To think the school counsellor should be giving us information re dd15

[W1nt3rb3rr13s]

Dd has been self harming and has been seeing the school counsellor. We weren’t informed sessions had started. We know nothing about why she is doing it or what is being discussed at said sessions and thus how we can help her. She doesn’t talk to us at all.She spends every available time in her room on her lap top. Today it was until 2 when I came back and removed it. She then said the counsellor said she should have as much screen time as she wants as it distracts her. I disagree. I think she needs to get out of her room, off screens, to get some exercise and a hobby. As there is no dialogue I can’t discuss this with said counsellor or ask why she would advise her in such a way or even how we could help her. She’s 15 and still a child and it seems ridiculous. We’ve been to GP who has referred us to CAMHS. We got a crappy postcard through the post and that was it.

I gaurentee she'll be living in a shame-spiral too. You do it to cope, feel guilty af because it's unpleasant for your family and horrid for yourself, that feeds into the negative thoughts you already have, then you self harm again. Add on top whatever the triggers are and it's not surprising she's being very quiet in the matter. It's really hard to open up about for the one experiencing it.

She is self harming, it’s worse since the counselling started and they haven’t contacted me.

I don’t know if you read my post about this upthread. The counsellor is not there to advise about the self-harming. You need to speak to a mental health support service for that.

18:38 Rtmhwales

exercise and getting out isn't scientifically supported anymore for helping with depression

I haven't heard that before and I'd be very interested to learn more. Do you have any links where I could read about this?

What about the different links provided wasn't helpful OP? If the information on those websites wasn't right for you, if you can articulate what information you feel you're missing (bearing in mind the information will be, by necessity, genetic in nature) - someone may be able to point you in a different direction?

Generic not genetic....

Miixed opinion here OP. I understand this must be a really terrifying situation for you. I can see you feel really powerless and frustrated and I cannot imagine how difficult that must be with the one you love most.

Regarding the self-harming, I have some experience. I have PTSD and my psychologist actually wasn't opposed to me using cutting as s coping mechanism and it was better than my other ones (more harmful self-harm and alcohol). Cutting oneself with harm reduction (i.e clean, sharp razor, sterilizing wound) can be a step towardd developing coping mechanisms. It is also a very vulnerable and shameful thing to do so I wouldn't be expecting your DD to be okay with showing you.

Your DD's counsellor may well be advising her to develop self-soothing techniques. For instance a nice TV show in bed with a big glass of water would be a good way to recover from a bad panic attack. I think your DD may be kidding herself on about her counsellors advice to stay in her comfort zone.

Please don't assume you and her counsellor are on different sides here. I think it's important you chat to her guidance teacher at school to see if you can meet her counsellor or at least have a meeting wih them and DD. It is key that you get the counsellors perspective on how you can support DD.

We’ve heard nothing from mental health support since gp so no idea how/ where to contact.

Firstly big hugs, living with a teenager who self harms and hides away from the world is horrific. I would be wary of the school counsellor tbh, it sounds like you need proper professional help as a family. You need a safety plan and you need to understand advice such as spending time on the laptop as a distraction. You should ask for a joint session if your dd agrees where you can talk though how to support her. Hopefully Cahms will be better at communicating with you. Good luck with it all

What is your relationship like generally with the school? I am a pastoral manager and part of my job is to communicate with parents about any issues that students may have in school, and I am the person who makes the referral to the school counsellor.

Our counsellor has to respect confidentiality but is happy to meet parents and give general feedback. I suggest that you contact your child's pastoral manager and take it from there.

op so chase it up fgs! Call the number. You can't get that mad about it all but not have even tried contacting the counselor or camhs. You should also try looking into strategies online (like dbt or cbt) that you could use with dd. Yes it's shite she's self harming and it's hard she's not saying why but you sound determined for it to be someone's fault and determined not to actively chase the support you're complaining about not having.

If shes to be in the mental health system at any point you should get used to it because unless you ask and push for things you'll get nothing because these people don't have the resources to chase parents.

What do you want from this thread OP? Your responses on this thread come across as angry and rather aggressive when people are trying to be helpful. If you want unquestioning validation then AIBU is probably not the place to get it.

Personally, if it were my daughter, I would investigate seeing a private clinical psychologist privately. I appreciate that this may not be possible financially, but the wait for CAMHS is so long that I would be prioritising that if at all possible.

OP - ring CAMHS direct. Ask them to check if your DD's referral is in their system. If so, ask them how long it will be until she can be assessed. (Brace yourself for the answer). Then ask to speak to the duty worker because you are concerned and want advice about your dd's self-harm.

CAMHS services vary greatly from place to place, but the one near me has a duty worker available Mon - Fri who calls back anyone who rings for immediate advice each day.

Camhs details should be easy to find on Google or on the postcard you got.

You actually sound somewhat aggressive and defensive in your responses here OP. You've been offered some excellent advice and links which you've either ignored or dismissed. It must be incredibly difficult for you, but you are making things worse with your approach and attitude and you will only drive your daughter further away. Why don't you:

• seek advice from a young persons' charity about parenting / supporting a teenager who has self harmed
• borrow some library books and resources to support you
• look into counselling sessions for yourself, to help you to get through this situation and support your dd and learn some strategies for coping

Google CAMHS + place where you live to get a contact number.

Just to add, there will be a long waiting list for support from CAMHS but if your dd has had an initial assessment you have at least started the process.

Not got a name of the counsellor to chase or contact details for CAMHs. Still waiting for a letter. The postcard was addressed to dd in an envelope which she took. She laughed at how crap it was.

That's what I was thinking table

Duty are usually good for on-the-spot advice and can be very helpful. They are also more likely to hurry along any involvement with her so she's seen sooner if they know its getting worse or that you're all struggling.

Not had an assessment. Gp saw the marks and said she was referring her.

Have you googled your local authority + camhs?

could you try phoning the GP and asking how long the wait for an appointment with CAMHS typically is? It varies from area to area and might give you an idea of when you can expect to be contacted. i think PALS can also check the wait time in your area if you contact the local branch. all the best x

Some posts have been helpful, some judgemental and some rather nasty. Think I have a right to retaliate to the latter however I feel.

Most camhs also have a crisis team that you can call or ask to be referred to if DD is getting worse and the wait for an assessment is too long.

If you're worried about her only seeing support every fortnight can you afford for her to see private mental health support, especially if you think it's getting worse and not better?

As I posted upthread, a counsellor will not be giving advice or recommending strategies.

Where are you getting this information? School counsellors absolutely can and do give all sorts of advice and strategies around the management of self-harm. They don't tell young people or parents what to do, but they can certainly make suggestions. Helping young people reduce their self-harm by exploring alternative strategies for coping with difficult thoughts and feelings is a school counselors bread and butter, frankly- it's one of the most common reasons children are referred to them!