Neighbour complaining that we're noisy

[MrBobLobLaw]

So we're having a bit of an ongoing issue with our neighbours below us. We only moved in 7 weeks ago. When we moved in I was 4 days overdue DC2, who arrived 5 days after that. We also have a 2yo who is very... two. So it's been a busy time and pretty full on.

We're on the ground floor and the neighbours are below us in the basement flat of a Victorian conversion. Obviously the floors are thin, such is the nature of the building, we hear the people above us walking about too but we have a rug down and try to be mindful as their bedroom is below our front room/kitchen.

They've complained twice before- once face to face when they knocked on the door in the evening when the baby was 2weeks old. I was obviously pretty flustered but said we'd do something. The second time was by text. Thing is the time they're complaining about (9-11pm ish) is when DC1 is in bed anyway and we have to do some degree of tidying during that time.

Anyway we got another text this morning saying can we be quieter in the morning, that 6:45 is early and can we be mindful of them. Obviously I sympathise, the couple who lived here before didn't have kids and were away a lot I think so it must have been quieter for them all round. They also don't have kids so wouldn't really understand that you can just shush a 2 year old or tell them that 6:45 is a bit early. As soon as we're up i put on the TV and I make DC1s breakfast so that he's sitting as much as possible.. but he's two! He wants to play and walk around. I feel like he's taking the brunt of it as I'm always having to tell him to be quiet, walk softer etc when really he's not doing anything wrong he's just being two.

Anyway we've been polite and apologetic thus far and tried to satiate them but we live here too and I can't make the building not Victorian. I'm knackered from looking after both DCs (not their problem i know) and feel like I'm doing all we can do be quiet for them.

WIBU to send the following text? :

Morning Neighbour, I’m doing the best I can with a 2 year old and a newborn to contend with now DPs back at work. If I could keep them both asleep and in bed for longer I would. Perhaps some earplugs might help.

Is that too rude?

ohprettybaby what a ridiculous comment- where does it end:

single, young person who comes in late cant live in a ground floor flat
young professional couple who have to leave early for work cant live in a ground floor flat.......

or are you only attacking parents?

Not half as much as the child running around would

My idiot ex neighbours hated noise in the morning (thin walls) so I made a 'morning bag' for my DD, with interesting bits and bobs in. She was happy to play with that until everyone was awake.

You sound like your being as considerate as you can be with a newborn and a toddler! I don’t think the message was rude but I don’t see what the neighbours would have you do? Noise is to be expected in a flat surely? And 645 is a reasonable time to expect some noise from IMO!

@ohprettybaby but that's not OPs problem. She's making reasonable noise.
More fool somebody else wanting Silence and buying a basement flat.

The problem is that they have their bedroom under your general living space/kitchen - which is their issue to deal with, not yours. Assuming the flats are roughly of the same configuration, if the noise is that bad they should move their rooms around.

I was you, living above a couple with a toddler in a Victorian terrace but our room layout was identical, so their sleep wasn't disturbed. That said, I still developed a complex about making too much noise and passed it on to my DC, to the point she spent much of her early years tiptoeing around. So please don't do the same with yours, because it's not your fault your neighbour's bedroom is where it is.

You can't live like that when we first moved into our house 3 years ago the lady nxt door complained that we were decorating to early in the morning it was 11am then about the kids playing I told her we won't tip toe around our own home the complaints soon stopped .

@burnoutbabe I love being Scottish, I own my flat and there are no "leases" whatsoever!

We used to live in a Victorian conversion.. at one point we had a concert pianist living above us!!!!!!! So we shared the cost with him in putting sound proofing in between him and us which did help.

When we had babies, I made sure that we moved out of the room above the bedroom for basement flat when he cried at night.. Our bedroom was above theirs - so would grab the baby and move to lounge. Not ideal, as due to him being poorly he did little but scream for his first 12 weeks, but I was very mindful of being above people who really didn't ask for a crying baby above them!!!

To be honest if you have a woooden floor that is going to make a lot of noise, it does sound very later and very early.

I'd text them to say that you are walking around your flat in socks and not doing anything particularly noisy. Appreciate your predecessors were hardly around, and the sound of someone living normally above them might come as a shock, but you have put rugs down and there is nothing more that you can do save for moving out.

It's share of freehold so we are all the landlords.

I do as much tidying I can during bedtime but with a cluster feeding newborn there really are limits to my multitasking (and yes I breast feed him in the sling already).

As I stated before- I thought tv on with immobile toddler was better than mobile toddler. Tv is on quietly (volume level 7).

Dunno why the layout is different for them, people above us have their lounge on top of us and the same layout as far as I know.

