's a bit rude.

I'd saying morning, I'm so sorry with the noise, it's difficult as you can imagine with two kids, so please bear with us.

I wouldn’t mention the earplugs.

I would refer to the nature of the building, that you can hear the people above you and had already put down a rug to minimise noise transfer.

The noise you are referring to seems to be just normal everyday family living. You are not being an arsehole with loud music or banging and shouting.

I don’t understand why people live in flats and expect silence; they are bloody awful places for noise.

I would wait until your dh is home or someone else who can look after the kids while you go downstairs and listen for yourself, if there are no carpets in the house that will make a huge difference.

Speak to your neighbours and ask what they are expecting you to do in reducing the noise.

That message is quite rude.

I lived upstairs with dc and always had complaints. 2 db's lived downstairs. 1 knocked one night to complain about my music.
Dc were asleep so it was no way loud.
I was playing Xmas songs while wrapping in Xmas eve.
Was glad to move..
Flat +dc =stress. Ime.

I would invite neighbours in for cup of tea and let them see for themselves what a 2 year old is like.
If they still complain there's nothing much you can do. Perhaps not put the tv on too early but otherwise you have to live.
Some people get so fixated on a noise that they listen for it.

I would be annoyed being woken up by a neighbours children at that time regularly. If you move into a flat you need to consider the neighbours. If they can hear you are obviously making more noise than you realise.

Do not send that text!!

I agree with a PP who suggested going downstairs t see how loud it actually is. You’d be surprised just how much can carry

I have said stuff like that in the past @Bluntness100 but thing is I feel like saying 'bear with us' is kind of a lie.. we're already as quiet as can be!

I appreciate that the message was rude, I haven't sent it btw.

I had this and my landlord paid for carpets to go down, but personally I think if you’re doing all you can then there’s not much else you can do. If I were them I’d consider swapping my bedroom and living room around. You are entitled to enjoy your home as much as they are and if you’re already accommodating then they will have to compromise too.

Kids make noise part of living in an apartment is you hear the noise of othee tenants and what you've described is normal day to day noise not disruptive or anti social like shouting or loud music etc would be. I hear my neighbours coughing and sneezing and walking about and i can hear toilets flush and TVs etc all normal day to day noises you can't complain about

There's carpet in the rest of our flat it's just the front room that has wooden flooring.

We know they can hear us, I can hear the people walking around above us right now. They're not stamping they're just walking, but it's loud because it's a Victorian building.

Even if noise does carry OP still has to live her life and children often wake early
It sounds like you are doing everything you can to keep the noise down but you can be expected to creep around your home
Life in a flat. They were very lucky with their last neighbours

Can you get headphones for your toddler for the TV - that would reduce the morning noise a bit

I agree with you OP, believe me if I could stop my 2 year old from waking up before 7 and being so
Energetic I would. I wouldn’t even text I’d go round and just say I’m so sorry and I’m open to suggestions to reduce the noise from a structural level as we all ready have done everything practically we can do- no socks etc.

Owned flat or rented ?

Maybe a cheery. Hi, so sorry. Passed on your message to my two year old, little bastard won’t listen to reason! He’s convinced that 6:45 is a perfectly normal time to be awake (followed by some kind of emoji). Hopefully they’ll realise how ridiculous they’re being.

I would ignore it and blank them. If they come to you tell them they are more than welcome to relocate to a detached house in the countryside. Until then they will just have to deal with the fact they live in a flat. Ignore them.

God, there’s no way you can live in total silence just to please others, two kids that age are always going to make a bit of noise, it’s the way it is, you have to live!! There’s going to be tv/radio noise (even if it’s not loud), talking, kids playing, tantrums etc... I hate neighbours like this, I had this years ago (in a house, not a flat) when I only had 1 dc!! I swear to god they must have been pressing their ear up the wall then they would complain, it drove me mad!!!

I have no advice really, just that I sympathise and I know what it’s like

I've lived in flats below a family, and it cam be noisy but I understood I was in a flat and had upstairs neighbours. One of my upstairs neighbours let their kid race around on a trike in the flat which was very noisy but even that was manageable. I struggle to have too much sympathy for people who live in flats and expect not to hear their neighbours.
You could contact your landlord and ask for carpets because the neighbours are moaning but other than that it sounds like you're just living normal family life.

Thanks @sandybayley I'll draft up something else.

Morning Neighbour, apologies if the noise woke you. Obviously if I could keep both the children asleep in bed for longer I would! Im doing the best I can with a newborn and a toddler to contend with now DP is back at work.

Thing is, we can hear the people above us to, such is the nature of the building being Victorian. Maybe some earplugs will help the noise in your bedroom?

We have laid two rugs on top of each other in the front room to soften noise so I'm not sure there's much else we can do as we already don't wear shoes and are conscious to be as quiet as possible.

Not sure if that's too long or to write something different?