Getting kids to school on time

[MarkyTinTin]

I’m a working dad but lucky enough to work from home 2 days a week so I can take my two dds to school those days. I always get them to school ASAP after it opens - my older d hates being late

Wife does not work but gets the dds to school late every day she has to take the. Not hugely late but always a couple of minutes. I can’t do anything about it and she is habitually late for everything. it’s having an impact on kids and our marriage as I think totally unacceptable. Have tried talking about it and playing the “be on time for the sake of our d” card but nothing changes - this has been 2 years now and at my wits end / stuck for solutions. We have no traffic issues and it’s just down to her leaving 10 mins earlier each day. Am I being unreasonable expecting our children to be delivered on time to school and can anyone advise on alternative strategies to change this behaviour (assuming unacceptable?).

I would give up my job to get them to school on time, but dw is not looking for work so we would lose everything. I can’t stand it any more - grateful for some ideas / alternative strategies please! Thank you 🙏

[Removethemess]

MissMarks yes I understand that if you have issues and are sleep deprived due to children or medical issues but op says no such thing.

Also she has to be out by 8.30am, it’s not like she needs to drop them off at 7.30am. So doing my own calculation if I had to leave at 8.30 and needed and hour to get ready I would be getting up 6.30. That is a pretty reasonable time to get ready, and hour to get myself ready and an hour to get the dcs ready and pack lunches etc

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I was occasionally late when my kids were small (three under 5), but my kids weren’t particularly bothered by it. I wasn’t bothered by it. If the kids had been, I would’ve made more effort.

I read something on here from a teacher about how disruptive it is to settling the class and starting the day off well when kids are coming in late and I also had a conversation with a friend of mine I really admire, where they were very disparaging of people who were late at their school, so I decided to change my ways. I set the alarm 15 minutes earlier and like magic we were never late again.

Being late all the time doesn’t mean you are some sort of free spirit: it generally means you are a bit self centred.

[Catsandchardonnay]

An hour on personal care? Oh she’s one of those mums is she? Who has to turn up at the school gates looking immaculate. (I bet her lateness isn’t the only thing that gets bitched about.) She’s got her priorities all wrong.

YANBU OP. My DH is often late for things and makes the kids late and it does my fucking head in. I feel like I’m always nagging him to get ready quicker and it’s really stressful whenever we go anywhere. He sits on the loo for fucking ages too which really irritates me.

No real solution sorry, just empathy.

[K0612]

That's so unfair on your children. Children don't want to stand out, they want to line up and go in with their classmates. They don't want to feel the need to apologise for their mums mistakes. They should also be taught that timekeeping is important. If they wanted to work as a teacher they couldn't just turn up 10 mins late everyday. No advice just sympathy and understand completely why you are so annoyed.

[PixiePowered]

It's threads like these that highlight the double standards on MN, by a few posters.

If a woman posted that she done the school run 2 days a week, working from home to do so, and that her husband was always late to school because they pisses about in the morning (and was also a SAHP with no desire to work) they'd be told they have a DH problem, he's a lazy so-and-so, cock lodger etc.
A man posts the same about a woman and the excuses come flooding in - you're fixating, it's not that big a deal, buy her a watch and so on.

Th children are bothered therefore it is an issue. Consistently being late for school has been linked to school anxiety and poorer performance as a result. If your child is worried coming in to school because they're late, something they are upset about, that has a knock on effect for the rest of the day; concentration levels, how settled they are; their response to certain situations. If someone was consistently 5-10 minutes late in my class it would not only impact that child but the rest of the class. The register and lunches would be completed, the class settled in their morning reading. A child coming in and getting organised during that time disrupts them. For the child coming in they then need to report to the office (if they didn't come in the main door); if they are a school lunch they need to head to the kitchen and order it themselves; then they come back and deal with the other 9 year olds staring and asking questions. It's not pleasant. Not only that most of the children who have been late then apologise for being so, despite it not being their fault, and they worry about that.
We know how bad it feels to be stressed or harassed before work and yet somehow the children are expected to just deal with it.

[PixiePowered]

pissed about not pisses. Bloody autocorrect.

[cabbageking]

Stop taking the kids to school and let her do 5 days instead.

[Herpesfreesince03]

I can’t believe there’s people on here that think being ten minutes late for school every day isn’t a big deal. In my school the gates to the classrooms close at 9.50 on the dot. That means any child who is even 10 seconds late has to make their way to reception to sign in with their reason for lateness and then disrupt the classroom. If a child is five minutes late then they have missed the teacher greeting them and settling them into the classroom which can very surprisingly throw off their whole day. At ten minutes late the child has missed morning registration and has missed the chance of ordering their lunch preference which is electronically ordered immediately after registration. This means they have to eat whatever surplus meals are leftover at lunchtime whether they like it or not. If more children are late than surplus meals ordered then the teachers have to phone the parents and ask them to either drop off a packed lunch, or remove their child from school until after lunchtime so they can be fed at home and then return them for the final lesson. If a child is more than ten minutes late then they’ve missed the start of the lesson and it’s a compete pita for the teacher who has to start again. It’s a complete ball ache for everyone, embarrassing for the child and completely unnecessary. If a child is late in my school more than once a fortnight the school certainly lets you know about it. Your wife needs to get a grip

[Bowerbird5]

There are people that are early and those that are late. I’m often running late. I want to be on time but I think sometimes I don’t estimate how long I need or I try and squeeze in a couple of things I see need doing. How about helping her. If the kids are not getting breakfast that is bad. Can you set the table the night before so once the milk is on the table they can help themselves? Talk to her calmly and work out how much time she needs. Then suggest that an alarm is set ten minutes before she needs to be out the door. If the kids are ready waiting she might get into a new routine of leaving earlier.

