Friend asking to move in, WWYD?

[kwazycupcakes]

Morning everyone, has anyone else has been in a similar situation and could share their opinion please?.

DH and I are 30 and own our own home (mortgage). We have a spare bedroom. Some of our friends are in different places in their lives e.g. single or living with parents. That is fine with us, we never bring it up (although they do a few times).

We've had two different friends ask to temporarily move in with us.

Friend 1 - Lived with parents and was saving up for a deposit to rent a house, but was struggling due to all their bills (new car on finance, rent to parents etc). They knew we were decorating our spare bedroom and everytime they came over they kept asking if we'd finished decorating and hinting that if they moved in for two months they would save enough money for a deposit. Everytime they came over they would hint and asked directly a few times.

Friend 2 - Not great with money, new car on finance and latest tech gadgets etc. Has just moved into a family members caravan as it is rent free and they can sort their finances out. Caravan site closes for 6 weeks in January, so they have just asked if they can move in with us for 6 weeks.

Both of them expected to stop with us rent/bill free. And both of them expected us to say yes and that it wouldn't be a problem.

AIBU to say no? DH and I are not rich and have worked hard and saved to get to a point where we can own a house with a spare bedroom. We don't have new cars or latest tech, and we save money every month to work on the house. We are both introverts and appreciate our own space.

Also might be relevant that we are TTC so we hope the bedroom won't be 'spare' for long.

I’d us this info and tell them both about the other friend wanting to stay.

‘Ha ha, that’s funny-Dave has his eye on our spare room as well! You could top and tail together in the bed and we can charge you each 1000 a month! I might even give up work in the proceeds!!‘

Don’t take it seriously at all and certainly assume they mean to pay rent. If they both know the other one is keen, that gives you a get out (as you can’t have both).

It's really weird that they would assume it was rent free. My eldest lives in London and has a spare room. If my younger DD was to live with her for any amount of time (e.g. Uni, work placements) I would assume I'd pay rent to her for the inconvenience if nothing else!

Sorry not read everything but just say NO. Why would anyone expect to move into someone else’s house rent free anyway?

They're not friends, really, are they? They just want to use you.

It doesn’t matter what other people would do. If you say anything here other than a very clear no, you are potentially storing up loads of problems for yourself and your future relationship with your friends.

We agreed to this when we had our first owned home. Rent was promised and paid....twice. Never paid again and never mentioned by us because we were 25 and felt awkward. Can't imagine getting into a situation like that now and saying nothing.
There was a natural end point as they moved abroad, but I hated it. Never felt comfortable in my own home, they decorated our house for Christmas without telling us, hideous food hygiene.
Don't do it.

Better to keep them as friends. People who choose expensive cars over saving for a house have made their choice. If you did let them move in they would soon no longer be your friends. Be firm.

BIgBagofJelly Sat 04-Jan-20 10:21:19 I'd always help a friend who had fallen on hard times but not provide free accommodation and bills for people who haven't bothered to manage their money.

I agree with this. If they were escaping DV or something then yes I would help, but your 'friends' sound like CFs.

We have twice been asked to “host”. First time was a couple who were good friends of a relative. We’ve met them, but i don’t consider them friends. at that time we had one small spare room. They would have been paying, but having avoided student accommodation, there is no way I am having other adults living in my house, for me to have to clean around, cook arounD and give any consideration to. I like my own space (hence large house) and even get annoyed when DH’s shifts impact on my DH free evenings!

More recently, a friend was told he could no longer live at his parents house. He moved there when his relationship broke down, his parents are elderly, dependent and ornery! He asked if he could move into DH’s shed. Whilst not being ideal, we cleared the spare room for him. He’s a lovely guy, offered to help with the school run, lifts for kids to activities and asked for a list of odd jobs he could do to help out (DH is not a5 all practical). Unfortunately he was rushed into hospital for emergency surgery and i think his parents have alloweD him to stay. I am now looking forlornly at all the jobs I didn’t get finished! I am still expecting hm to come in the near future.

It’s a pretty unanimous YANBU

Just say you have discussed it as a couple previously and definitely do not want a tenant. You do not have to explain why, you just do not want a tenant, even a temporary one

If you make any other excuse cf’s will try to dodge around your reasoning

I have a good friend with a large house and who said yes against her better judgement and now is regularly asked to house people and their belongings.....don’t open that door, it’s very difficult to close

I don't see how either of them would be better off, unless they didn't pay you rent. And why wouldn't they pay you rent, why would they expect a free ride?

