Friend asking to move in, WWYD?

[kwazycupcakes]

Morning everyone, has anyone else has been in a similar situation and could share their opinion please?.

DH and I are 30 and own our own home (mortgage). We have a spare bedroom. Some of our friends are in different places in their lives e.g. single or living with parents. That is fine with us, we never bring it up (although they do a few times).

We've had two different friends ask to temporarily move in with us.

Friend 1 - Lived with parents and was saving up for a deposit to rent a house, but was struggling due to all their bills (new car on finance, rent to parents etc). They knew we were decorating our spare bedroom and everytime they came over they kept asking if we'd finished decorating and hinting that if they moved in for two months they would save enough money for a deposit. Everytime they came over they would hint and asked directly a few times.

Friend 2 - Not great with money, new car on finance and latest tech gadgets etc. Has just moved into a family members caravan as it is rent free and they can sort their finances out. Caravan site closes for 6 weeks in January, so they have just asked if they can move in with us for 6 weeks.

Both of them expected to stop with us rent/bill free. And both of them expected us to say yes and that it wouldn't be a problem.

AIBU to say no? DH and I are not rich and have worked hard and saved to get to a point where we can own a house with a spare bedroom. We don't have new cars or latest tech, and we save money every month to work on the house. We are both introverts and appreciate our own space.

Also might be relevant that we are TTC so we hope the bedroom won't be 'spare' for long.

Just tell them you don't want anyone living with you.

How weird of them to even ask.

If they ask directly then the answer is we value our space and privacy more than the rent we would get for the room so no we will not be renting it out to anyone.
Both of you need to have a response be ready and be prepared to give it if asked. Do not blame the other partner but make it clear it is a joint position. If pushed refuse to discuss any further. We work hard for our home and are not prepared to discuss this further, you've asked we've said no, that's it.

If you had wanted to rent to friend 1 on a fixed-term basis with them paying rent and bills then I'd have said fine.

But anyone wanting to sponge off you for 2 months is a CF.

Nope. I'd be saying no, too. Especially because they'd be effectively costing you money

Sorry but no.
Simples

They are definitely CF's why would you expect to stay free with friends if you pay your own parents rent!?

Just say no you don't have to give an explanation, room has been decorated to become a nursery you don't want someone else in there.

It’s one thing to rent out your spare room but for people to expect they can just move in is taking the piss.

Blatant CF-ery. I can’t believe the nerve of some people.

I’d knock this right on the head PDQ - don’t let them even begin to think you might cave in.

Rent or no rent, unless it's an absolute emergency and they are an extremely good friend NO, NO, NO. Your home is your refuge from the world, the one place you should be able to relax and do your own thing your way at your pace. Even the best and most considerate of friends will very likely get on your tits in no time. They will want to talk when you want peace, they will hang around when you want time alone with your OH, they will have habits that increasingly irritate you, they will get in your way, they will overstay their welcome.

No x 100

Both of them expected to stop with us rent/bill free. And both of them expected us to say yes and that it wouldn't be a problem.

That is what’s cheeky, not them asking to stay. What on earth would be in it for you??

It’s like they’ve been eyeing up that room as some kind of entitlement. “That room is just sitting there empty, what do they need with it?!”

If they don’t pay rent it would cost you money (extra utilities) to host them. Plus it could be problematic for insurance and mortgage reasons.

Just say oh god no that wouldn't work for us at all. Then laughs and change the subject.

Definitely NO to ‘friend’1. & to be honest, someone who badgers you to move in & thinks they should pay less to live with you than they do their parents probably isn’t someone I’d call a friend.

Friend 2, if they are genuinely now trying to sort their finances out & don’t have an obvious better choice to stay with (parents/siblings) I’d probably say yes to, but make it very clear that as soon as they are allowed to move back into the caravan they do. I would expect them to contribute to the cost of food, but that’s all.

I’ve stayed with family/friends at difficult times and I’ve had family/friends stay with me. I didn’t pay & they didn’t pay. I guess the difference was though that I’m not a CF & neither were the people that stayed with me and your F1 sounds like a CF for sure.

Maybe you could tell they you’re using every surface & every room to ‘practice’ leading up to TTC 🤣

We have done it both ways.

But it's far better if you don't charge rent. When you charge they feel like they have equal rights. Everytime for us it ended in tears.

When we didn't charge (but did for food and ultities) we had far more control and they were more grateful.

But it was better without either!!!

No as you are enjoying the time of peace and quiet just as a couple as that is likely to change soon with kids. No way are you giving this precious time up.

Tell them yes! Actually you’d be delighted as you could do with the extra money as things are really tight. You’ve looked up similar rooms on air bnb and they’re xxx per night, then ask them for the money up front for however long they need to stay.... you’ll not see them for dust

Good grief, YANBU.

I have experienced people who seem to believe that people who have more of a particular 'resource' than they do somehow owe it to them to 'share' (not talking anything life-saving here, first world 'resources'). I've had it over childcare, from a friend/neighbour who did have tricky childcare situations sometimes, but expected us to take on much more than we were comfortable with. There does seem (saying this as someone who left the UK a long time ago) to be an attitude in the UK that one is entitled to buy property/to a mortgage and that those who have this resource are somehow obliged to provide 'help'. And, frankly, some people do just try it on.

Tbh I'd have been tempted to say something like 'Sure, as long as I can have use of your car for the duration, whenever I want, with you paying all petrol/tax/insurance etc.' That won't have gone down well at all, I suspect. Then I would have asked them to reflect on what they were asking.

A definite NO.
IME it never turns out to be just a few weeks.

It's weird that they would even ask to stay rent free and even weirder that you have to ask to say no. I think an assertiveness course would really help you to learn to say no which is really important in life

Not a chance in hell. What a bloody cheek! Even when I was dirt poor i would never expect to stay at a friends house rent free or not contribute to bills etc.
Just say no- you dont have to apologise or make excuses or justifications, simply "No- that won't work for us".
If they keep on pressing just tell them that whilst they cannot afford rent/bills neither can you afford to subsidise someone living in the house for free. They will have no answer or solution to that.

I am often hosting friends for free, if they are real friends. Shortest for a couple of weeks, longest for a year and a half. The more the merrier, I am not very territorial either. If they have children, it is an amazing opportunity for our children to bond too.

No way. They would never leave.

Tbh I'd have been tempted to say something like 'Sure, as long as I can have use of your car for the duration, whenever I want, with you paying all petrol/tax/insurance etc.' That won't have gone down well at all, I suspect. Then I would have asked them to reflect on what they were asking

Exactly. Well said.

No, nope and never. Repeat as required.