Neighbour complaining that we're noisy

[MrBobLobLaw]

So we're having a bit of an ongoing issue with our neighbours below us. We only moved in 7 weeks ago. When we moved in I was 4 days overdue DC2, who arrived 5 days after that. We also have a 2yo who is very... two. So it's been a busy time and pretty full on.

We're on the ground floor and the neighbours are below us in the basement flat of a Victorian conversion. Obviously the floors are thin, such is the nature of the building, we hear the people above us walking about too but we have a rug down and try to be mindful as their bedroom is below our front room/kitchen.

They've complained twice before- once face to face when they knocked on the door in the evening when the baby was 2weeks old. I was obviously pretty flustered but said we'd do something. The second time was by text. Thing is the time they're complaining about (9-11pm ish) is when DC1 is in bed anyway and we have to do some degree of tidying during that time.

Anyway we got another text this morning saying can we be quieter in the morning, that 6:45 is early and can we be mindful of them. Obviously I sympathise, the couple who lived here before didn't have kids and were away a lot I think so it must have been quieter for them all round. They also don't have kids so wouldn't really understand that you can just shush a 2 year old or tell them that 6:45 is a bit early. As soon as we're up i put on the TV and I make DC1s breakfast so that he's sitting as much as possible.. but he's two! He wants to play and walk around. I feel like he's taking the brunt of it as I'm always having to tell him to be quiet, walk softer etc when really he's not doing anything wrong he's just being two.

Anyway we've been polite and apologetic thus far and tried to satiate them but we live here too and I can't make the building not Victorian. I'm knackered from looking after both DCs (not their problem i know) and feel like I'm doing all we can do be quiet for them.

WIBU to send the following text? :

Morning Neighbour, I’m doing the best I can with a 2 year old and a newborn to contend with now DPs back at work. If I could keep them both asleep and in bed for longer I would. Perhaps some earplugs might help.

Is that too rude?

I havent read the full thread so apologies if this has been suggested, but how about those big foamy colourful play mats for whilst the kids are little?? You can get 8 tiles for £15 in Argos.

We are in similar situation. Living Upstairs with 2 young kids, old building and lots of noise but we are lucky that our neighbours dont complain and they say they totally get what it's like with young kids,

My next door neighbour’s toddler has told Alexa to play old Mac Donald on a repeated loop for weeks. It’s annoying but sure my own kids were equally irritating when young. It’s life. Unless you’re in a detached house next to a graveyard, it is going to happen. And you’re doing your best to be a good neighbour. Smile and apologise. And tell them all you’ve done to minimise noise.

@BonnyConnie really..?

It is massively difficult, after a while you start to live on edge especially if they get nasty. I know I’ve been in that situation!! If you’re staying long term maybe it’ll be worth pulling up all the floors and laying Rockwool (or similar) and dense soundproofing rubber mat between the joists then relay the floor. Obviously expensive and massive upheaval and it’s still not 100% perfect but if you’re there for a long time it might be worth it for your peace of mind trying to save to do it further down the line. We’ve done it in our house, my husband is a moderate diy-er and managed it but got a carpenter in to do the skirting.

That text invites your neighbours to 'lump it's not a brilliant move.

I live in a similar situation - a Victorian terrace. I can hear my neighbours flush the loo and quite often mistake their doorbell for mine. It gets worse in Summer when everyone has their windows open too.

I do stop my kids when they are being very noisy but they have to be able to do normal things in their home - like play and move around and watch TV.

Having to be totally silent reminds me of that film with Emily Blunt.

I am at the moment having issues with the noise coming from my upstairs neighbours and their noise levels. It’s easy to see me as the big bad wolf and think I’m being unreasonable but when I explain my situation people do seem to understand from my point of view.
My new neighbours moved in a few months ago, they have 3 children one of them is approx 2 and a half and other 2 school age. I too have children, an 8yr old and 2 older children who have a lot of study and school work. My neighbours seem to think it’s acceptable to allow their children to run, jump, bang and throw things around at all hours, particularly through the night as they seem to sleep most of the day and even if we are off of work/school during the day and we do hear the kids running around then it is daytime and they are kids and they are allowed to play but this noise is pretty much constant and to make it worse all the parents do on top of the noise is shout and scream at the kids from the bedroom while allowing them to do what they want. The night time and noise throughout the night is awful that we can’t sleep, the kids are banging and screaming from bedroom and rattling on baby gates or running throughout the flat whilst the parents scream at them from another room. The strange thing is that you can’t hear television or general chatting, they can have visitors in and you wouldn’t even know there was anyone in above us but when it’s just the parents and the children it’s completely different and the noise is unbearable. We own our flat and the neighbour is rented but the landlord is not Interested. Everytime I say to them they tell me youngest kid isn’t well or that it’s the adults we hear walking about but it is not walking, you can’t even hear normal footsteps, it’s definitely running and jumping! All I can say is your neighbours are fortunate that you are taking their comments about noise on board and looking for solutions (I do think earphones for your toddler is extreme, you are entitled to watch tv in your home without earphones) your neighbours do need to accept that there will be noise as it’s only natural and they should thank themselves lucky that you seem to be decent neighbours and they don’t have neighbours like mine who have no interest in solutions

