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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking to move in, WWYD?

261 replies

kwazycupcakes · 04/01/2020 09:42

Morning everyone, has anyone else has been in a similar situation and could share their opinion please?.

DH and I are 30 and own our own home (mortgage). We have a spare bedroom. Some of our friends are in different places in their lives e.g. single or living with parents. That is fine with us, we never bring it up (although they do a few times).

We've had two different friends ask to temporarily move in with us.

Friend 1 - Lived with parents and was saving up for a deposit to rent a house, but was struggling due to all their bills (new car on finance, rent to parents etc). They knew we were decorating our spare bedroom and everytime they came over they kept asking if we'd finished decorating and hinting that if they moved in for two months they would save enough money for a deposit. Everytime they came over they would hint and asked directly a few times.

Friend 2 - Not great with money, new car on finance and latest tech gadgets etc. Has just moved into a family members caravan as it is rent free and they can sort their finances out. Caravan site closes for 6 weeks in January, so they have just asked if they can move in with us for 6 weeks.

Both of them expected to stop with us rent/bill free. And both of them expected us to say yes and that it wouldn't be a problem.

AIBU to say no? DH and I are not rich and have worked hard and saved to get to a point where we can own a house with a spare bedroom. We don't have new cars or latest tech, and we save money every month to work on the house. We are both introverts and appreciate our own space.

Also might be relevant that we are TTC so we hope the bedroom won't be 'spare' for long.

OP posts:
DeadSouth · 04/01/2020 09:44

Say no and make it clear they would have to pay rent and contribute if they were to move in anyway. Friends don’t get a free ride

DartmoorDoughnut · 04/01/2020 09:46

Fuck that

Smurfy23 · 04/01/2020 09:46

Anytime anyone makes a comment like that I'd just smile and make a joke like "oh you couldnt afford our.rent!" and move on. If they ask directly just be honest and say no- sorry, you cant afford it. I wouldnt go into any more detail with your explanation, you dont owe them one at all.

TimeTravellersHat · 04/01/2020 09:46

Your house your rules.

Sounds like they are being CFs. Why should you guys host them for free when it will impact on your privacy, comfort levels, noise levels, utility bills? It would be a “ha ha - no I value my privacy too much!” from me!

SuperSange · 04/01/2020 09:46

No. They're freeloading tossers. Not their business if you have a spare room; you want to stay, you pay. What very strange/rude friends you have. I can't think of a single one of my mates who would suggest this.

ipswichwitch · 04/01/2020 09:47

Of course you’re not BU! What a pair of cheeky sods, I’m sure they’d love to live with you rent free, I mean wtf are they thinking trying to freeload off you?! Any sane person would say no.

PersonaNonGarter · 04/01/2020 09:47

Say No.

Really, saying No and meaning it is a skill all adults need. Especially to protect themselves/their peace in their own home. Learn to say it and mean it.

EggysMom · 04/01/2020 09:47

I don't see how either of them would be better off, unless they didn't pay you rent. And why wouldn't they pay you rent, why would they expect a free ride?

Very simply to say no, you tell them that you cannot afford them to stay rent-free either and in fact it's cheaper for them to remain where they are (as parents notoriously charge less rent than lodger rates).

Ragglesnaggle · 04/01/2020 09:48

Hideous! Absolutely not!

PotteringAlong · 04/01/2020 09:48

Not a hope! Just say no.

happytoday73 · 04/01/2020 09:49

Just say no.
Id also make it clear that we're you to rent a room out it would be exactly that... Renting a room out so £xxx a month

Nowthereistwo · 04/01/2020 09:49

If you needed some extra money and they paid rent then may be.

But hell no to what they are proposing.

kaldefotter · 04/01/2020 09:49

Keep saying no!

And have a think about why your so-called friends are so keen to take the mick.

Foslady · 04/01/2020 09:49

Not a cat in hells.

Probably thinking that living with mates will be some great fun adventure, every time they spend money you’ll resent it as not only are they not paying you but they also aren’t savour for their own place.
They didn’t need to buy such an expensive car - their choice. You and your dp have made yours.

Let them jog on!

CalmdownJanet · 04/01/2020 09:50

No no no. To friend 1: I'd say "Haha ya right, I definitely don't want a tenant and if I did get one I'd be charging more in rent that your parents, so you'd have less to save"

Friend 2 "No, look you aren't the first to ask, I said no then too so it's not personal, we just do not want a tenant no matter how short term it is"

Marriedtoapenguin · 04/01/2020 09:50

It's a no from the audience. They're taking the piss.

Thunderclearstheair · 04/01/2020 09:51

Whaaaat? Jesus where do you live I’ll be right over!! Grin

Keep saying no to the cheeky fuckers!

OverThinker1981 · 04/01/2020 09:51

Say no, it'll be awkward but if they're good friends they'll understand. I wouldn't even talk about rent, bills etc as they may try to negotiate. I would say to them at the moment my DH and myself would prefer not to rent, we hope you understand. Don't explain too much and don't feel you have to apologise.

khaleesiofthegreatgrasssea · 04/01/2020 09:51

YANBU. This is bizarre, especially the first friend who is paying rent to their parents but expects not to with you? Say to both "sorry, that's not feasible for us. Hope you get something sorted!" Then move on. Broken record if it carries on ("as I said, it's not feasible"; "because it's just not feasible"; " it still isn't feasible, please stop asking").

InAPrettyCabinet · 04/01/2020 09:53

You know you wouldn't get rid of them after the 'agreed' time. It would end up becoming a long term issue. Just say no.

Boireannachlaidir · 04/01/2020 09:54

YANBU to say no. Be firm.

Pretty awful of your friends to even ask/hint.

Ihaveamind · 04/01/2020 09:56

YANBU
I can't believe Friend 1 thought they could stay with you rent free when their own parents expected rent!
Your friends who are presumably close to you in age so grown adults not even young adults anymore ( sorry) have chosen how to allocate their money. They have cars and tech and presumably nights out and holidays.
You and your DH made a different decision.
Neither is right or wrong but just like you aren't entitled to borrow their new cars when they are not using them and drive them on fuel they have paid for. They are not entitled to your spare room.
Although if you are TTC and saving monthly to finish the house I would recommend a weekday lodger for a few months if there is demand for that where you live. Would take away the spare room issue and allow you to save for maternity leave.

Yetanotherwinter · 04/01/2020 09:59

Perfect response @CalmdownJanet. They are CF for sure.

FriedasCarLoad · 04/01/2020 10:00

"Haha yes if we had two months/6 weeks without having to pay mortgage and bills we might be able to afford a new car /all the latest gadgets like yours!"

MindYours · 04/01/2020 10:00

I had this and literally said this but I am known for being a 'straight shooter' apparently:

"Sorry mate but I just don't want to live with anyone, friend or even relative, no matter how long or short term it just wouldn't work. I am introverted, I NEED my own space and to live by myself. No offence to you because I would give even my immediate family the same answer. To be honest, even when people have stayed for one night I feel like they're under my feet if they haven't fucked off by 10am. Sorry!"

😊