Getting kids to school on time

[MarkyTinTin]

I’m a working dad but lucky enough to work from home 2 days a week so I can take my two dds to school those days. I always get them to school ASAP after it opens - my older d hates being late

Wife does not work but gets the dds to school late every day she has to take the. Not hugely late but always a couple of minutes. I can’t do anything about it and she is habitually late for everything. it’s having an impact on kids and our marriage as I think totally unacceptable. Have tried talking about it and playing the “be on time for the sake of our d” card but nothing changes - this has been 2 years now and at my wits end / stuck for solutions. We have no traffic issues and it’s just down to her leaving 10 mins earlier each day. Am I being unreasonable expecting our children to be delivered on time to school and can anyone advise on alternative strategies to change this behaviour (assuming unacceptable?).

I would give up my job to get them to school on time, but dw is not looking for work so we would lose everything. I can’t stand it any more - grateful for some ideas / alternative strategies please! Thank you 🙏

Jesus she would drive me up the wall. I've ditched many a friend over the years for persistent lateness and there's no way I could be an a relationship with someone so rude.

I'd say LTB but that doesn't help your children and the negative impact her rudeness is having on them. Are the rest of her family the same as her or would they be able to help you find a way to get through to her?

How late are we talking? 5/10 minutes? If so I wouldn’t worry. I am like this a lot of the time- it is due to underestimating how long things will take and being disorganised. In the grand scheme of things a little lateness isn’t that big a deal if the school aren’t raising concerns. My children are at a private school and there are loads of parents like me who are successful in other areas of their life but always five minutes late for school!

Then you are very unreasonable. 10 minutes a day is 50 minutes of missed lesson time per week. It is also very disruptive to the rest of the class. And just because you're paying for it doesn't make you more important than everyone else. You can change your disorganisation and I'm pretty sure you can work out how long things take.
I assume you don't have to work either?

It sounds very frustrating for you. It'd drive me mad, as would the fact that she is home and yet not sorting out the laundry or having food prepared if you're working.

I'm like this, I'm habitually late. I just don't think being on time is important

The level of selfishness in this statement is off the scale.

No, I don't think you're overreacting. It would really upset my ds to be late to school and there's no need to be late, ever.

Every single day that I take ds (he goes to breakfast club 2 days a week) I see the same parents and kids turning up late. The parents don't give a shit and the kids are anxious and upset, every single day. It also disrupts the class. It may only be a couple of minutes but the late ones are walking into a class that has started. It's so selfish and 100% not the kids fault.

I'm gonna be honest, I judge those parents.

We've recently moved house and instead of a 5 minute walk to school we're now a 30 minute walk to school. We still get there on time because I know how long it takes and I leave at the appropriate time. Then factor in the breakfast club days and we have to leave home at 7 am, we're still bang on time. It's not hard!

When I saw this I was assuming that your DW needed to leave at 7.30 or something, but just before 9 and she doesn't even work? That's terrible! We have to leave at 8am on the dot if we're not to be late and I've moved our schedule forward to the point where we can reliably do this. Your DW sounds selfish in the extreme. I can't stand people who are always late and she has no excuse. Her own personal care? FFS what personal care takes an hour? She needs a kick up the arse.

Persistent lateness is absolutely unacceptable- I mean yes, once or twice, bus issues, etc. Everyday? My school would have flagged you up on this.

I would give up my job to get them to school on time

If they let you work from home 2 days a week they'd be flexible about start times surely.
I'm curious what do you do with your kids after arriving as soon as it opens for the 45 min to 90 mins before school starts when breakfast clubs are running?

Such double standards it's not even funny anymore.

A woman OP: 'I work 14 hours a day, earn all the money, do all the housework, take my kids to school 2 days/week. My husband never worked and refuses to find a job, does fuck all re housework, his sole duty is to take care of the school stuff for the rest of the week, and he's always late. Thoughts?'

LTB! Cocklodger! Wanker! Knobhead! He's a narc! (a very popular one), is he gaslighting you?? (also popular), this is abuse! Why are you still with this useless waste of space?? Etc.

Man OP: same as above.

Replies: Oh.. Maybe she needs help? Maybe you could buy her an expensive watch? (someone suggested this upthread). Why is she like this? She must have depression/anxiety. Why is this such a big deal? You're being uptight/fussy. Is this do to her not managing to fill water bottles/prepare lunch on time? Maybe YOU (the person who does absolutely everything) could do that for her in the evening?