My neighbour has a kid with night terrors. We often get woken at 2am and then again when she wakes up. I always ask my neighbour how she is. She has never said a word about my dd screaming the house down or playing the violin. She once commented on my singing but only to say it sounded lovely. It's sounds like your neighbours need to reconsider where they live as noise through the walls or floor is just part of living in this style. You could apologize and then say unfortunately it's a by product of this type of conversion that you can hear ants walking across the floor.

It's quite difficult as I can see both points of view. Noise probably wouldn't bother me. I can sleep through just things. I think it really depends on how noisy you are. If you are not really that noisy and it's just normal 2 year old play (which it sounds like), they are being unreasonable. Do they expect you to go to bed at 10 and not get up until 8? You have to be able to live your life. Is it rented or owned (not sure if you have already said)?

@BonnyConnie love it!

OP all you can do is take reasonable steps which it sounds like you are. Unfortunate as it is if they are so sensitive to noise they should consider living elsewhere or...earplugs. My OH lived in a ground floor studio previously and always wore them, not such a wacky idea!

I think your neighbors are BU - it's just normal living noise. We used to live in a flat where the kid above us was allowed to rampage round at 3am! Apparently saying No to a child breaks their spirit

I would never have bought the flat - you are sandwiched between people and you are a noisy family - as all toddler and baby households are - this was always going to be a nightmare. I feel for your basement neighbours. You need to carpet your living spaces- the furniture moving they hear is probably dining chairs on wooden floors. I had a basement bedroom under the dining kitchen in a Victorian shared house and it was a total nightmare. They will sell soon I expect.

Havr you messaged them OP?

@Mumtwo2three3 oh goodness that really sounds awful! Poor you

You sound like you’ve been perfectly reasonable. They don’t have a right to dictate how you live in your own home and you aren’t responsible for their feelings or the faceMy they dont live somewhere better tbh.

You've done all you can, ignore them. They can move if it's that bad.

I live in a ground floor flat In a purpose built block, the soundproofing between floors is awful, i can hear someone two floors above me using the toilet if i am in my hal, kitchen or bathroom. Luckily the way the block is built we don't have any adjoining walls except the end wall in ds bedroom & the adjoining flat is almost a floor below us as they are built on a slope. Noise is part & parcel of living in a flat, everyone has to be considerate of their neighbours as much as they can but nobody can be expected to live in silence.

Yes they’re being unreasonable. You’re just making normal family life noise. Legally nothing wrong and morally as far as I can see. I would consider getting carpet laid though. Send your text, leave out the ear plug bit, make it clear you are respectful and doing your beat but also be sweet I’ve, they are being unreasonable and have unreasonable expectations- people often do with noise!!

Is their bedroom below your lounge? Perhaps if you could contain your dc in rooms not directly above before say 7am and carpet the lounge in time. Does your dc wear socks or slippers to cushion the noise rather than barefeet. Horrible to feel under scrutiny though. And no, don't mention ear plugs!

I would get some interlocking foam floor tiles and cover your lounge in them. SkipHop make some really nice designs. They’ll really dampen the sound. There’s not much more you can do.

We had the same problem in the flat we rent out - neighbours downstairs complaining that our tenants noise was excessive. Those below had a new baby and were hypersensitive to noise!

We offered to split the cost of noise-deadening underlay with them and it worked out brilliantly. They were happy and it's helped our tenants now that noisier neighbours have since moved in below! Could that be an option, OP?

You sound noisy OP. Are you one of those parents who doesn't mind their "spirited" dc going mad in shops, coffee places etc?

@Rosehip10 are you reading the same thread as the rest of us? No one else has come to that conclusion; the OP clearly does her best to keep noise to a minimum. Her DS is a toddler and it's impossible to stop them making some noise. If he was 5 or 6 years old you would have a point.

And did you happen to miss the bit that the neighbours smoke cannabis outside? They're the unreasonable ones here. You're obviously one of those posters who always conclude that it must be the parents that are inconsiderate.