THIS ^

And I can promise you now that they'd be a bugger to get rid of if they had no bills at all to pay - why would they want to move out?

And they have both demonstrated that they can't manage their money - they prioritise the wrong things - do you really think they'd save up a deposit? Or do you think they'd save for a fortnight and then start buying "stuff"? Probably stuff to personalise the room you have let them infest . . . because they will have no intention of moving out.

I would not let them stay , as PP have said it will be hard to get rid of them especially the one that is living with their parents , the other one can be told to leave when the caravan site reopens but it will still be hard to get rid of them .

If you do decide to go ahead with it I would have a formal agreement drawn up perhaps even getting a solicitor involved.

This Gov page may help
www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home

Here are a load of examples of rental agreements ;

www.google.com/search?sxsrf=ACYBGNRhPyA48AEklifeJZV8Y5puB1y83w:1578134938724&q=how+to+write+a+rental+agreement+for+a+room&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj0qLjj4unmAhXah1wKHWBZDSoQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1350&bih=680#imgrc=xbQv76pyUuMTyM

If you do go ahead with allowing them to stay you need to have a very firm date wrote into the agreement as to when they are expected to leave .

DP and I live in London, and are the only house to have a spare bedroom. We've hosted many of our friends for 1-8 weeks when they're in need because of a break up, a house move or if they're new to the city.

That's different lemon - it's emergency situations - and I also assume they were paying their way - or maybe you and your DP can afford to subsidise a freeloader of a few months - OP can't. And nor do they want to.

Their home wouldn't be their own with anyone else there, and I'll bet the friendship wouldn't survive it either!

And I can promise you now that they'd be a bugger to get rid of if they had no bills at all to pay-why would they want to move out?

Exactly!

Plus, if you think they’re being cheeky now, imagine how cheeky they’ll be if they think their free meal ticket is coming to an end!

I would say no in a very serious way

I live in a squashy one bed, you know the sort with a galley kitchen attached to the lounge. I've had people ask to stay on the sofa in similar situations. I was working very long hours so they just said "oh you'll hardly see me" - probably true, but not the point.

If they have no idea what's happening next they could be with you for ages. Don't make excuses or laugh it off. Say no seriously.

I was honestly worried that one couple - who were unable to pay their rent after splashing out on all kinds of luxury stuff - were going to turn up one day and leave me feeling unable to say no. Some people are right CFs!

I once took in a friend for ‘a couple of weeks’ because his girlfriend had chucked him out and he had nowhere to go. To be fair he did offer to pay rent, but I felt it wasn’t worth it for a couple of weeks while he found somewhere. He was super grateful and offered to do all the housework to pay me back.

Two weeks turned into six. I would NOT have agreed to that amount of time rent-free. Doing all the housework turned into the washing up sitting in the sink for three days. He came in one day proudly announcing ‘I’ve bought some more bog roll’ as if he’d given me a kidney. He spent £200 on a tattoo the week before he left. My thank you present was a bottle of whisky that, coincidentally, he’d wanted to try for ages.

I will think twice in future, to say the least.

If you wouldn't mind a friend staying for a while I'd reply something like 'we weren't planning to get a lodger but could do with some extra cash so we've had a chat and you could live here for xxx time for xxx per month including bills. Let me know if you want to go ahead'.

No. Put yourself in their shoes - would you ask this of your friends?

If you have not already seen this film watch it before you make any decisions .

www.google.com/search?q=lady+in+the+van&oq=lady+in+the+&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0l7.6368j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Hahaha! Hard pass.

I like my own space (hence large house) and even get annoyed when DH’s shifts impact on my DH free evenings!

Thank God it's not just me!

I love DH to bits, but really, really like to be on my own a couple of evening a week. I don't do anything in particular - I just veg, but the solitude is wonderful. And if I'm expecting him tone out, and he stops in for some reason, it really pees me off. I know I'm unreasonable - it's his house as much as mine - but I value having time to myself.

*to be, not tone

Plus if they can both afford brand new cars on finance, they can afford rent. If they can't, they should have thought of that before buying their car. Their priorities suck.

I would probably say to them next time they asked 'do you know how we managed to buy this house? By having our priorities in the right order. Not buying a fancy car then expecting other people to house us.'

If they get offended, so what? They aren't exactly seeing you as a friend are they? Just a sucker they can con.

The answer is always a big fat no. Always.

@kwazycupcakes

Both of them expected to stop with us rent/bill free. And both of them expected us to say yes and that it wouldn't be a problem.

How did the actual conversations go and what did you say to them? It sounds like you’ve been asked several times-how clear are you being in your replies?