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Original poster

Regret having children

262 replies

PumpkinP · 07/01/2020 14:02

Does anyone else regret having children? I know it’s sounds awful and I will probably be flamed for this but I really can’t help the feeling of deep regret. I feel this way pretty much every day.

I feel guilty for feeling this way and wondered if it’s normal or if anyone else feels the same?

OP posts:
RiddleyW · 07/01/2020 14:04

I did when DS was a baby but don't now. How old are your children?

3rdNamechange · 07/01/2020 14:05

Absolutely. We will get flamed. I'm quite jealous of women who choose not to have children.

XJerseyGirlX · 07/01/2020 14:05

I could be wrong, and you could genuinely regret having children as you say. But , just asking... do you think you may have had untreated Post Natal depression ? How old are your children op?

XJerseyGirlX · 07/01/2020 14:06

im assuming they are young but i know i could be wrong its just you didnt say in your post.

Sweetbabycheezits · 07/01/2020 14:06

How old is your dc/dcs?
I think we all have times when life was carefree and fun, and miss being other things other than 'mum'. I really struggled when mine were little, but now they're older, 12 and 13, and I really like them as the people they are.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but I think it's good to just say it...we're never told about the ugly side of motherhood; the shit days, the broken sleep, the relentlesness of it all.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 07/01/2020 14:07

I dont know how old your children are or what your circumstances are. It may be perfectly reasonable for it now to be difficult. But now they are here I am sure you love them and it isnt their fault. It may well be if you can change other things in your life it will get better. Children are a completely differnt job as they grow. What ages are they? You may well find that these feelings go

ChazP · 07/01/2020 14:07

Don’t feel guilty about it. Parenting is the hardest job anyone will ever do. No judgment here -just big hugs. You’ve taken a brave step by admitting this.

Have you felt like this from the moment your DC was/were born or is it a new feeling? How old are your kids? Could it be PND? If you’ve been feeling it for some time I would advise you contact your GP for some professional help.

Original poster
PumpkinP · 07/01/2020 14:07

I don’t know if it is PND. I think I’ve felt this way for the last year maybe 2. They are 8,7 5 and 2. Ofcourse I do love them but I just wish I hadn’t had any of them.

OP posts:
XJerseyGirlX · 07/01/2020 14:08

Thats quite a brood, no wonder you feel overwhelmed. Do you get any time to yourself or support?

Original poster
PumpkinP · 07/01/2020 14:11

No I’m a lone parent.

OP posts:
Sunsetsandmoons · 07/01/2020 14:11

Did you feel like that after your first?

I personally don’t know how anyone manages with 4.

JustaScratch · 07/01/2020 14:13

Wow! You must be exhausted! I just have the one and I often crave the solitude and simplicity of a child free life. I don't regret having her but I do find it very tough. I guess there is no perfect answer and if we hadn't had kids we might regret that too. The most we can hope for is to forgive ourselves for not being perfect adoring earth-mothers, try and appreciate the good times and accept that sometimes it's just shit, but that's probably true for everyone. We are only human.

Brimful · 07/01/2020 14:13

My friend has been a great mum, two wonderful boys (well, they're young men now!).

She's confided in me she wishes she'd never had them. She'd die for them, loves them dearly, but says the sacrifice and constant stress/worry isn't worth it.

She feels her life as her own person ended when she became a mum, and even though now the boys are older, happy, and have left home, it's taken the best years of her life and she still worries about them just as much now they're young adults. It's relentless.

So you're not alone, OP - I'm sure there will be many more on the thread too.

gamerchick · 07/01/2020 14:14

Yep I do and I have no littlies. My 2 eldest are adults.

Could you be depressed though? I don't suffer from depression but it could be manifesting as how you're feeling for you if it coincides with your last baby and doing it alone to boot.

TiggeryBear · 07/01/2020 14:16

I definitely feel this. I mean; I love my kids but it is so hard. Mine are almost 4 & 18months. I'm currently really struggling with the behaviour of my eldest which definitely doesn't help.
I guess people always say that having young kids is hard but unless you're living it no-one else gets it.

CakeSlice · 07/01/2020 14:17

I'm sure you won't be flamed, from what I've read online, articles I've seen and people I've spoken to, it's not uncommon.

If you can advance search on here or use reddit and search on there or just google search you will find many people who feel the same and ways they have coped, where they have got support and things that have helped them.

BeatriceTheBeast · 07/01/2020 14:20

Omg a lone parent to four dcs sounds so tough op.

I don't blame you for feeling low. Are you at work or SAHP?

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2020 14:20

No, it's the best thing I ever ever did, but I only had one. I can imagine that if you choose to have four and are a single parent then it will be very tough indeed.

I'm not sure it's regret you're absolutely feeling, maybe exhaustion, frustration, boredom, maybe even skint, etc etc,

However as a pp said, if this feeling coincides with your last child being born, as it seems it does, it could be pnd.

Think of the positives they bring to your life.

XJerseyGirlX · 07/01/2020 14:21

Op you need some support, have you any family around? Its easy to fall into a depression when your life becomes about kids, kids and only kids. You need some fun (hard to say when you need childcare and money i know). Where do you live? Are there any single parent groups available (Just had the Hugh Grant film about a boy pop into my head- chanting Single parents alone together) Im so sorry you feel like this, i imagine its a mixture of PND and not having any time to yourself.Have you spoken to your doctor, 2 years is a long time to feel like this.

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2020 14:25

Op, I ask this gently, but what caused you to be a single parent to four kids? Was it a choice, or did a relationship break down, a bereavement? Are the father or fathers involved? Do they take the kids any? Pay maintenance? What about grandparents or extended family?

Nuttyaboutnutella · 07/01/2020 14:26

I don't necessarily regret them but I am finding it tough and relentless at the moment. My eldest is nearly 3 and undergoing assessment for ASD. Hes also non verbal, plus I have a demanding 7 month old. The days are fucking mind numbing some days but I have to get on with it. Can't even go back to work just yet until eldest is in school full time as childcare is difficult. It's bloody hard going, so hats off to you with 4 children.

timeforawine · 07/01/2020 14:26

I don't regret it no, my daughter is my world and i'm so glad i have her.
But i'd hate anyone to flame you, it sounds like you have it very tough and are in need of a break.
Do you get any down time while the eldest are in school? Is the youngest in nursery or could they be for maybe a day a week, to give you that quiet time

M3lon · 07/01/2020 14:28

I also regret having children.

I don't think its that weird to be honest, and its probably not that rare either....

There are few decisions in life that make as great an impact on the course of your life as the one to have children. Its fair enough that at least some people are going to feel at the end of it all that it wasn't necessarily the right choice for them.

In particular women, but also men, are heavily conditions (by society) that having children is just by default expected. So a LOT of people are doing it without fullying investigating in a rational way whether it is the right thing for them. There are a lot of benefits to having children but there are a huge number of negatives too. For some people the balance will not turn out to be in favour.

op, whatever else you think or feel - please don't feel guilty for your feelings. They are what they are and there is no benefit in beating yourself up for it. If anything the guilt will likely enhance your negative feelings rather than do anything to reverse them.

The major benefit of children is that everything changes continually. You may well be feeling the decision was the wrong one now - but that may change in the future as they and you change.

blue25 · 07/01/2020 14:28

Yes definitely. I know of others too. It’s more common than you think!

ukgift2016 · 07/01/2020 14:29

I did when my daughter was a toddler and I became a single mum. But as she grew older, no definitely not.

Why did you have four children? That would have broke me. One or two is manageable.

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