[PixiePowered]

BowerBird she is an adult, he doesn't need to pander to her. She also has, I'm assuming, no other children at home once the children are at school - she can do whatever she wants after they are dropped off and on time.
The man is also out the house for 14 hours a day and works from home and does the school run for two days a week.

She is being asked to adult for 3 mornings a week.

[saraclara]

When I taught reception class, I had a parent like that. Every single day the rest of the class would be sitting on the carpet quietly while I did the register, and there'd be a loud kerfuffle in the cloakroom outside, with the mother talking loudly to her daughter "now come on...it's okay - you won't be in trouble - Ms Clara won't mind".
Then she'd bring her in, disrupting everything, and the rest of the kids would roll their eyes.

That mother was doing her kid a disservice in many ways. The kid as flustered and uncomfortable, and within weeks that child was unpopular with the rest of the class, who were too immature to see this as anything other than the child being different, or naughty.

I'm amazed at the number of people on this thread who think it's fine to be a few minutes late. If yours is the only kid in a class of 25 who's not there when class starts, and they disrupt things when they arrive, they're going to be marked out as 'different'.

Because this child arrived before I'd sent the register to the office, she was never marked as late, so it wouldn't have come to anyone's attention officially.

[saraclara]

Also what @PixiePowered said. I can't believe the double standard from some on this thread.

[Instagrump]

Lot of people saying it's not a big deal. I wonder if most bosses would be okay with staff clocking in 5-10 minutes late every single day? It's not difficult to get kids to school on time and I say this as someone who is always running late but NEVER for school. Ever. Get your wife to set various alarms on her phone. I know if I hear Eurythmics and my eldest DD is still in the house she has to go immediately. If it's Michael Jackson singing away on my phone then I need to be heading out the door with the younger, primary aged D.C. The kids recognise the various alarms too and it works.

If your DW really is that bad then more alarms the better. One for breakfast, one for teeth brushing etc. It's not fair on the kids to be doing the late walk of shame every day into class.

[diydisaster]

Are you my DH. Seriously though, I have dyslexia and my time management is bad - always thinking I can squeeze in an extra job before leaving the house. However I realised that taking DD to school is probably my most important job therefore I make real effort to get there on time, occasionally I do slip up. Unfortunately I think no matter how much nag she won't change, the motivation needs to come from herself. Sit down and explain the implications of being late etc. Out of interest how is she at pick up? That's something I'v never been late for because I couldn't bare the thought of DD waiting for me so make sure to aim for 20 mins early.

[56Marshmallow]

She sounds like she might be depressed if she's struggling that much being a SAHM to school aged children.

My do is ALWAYS late for everything, always has been. Your DW needs to change her mindset. If they need to leave at 8.45 to be there on time then, in her head (and tell the kids) that they need to leave at 8.35 so there's always a bit of slack time.

Habitually late people, I find, tend to leave everything to the last minute. They think they can leave at 8.45 with no allowance for even a slight issue.

[VenusTiger]

Is it last minute things that make her minutes late? Like filling water bottles or getting shoes cleaned or packing school bags etc.? If so, can you do these preppy things before you go to bed so that the bottles are filled and perhaps in the fridge overnight, lunches/snacks already packed... shoes cleaned, coats and hats etc already put out on back of kitchen chairs - cereals/bowls/plates/jug for milk etc. already laid out on the table before bed... also uniform laid out ready to just put on etc.
If it's a few minutes lateness, these little jobs tend to be reasons why in my experience.

[VenusTiger]

Another thing OP, I've changed the clocks in the kitchen and our bedside which is set several minutes fast! Try that and maybe if you have to, tell her in a few months time.

[VenusTiger]

@saraclara very interesting insight into how it affects the child - thank you!

[bettybattenburg]

I would be annoyed, there is no excuse for such tardiness on her part. Quite what you can do is beyond me though.

[WotchaTalkinBoutWillis]

Why is she late? I don't get it.
I hear you though.
Mine are in secondary school now and make their own way there but at primary it was a half hour walk each way.
We'd still be out the door regardless of all the bollox we got before setting off (no I don;t know where your sodding book bag is lol, I've just GIVEN you some friggin socks what do you mean where are they and no I didn't?! )
Saw some that lived next street to school always late, I suppose it depends on state of mind. Sometimes it can be hard even when it's not

[SophieSong]

So in addition to not working or being able to get the kids to school on time, she’s also not pulling her weight housework wise?

[thaegumathteth]

I cannot believe people are suggesting she should be helped by the OP. FFS.

I cannot abide lateness it's so disrespectful and no, some people aren't just late and some people are just early. I'm always early not because it's innate but because it's bloody rude to be late and also because my mum was always late and / or disorganised and it made me so so stressed out, I'd hate to inflict that on my Kids.

[WotchaTalkinBoutWillis]

She sounds like she might be depressed if she's struggling that much being a SAHM to school aged children

That's what I was thinking and getting at, sometimes mental load of what needs to be done can get to you.

[Weenurse]

2 hours late for lunch.
That is just rude.
I am early for everything.
When I was in prep, we had a school concert.
I was late getting there because my Dad was late.
My whole class was on stage when we arrived. I was distraught.
I have anxiety related to lateness ever since.
Don’t do this to your children, either she gets them there on time, or she gets a job so they can go to before school care and be on time.
Good luck

[goatbame]

My dh is often late for everything and taking ds to school. It shows no respect for yourself or anyone else, drives me mad.