Tbh they do stuff that's annoying- the guy smokes weed and the smell permeates our bedroom (where the newborn sleeps), they light a fire pit thing which sends smoke in to the flat which DS complains about during bedtime ('my nose hurts!') and the other tenants all slam the front door which is next to our living room. All this stuff is annoying! But all this stuff is part and parcel of living along side one another.

It sounds like you’re doing everything you can. Are you supposed to tip-toe?
They live in the lowest floor of an apartment building, they have to accept there will be living sounds.

Someone smoking weed that seeps through into your home isn't 'part and parcel' at all! IMO that's much worse than the noise.

The stench of weed is deffo part and parcel in S. London ha I hate the smell @GiveHerHellFromUs but I got one of those aroma diffuser things which helps and I keep the window open a little bit during the day which gets rid of most of the smell. Compromise I guess!

You need to put a fitted carpet down I'm afraid. Unless your child only plays with toys in the rug, the tv is on the rug, etc then the noise will travel.
Imagine you have a leaking pipe and put a small bowl under the leak. Once the bowl is full, the water goes everywhere else, so the whole flow gets wet. Sound waves are like this. They travel. Wooden floors are excellent sound transmitters. A rug by itself won't stop sound. I'm assuming the rug doesn't cover the whole floor nor have underlay under it? We occasionally hear noise from next door and sometimes it wakes us up early morning. But that's through the walls, so we've moved our bed to the opposite wall and it's not so bad. In your case, the only solution is a fitted carpet.

Thanks for all the comments though- good, bad and nuts (shoutout to the poster who wants to wake herself to wake the kids to disturb herself even more!)

Won't mention the earplugs when I do decide to reply as it's obviously more antagonising than I mean it to be (genuinely just trying to offer a solution!). Trying to find sleepings response but chasing that pesky toddler too.

Whoa, drip-feed, OP! The smell of weed and bonfire is far worse than a few toddler footsteps! Without wanting to escalate, I would text them this:

Dear neighbours, I'm so sorry you're being disturbed but I assure we are taking every measure to lessen the noise. It's tricky though when your bedroom is directly above our living space. In the meantime, could we please remind you again that the smoke from your cannabis use and fire-pit keeps permeating our flat and is horribly unpleasant. Thank you.

or are you only attacking parents?
I'm not attacking parents. Someone leaving early or coming home late is not comparable to a 2-year old running around. Adults can be sitting quietly on computers or reading for much of the time whereas 2-year olds enjoy running around excitedly (because they've learnt they can) and playing with noisy toys.

The problem really is that flats should have sound insulation. If all flats did have adequate sound-proofing lots of people wouldn't need to move homes.

I would say if you are a homeowner who has complaints made against them for excess noise then you should be the one to sound-proof your home appropriately (whether the cause of the noise is DC, dogs or music).

Below your living space, not above!

Agree with PP about the weed! They haven't got a leg to stand on!
I'd stay polite but reiterate there is nothing else you can do. Sounds like you're being fairly considerate.
I hate noise - would never live in a flat again for that reason!

I live in a ground floor flat, but it's T shaped ifswim, my living room and kitchen is completely separate from the bedrooms, as is my upstairs neighbours. My neighbour who backs on to my bedroom has a completely different configuration, and her kitchen is behind my master bedroom wall. When her ds was a relatively newborn, the only thing which would soothe his screaming was the sound of the washing machine! No matter what time of the night it was! Not once did I complain, because I bought a ground floor flat due to the fact I'm disabled, and I appreciate that everyone has to live! I'd much rather hear domestic appliances, than an unsettled child...

Also my upstairs neighbour smokes weed on the balcony, I hate the smell, but plug in air fresheners (the ones that have 3 different scents) have been fantastic at masking it so far!

We've been you OP, with a 1-year-old and a 3-year-old at the time, it's absolutely miserable trying to live like mice. We were in a townhouse and it was next door (who were beyond noisy and unreasonable but complained about us!)

I managed 4 years and utterly hated it but in the end it was the raseon that we moved. We now live in a detatched house and I am extremely happy!

Maybe see if you can move in the future. I personally hate flats. My partner has one and you can hear the neighbours having a piss when it’s quiet, so god knows what noise is like with kids. Totally not suitable in my opinion to live in a flat with small children. Not much you can do about it now of course, but it’s a problem that’s not going to go away and will just fester and cause resentment all round. I’d be looking elsewhere within my budget (and I have a 15 month old so I sympathise).

Honestly I don't think you need to make any more adjustments! They need to come to terms with the fact that their new neighbours have a different lifestyle to them and adjust their expectations accordingly. I would be very pleasant and sympathetic every time they complain, but change nothing. You are already compromising, it doesn't seem like they are prepared to! 6.45am and 9pm both unacceptable times to move around your flat?! They sound annoying and inflexible. Your lifestyle is a very normal one, you can't and shouldn't control your toddler in the way they seem to expect. Smile and nod.