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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting kids to school on time

241 replies

MarkyTinTin · 07/01/2020 23:15

I’m a working dad but lucky enough to work from home 2 days a week so I can take my two dds to school those days. I always get them to school ASAP after it opens - my older d hates being late

Wife does not work but gets the dds to school late every day she has to take the. Not hugely late but always a couple of minutes. I can’t do anything about it and she is habitually late for everything. it’s having an impact on kids and our marriage as I think totally unacceptable. Have tried talking about it and playing the “be on time for the sake of our d” card but nothing changes - this has been 2 years now and at my wits end / stuck for solutions. We have no traffic issues and it’s just down to her leaving 10 mins earlier each day. Am I being unreasonable expecting our children to be delivered on time to school and can anyone advise on alternative strategies to change this behaviour (assuming unacceptable?).

I would give up my job to get them to school on time, but dw is not looking for work so we would lose everything. I can’t stand it any more - grateful for some ideas / alternative strategies please! Thank you 🙏

OP posts:
TwiceAsNice22 · 08/01/2020 06:05

@WotchaTalkinBoutWillis I don’t think it’s a leap when the OP has talked to her about it and it’s clearly causing the OP a lot of stress. It sounds like the eldest child is bothered by it as well. Being late every now and then happens, but to be late every single time is selfish and it’s not taking other people’s feelings into account.

And you are right I don’t know how she is feeling or coping inside, but lots of people have things going on and still manage to get places on time.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2020 06:11

Oh my just looked at the graph from icklekid. I think this would give the greatest impact. Is there anything your wife gets stressed about? Maybe you could relate your dds stress to this.

I used to always be late for things. Dh is the same. It was more I was unrealistic about time. The only thing that cured me was getting my dd into a routine when she was a baby as her sleep was all over the place and she was very stressed. I followed Gina ford, which I know is much hated by many on here for good reason, but those reasons would not apply to you. It was basically a blow by blow. 7.00 do x. 7.05 do y. So for your wife that would be 7.30 breakfast, 8.00 clear away, 8.20 get shoes and coats on, 8.25 get in the car etc. That sort of idea.

Coughy4u · 08/01/2020 06:12

I think you are being too dramatic and im not sure her working or not is relevant some people are always last minute, rushed and late no matter what they are doing. Some people dont know how to manage their time or estimate how long things take even if its something they have done for ages. Is this more about you wanting to be at home and her getting a job because you think she's shit at getting them there early? Your post has a lot of contempt for her.

puds11 · 08/01/2020 06:15

I cannot stand chronic lateness and the ‘it’s just how some people are’ is bullshit. If they wanted to change it they can. It’s not hard. It’s the same as breaking any habit.

greenfieldsofrance · 08/01/2020 06:30

It's not clear if the dcs are late for school or are just getting in later than you like to drop them off, op? There is a 20 min buffer at our school from when you can drop off through until when you'd be considered officially late. I'm surprised if it's them being late for class that the school hasn't been in touch.

user1480880826 · 08/01/2020 06:37

Your wife sounds like a pest. How can she justify not working when your kids are at school? And why does it take her over an hour to get ready in the morning when she’s only taking the kids to school and not getting ready for work?

Also, why have the kids only got time for a few mouthfuls of breakfast before rushing out of the door? Is she also not waking them in time? Going to school hungry is a very serious problem because it will affect their ability to concentrate. That’s even more of an issue than being late for school in my opinion.

I think you need to have a very serious conversation with your wife because things really don’t sound very good.

1AngelicFruitCake · 08/01/2020 06:37

All these ‘I’m late but it’s part of my charm, what’s the big deal’ people are just telling everyone else they think their time is more important than other people’s.

Feel sorry for children who are late for school on a regular basis. That’s making them stand out and look like their parent doesn’t care about them.

Mummyeyes · 08/01/2020 06:45

OP if you are still around. I am late often and hate it. To get dd to school on time I used to drop her at breakfast club. Daft, but effective. I can't believe the peeps coming on here saying lateness isn't a problem. I can't understand how i'm so late but it has lost me so many friends over the years, it is terribly rude and disruptive.
It sounds like your wife needs a job and although it might feel harsh, insisting that she pull her weight would be better for her and the kids.