OR MAYBE, just maybe she's a lazy ass bastard who's more interested in dolling herself up than doing anything important, as her husband does everything for her?

Tell her to pull her weight, find a job, share the kid work/housework 50:50 (and make sure she does that) or LTB. Women can be lazy wankers too, you know, not just men.

YADNBU. It's incredibly disruptive to your children AND the whole class.

If your kids are 5 & 7 and at school, what does she do all day? Why does she refuse to get a job? That's crazy!!

I think this goes way beyond the chronic lateness, and comes down to her lack of respect for you, the children and your family.

Time for some marriage counselling I think.... it sounds like the issues are more than just lateness for school

I am late for most things, even when I really try. I just cant keep track of the time so even when I get up earlier it doesnt work. But we use breakfast club so even if we're late they will get to school on time (that isn't the only reason).

I am not sure what you can do about it though. I may be wrong but it doesnt sound like its something she struggles with and wants to change (and I'm sure you could google and help her with strategies if that were the case). It sounds like she just diesnt think it's a big deal, which is wrong and very frustrating.

Why doesnt she work? If you were both working would you be able to afford wrap around care?

Spot on @ShadowOnTheSun!!!

Breakfast clubs/ childminder, but really, is it that much of an issue?

You sound insufferable OP.

Schools are absolutely on top of lateness and absences. If they haven't said there's an issue with lateness, then the OP must be exaggerating. Other parents don't police lateness. It's measured by the school.
And if a woman had posted this thread, the first questions everyone would be asking would be 'how late? and 'have school called you in for a meeting?'

Are you serious?! The OP works over full time and his supposed partner can't bother to do the bare minimum expected of her.

@ShadowOnTheSun
Hit the nail on the head!! ⭐️
@isthis
Of course it’s an issue, read shadows post and have a think about what would be said if it was a lazy useless man

Would the school contact him. For all he knows the school are kicking off. To her.

At our school, if DCs are late, it's in their report card and it would be mentioned at parents' evening and you would be asked in for a meeting to discuss. Is that unusual? Because I don't know a school that doesn't have a robust process for monitoring lateness and attendance. Yet, OP's family haven't had any official letters, reports or meetings about lateness. Unless OP doesn't read reports or attend parents' night - which seems unlikely.

Schools are absolutely on top of lateness and absences.

In my experience, only if the child arrives after the register closes. Which is officially at least 15 minutes after the morning bell. Schools don't want official lateness. Their approach to the five minutes late parents will vary.

Need a serious chat with your wife op, it is upsetting your dd. A pp put a picture up with how 5 minutes/10/15 affects children and how much time it adds up to, show her that. Also what is her reason for refusing to work? Is your job always those hours or are you working so much because you have to as she won't?
It's not right that you are working so much then coming home and having to do household chores nightly too when she refuses to get a job and is home alone for hours every day. Helping out is fine but this seems really unfair.
What is her reasoning for her lateness?
I'm Also another poster who can see how different the answers would be if it was a woman op and lazy husband.

@ShadowOnTheSun Nailed it.

sara that's interesting. In our school you have to sign the late book if the DCs have gone inside. It means you sign it even before the register is taken because the classrooms are at the end of a corridor and then up flights of stairs. So their class could be in the process of walking upstairs or going to the cloakroom but you still have to sign.

Ofcourse they should be on time! She needs to sort it out. We walk a mile. My child is four and started in September. There's a ten minute window to drop them off. We are usually there just before it opens. But we have never been late even if the gates open already. She needs to set her alarm five minutes early.

If she gets her clothes out the night before. Puts snacks in bags the night before. Gets uniform (including socks and pants) out and in one place wherever the kids get dressed the night before that's a start.

My routine is up at 6.25. quick shower or get dressed straight away if I had it the night before. Around 6.40 I spend five minutes putting a small bit of makeup on. Around 6.50 I brush and straighten my hair.

6.55 I make a cuppa and maybe eat. 7.10am get the kids up. Tele on. Cereal or toast. Around 7.30 I dress the toddler and change his nappy. I help the four year old dress. Clean teeth. Brush her hair. Shoes on. Coats on. Fill her water bottle. Give her her vitamins. Between 8.00 and 8.05 I put the toddler in the pushchair, then we walk one mile and usually get there at 8.35-8.40! School officially starts at 8.55!

Op is she depressed? Sounds like she doesn't care which is exactly like I was before I done something about it.