To be angry my best friend is emigrating?

[rainbowdreamer0]

A bit of background - my best friend and I met at nursery school over 30 years ago. She is basically a sister to me and we have been through everything together. It’s hard to put into words how close we are - we chat every day without fail and see each other all the time despite not living in the same city anymore. We’ve been on countless trips and holidays and we’ve been there for each other at the drop of a hat numerous times. She is genuinely more like family to me than a friend, and as I don’t have any siblings she is the sister I never had. I don’t have anyone else I can rely on in the same way as her.

She met an Aussie a few years ago and mentioned they might emigrate at some point. I didn’t take it well and told her I thought it was pretty selfish as her parents are elderly and she’s an only child. We had a bit of a row about it and the topic has never come up since.

Fast forward to now - I’m 7 months pregnant (due in early March, hormones pretty crazy at the moment) and I had a call last night to say she and her husband are moving to Oz at the end of the month and she has a work visa initially for a short period but the likelihood is that she won’t be coming back. I want to be a good friend and supportive but I feel really hurt that she has kept this all from me until now, and also that she is leaving just weeks before my baby is due. I had always imagined our kids growing up together as we did and I find the thought of her moving absolutely devastating. I have been up all night crying and feel physically sick. I feel angry that she is choosing to leave at a time when she knows I will really need her. It’s like she doesn’t give a toss about me anymore. AIBU to be angry at how she’s handled this and the fact she is leaving just weeks before the baby is born?

Is this a reverse?
Yabvu, her life shouldn't revolve around you, sorry. She should not have to put her plans on hold because you are having a baby.

You shouldn't have started something with her when she told you she wanted to move before, and I imagine that is why she hasn't told you now.

YABU. It’s her life!

Errrrr pull your big girl pants up, give yourself a head wobble, tell your friend how excited you are for her and you’ll look forward to your first Skype from down under

Then you can cry if you want to in your pillow.

She didn't tell you because you threw a tantrum when she suggested it previously.

She can't put her life on hold for you and if you were really a good friend you'd be happy that she's happy and be planning how often you can fly out to see her.

Yes YABU to be angry that a grown woman is doing what's right for her.

You don't give a toss about her at all. Yoy, you, you

Yabvu

I get you’re sad that she’s emigrating but I’m not surprised she’s only just told you. She probably put it off as long as possible after your precious reaction.

She’s made a decision that is right for her and her family, after all it’s her life. Just because you’re close doesn’t mean she can’t do or go anywhere.

YABVU. She is perfectly entitled to make decisions about her life without consulting you.

She didn't tell you because she was worried about your reaction. And rightly so.

That was supposed to say previous reaction but precious works too.

Hopefully this is just pregnancy hormones.

This had better not be a reverse, @rainbowdreamer0. They are so dishonest, manipulative and maddening.

Anyway, YABU, irrational and needy af. Concentrate on your baby and staying in a state of calm equilibrium.

I imagine she's not mentioned it again due to your reaction the first time. She's allowed to live wherever she likes and actually doesn't need to consult or consider you at all.

Perfectly reasonable to be upset that she's leaving though, I would feel the same. She's not being unreasonable for going though.

Blimey. It's all about you. Not.

I don’t imagine it was an easy decision for her. Sadly these things happen and while it’s understandable to be upset, if you want to keep her friendship you need to try and be supportive. Does she have kids? Maybe she felt you were moving on with your life when you got pregnant and she is just moving on with hers too. Try and think of future holidays to Australia!

Perfectly reasonable to be upset op but it's not reasonable to expect her to stay x

Please read what you have written it’s all about you and your life and no recognition that rightly her priority is her family unit (I assume she has kids) and she didn’t tell you because she knew you would react like this

People emigrating is tough and it’s hard but normally those doing it are doing it because it works for them and you have to respect that

It's ok to be upset that your good friend wont be around. It's not ok to be angry that she made a decision without you. Did you check with her before TTC?

Yabu
Plus now you have somewhere to stay when you want an australia holiday, look on the bright side

Think people are maybe being a bit harsh here - it sounds like you're just devastated about the thought of losing her. It's totally natural to grieve the future you thought you had with her, but you need to try and be supportive on the surface if you don't want to lose her as a friend altogether. Just be honest with her - say you're sorry for over-reacting, that you're just upset because you're going to miss her, but that you understand it's her life and her choice. And put in place some plans for Skype calls etc as she'll probably be grateful for some contact from home while she's settling in.

Even sisters have to put their new families ahead of their old ones, and if that means emigrating, so be it. I suspect you would have grown apart a bit after the baby is born anyway, because your own priorities would change. It does sound as if you have been over-dependent on this friend, and maybe it's all for the best if this forces you to make a bigger circle of friends.

My friend who I think of as family friends for 20 years etc emigrated 10 years ago.
We miss each other very much but have stayed just as close (it is possible)
I have an amazing relationship with her little boy who was born there and I know him and him me despite the distance.
We text every day and FaceTime a couple of times a week - and in between go along with our own lives.

Yes it's hard but your friend needs you as much as you need her, don't make things tricky before she goes on this massive change in life - she'll be gutted she's missing your baby being born etc. Send her a message saying you're gutted and will miss her terribly but support her in her adventure!
She'll appreciate that I think.

YANBU that it’s selfish for people (especially only children) to emigrate abroad when they have elderly parents (assuming they have a good and loving relationship with them). I totally get the whole ‘it’s their life’ thing and yes they are ‘entitled’ to do it but it’s still a bit selfish.

This has happened several times recently in mine and DH’s circles and it’s just selfish.
In fact a family member just emigrated with their spouse and 4 kids shortly after their DM had a stroke! What makes it ultimate CF’ery is that the DM was full time free childcare for all their kids and bent over backwards to help them as a young family (essentially an unpaid nanny/housekeeper) the moment kids were all at school and she needed their support in return- emigrated!

My best friend moved to the Middle East 10 years ago, for work. Like you we had been friends for 30 years, and I knew it would be hard (well different anyway).
Thanks to the wonders of modern technology we talk (well message) everyday, in fact we are probably in contact more than we were when she was over here. We are as close as ever, she is back here a couple of times a year (I can’t go and see her due to Visa issues), we are always there for each other. She’s actually moving back here within the next 12 months - so really looking forward to that.
I was upset / annoyed / pissed off, when she decided to move, but I never told her that .. a small rant at my husband and then I was over it. I know she didn’t really want to go (complicated), so I was just supportive and tried to help as much as I could.
I developed new friendships as well ... though my other close friend has moved down South to be with family ( maybe it’s me!). We still message everyday.
Your friends are your friends regardless of where they live, communication these days is instant ... and just think of the holidays 😊

I understand how sad you must be - I had a similar thing happen - a neighbour and close friend moved to Australia and I was so sad because we did so much together and our children were friends and we were very close.

I remember being gutted when she told me and when she actually went it left a huge void in my life and I couldn't walk past her house for weeks. But I got over it.

Fortunately I'm married to an Aussie so we go there often and I've seen her many times and she's been back and stayed with me here. And I've filled the void with other friends and you will too.

Be supportive and kind - I know it's hard and you feel gutted but when your baby comes along you will not only be very busy have you'll also have the chance to make many new friends. There was and isn't any guarantee your friend would have had children anyway - in fact there's no guarantees of anything in this life. So be pleased and excited for her (although I have to say the bush fires would massively put me off moving there atm)

If I were your friend not only would I be emigrating but I’d be using this as an opportunity to cool the friendship.

You’re upset because she didn’t tell you because she’s moving so close to your due date? “Me me me me me” it’s all about you isn’t it? Get over yourself.