Sux2buthen · 08/01/2020 06:47

You're not too fixated, there's no excuse for them to be late daily. This would drive me up the wall

Whatsitthingy · 08/01/2020 06:49

I’m with you - this would bug the hell out of me. I also have a DW who thinks time is elastic and seems to run on her own clock but even she wouldn’t allow the kids to be late for school.
It really is as simple as setting an alarm 5 mins before they need to leave the house to get final shoes/ coats etc on

Newmetoday · 08/01/2020 06:53

coughy4u

I hope you’d say that to a woman who’s husband is like this. I doubt you would. He’d be a cocklodger most likely

KatyCarrCan · 08/01/2020 06:55

Since school haven't mentioned it, I don't think this can be as bad as you say. I'm also Confused that you are gossiping with other parents about your wife's perceived shortcomings and lateness. You may get your DC to school on time but you're creating a horrible division between yourself and your DW , and you're creating anxiety for your DCs.
You can't change your DW. You can't control what she does. Stop mentioning school lateness to her. When the school mention it, then it's an issue. In many schools being a few minutes late would mean the DCs were still in the playground anyway.

xmaself24 · 08/01/2020 07:02

This would drive me mad. How on earth can you be 2 hours late for a meal ShockShockShock

Sweetpeach3 · 08/01/2020 07:04

2 hours late for a family lunch

WTF was you doing to be so late ???????

ConfidingFish · 08/01/2020 07:08

If this were a man being late, not even preparing a meal for their wife they would be called a cocklodger.

I volunteer in a primary school the doors open at 8.50 and close at 9am on the dot, if you are not in the playground at 9am then you have to go through the office. There are 2 types of lateness one before the register closes and one after.

The children who come in at 8.50 put their coats and bags into their lockers, bring their packed lunches and water bottles into the classroom then write their homework diaries. Then they complete any corrections from the day before in their books and possibly write the title of whatever work we are doing that morning. This still allows time for gossip at the trays, reading a book and doing some mindful colouring.

Register (and fire register) are taken at about 9.01. So if your child comes in at 9.05 they have missed all of the above. The lesson has started and they are already behind.

It is sheer selfishness to not get your children to school on time. It is unacceptable. People who are late are selfish. 2 hours late? I would have left without her and told her I would meet her there. Is she ever on time for anything for herself? I couldn't be friends with someone who did this.

Sparklybaublefest · 08/01/2020 07:10

so other parents have mentioned it? otherwise you would be oblivious?

stilldoesntknowwhatshappening · 08/01/2020 07:11

Doesn't matter about the other parents. This is still a huge issue in their personal lives as well. She need to give her head a wobble.

Sparklybaublefest · 08/01/2020 07:12

i except the other issues are clouding your judgement op, concentrate on those.

Kcjoe · 08/01/2020 07:14

Oh my...the amount of people that are saying its not an issue...it is! And why on earth should this man be told that be should have to get everything ready for the morning, on the table, when he comes home after being out at work for 16 hours?! And cook a meal..I'm all for equality but his wife is at home all day. Why can't she cook a meal in the day, so that he can just warm something up when he gets home?! I would! She is lazy. Obviously has no regard for anyone but herself. An hour on herself in the morning?!
There is a mum at my sons school who turns up late every morning. I asked one of the other mums why they are always late. Apparently its because she goes to cross fit before school! How ridiculous. Leave the class 10 mins early if you have to. Your daughters schooling is more important here

CosmoK · 08/01/2020 07:15

I was about to post exactly what pixiepowered wrote.

Good old MN double standards rearing their head again.

Op you are not bring unreasonable in the slightest

Bovneydazzlers · 08/01/2020 07:18

What do you get from this relationship?
It doesn’t sound like she respects you much.
Is she a good, active mum to the children when they are not in school?

TryingToBeBold · 08/01/2020 07:19

You are not being unreasonable at all

I used to be one of those people, either late or just on time.
I had a baby and now I refuse to be late. I refuse to be that mum that always blames the kids.
It's not just how people are.. it can be down to disorganization and laziness amongst other things.

You have a wife problem. Refusal to look for a job and leaving you slogging it out. Needs a kick up the backside (or are there other issues going on).

Definitely some double standards going on on the replies though.

Newbie1999 · 08/01/2020 07:20

Why are you doing washing/cooking dinner if she’s not working and your children are school age?

IWishItWasSummer · 08/01/2020 07:23

we arrived for a Lunch with family 2 hours late at the weekend and I didn’t moan or bat an eyelid

There would have been no lunch if you decided to rock up 2 hours late to my house. How bloody rude!

SoupDragon · 08/01/2020 07:23

Do you actually like her at all?