I haven't done it but how do I prove it and should I even sodding care anymore

[lorraineinthemleggings]

I have named changed for this .

DP and I have been together 2 years , I moved across the county to live with him in his house . We are due to move in a joint property in the next month or so , I have 50/50 access with my DCs he has 100% with his dc ,

Things haven't been great over the last few weeks , nothing major mostly niggles , stress and expense of Christmas I think and my irritation that it's all fallen to me as Im the woman and therefore enjoy all that stuff

I work full time in my original hometown so have a hefty commute and also work in a 24 hr industry so as a manager I am on-calls on-call if that makes sense .

Last night , just as we had arrived at a party , my phone goes , on-call needs me to make a decision , 30 second call , no big deal , all sorted . DP was off with me from that point on , I thought it was because I was working again when we were out , I get that , I'm sick of it too but that's my job and it's always been that way since I met him .

DP goes out drinking today again with the lads ,leaving me at home with his dc , mine are with their dad. He rolls in steaming drunk , first he started on what I had fed his kids all day and what a disgrace of a mother I was if I thought it was acceptable . I replied along the lines of at least I was at home not in the pub drinking , admittedly I was proper pissed off and got a bit shouty , then he said he should have known I was a shit parent because I gave my kids up 50/50 without fighting their dad for more (there was no need to fight him , we agreed it and it works well and has been going on for so long now , way before I met DP)

And finally that he has clicked what is going on now , I am having affair with the guy who was on call yesterday because I answered the phone "hi babe, what's up?"

1. I don't remember doing that but I could of , I do call people babe , love , chicken etc I am a disgrace to MN I know
2. he knows the guy and has met him several times , he also knows he is a serial shagger and I wouldn't touch him with his own .
3. I have never cheated on anyone in my life , it's not in my nature . 4)DP has confessed that he has cheated on both his wives and he knows that is a deal breaker for me , I hate that kind of behaviour .

He is now passed out in the spare room whilst his dc's are still ramping about the house and calling daddy but daddy is too drunk to see to them . I am in our bedroom with the door closed ignoring the lot of it , I will see to them in a minute , rod for my back eh !

Anyway , I think I have answered my own question just by writing this down but WIBU to tell him his childminder has clocked off and never to leave them with me again . And AIBU to think he could be guilty of cheating as attack is the first form of defence ?

Sorry it's long ...

I would be moving back to the hometown on my own tbh. Is the house you’re moving into with him bought or rented? Is it too late to pull out without incurring costs?

Your partner sounds horrid.
Look for a decent rental for yourself and leave. Life's too short for a shit relationship.

I think you've summarised quite well in your last paragraph :(

It's a rental , current house is attached to his employment so either way he and I or just him will need to move to that house regardless as he is no longer in post .

Moving back home is looking really attractive just now !

Sounds like you have discovered just in the nick of time - hopefully you are able to walk out and move back to your home town and not move in together.

Given the way he has treated you I would have no compunction in saying sod you, you just want a housekeeper and childminder and I’m not prepared to live with you and the high risk of your cheating.

You’ll never do things well enough for his standards - despite the fact that you do significantly better than he does himself (didn’t see him cooking for his dc - not like it is your job - doubly so if he is out on the piss).

Hopefully this means that you will soon see a much easier and happier 2020 for yourself and your dc.

Any signs of cheating other than accusing you?

Wow, this guy is awful.

You know what you need to do; you deserve better.

Jesus Christ walk away NOW

this will get worse and worse and you’ll be stuck.

Don't further entangle yourself with this paranoid wanker.

Move home. You can do and deserve much better.

Bloody hell !!
No no no
Enjoy your 50/50. I had this with my ex, very amicable - worked out great
Move back to home town
LTB - fast

I'd take your DC and go back to your hometown, leaving this jerk behind.

I mean, he has an odd attitude if he thinks 50/50 equates to not fighting for the DC. Surely it's in your DCs interests to have a good relationship with their dad? (Admittedly my DC don't see their dad, by choice, but that's another story.)

And accusing you of cheating? Yes, seems to be projection from a known cheater here.

Add everything together, and this isn't much of a relationship for you, is it?

I think saying you won’t look after his kids - when you all live together is quite strange . If you are their stepmom then surely you would be looking after them too ?

He's accusing you of cheating... you're questioning whether he has... his kids are left on their own... you're resentful about looking after his kids... he's passed out drunk... what's to like?

Oh OP... It's time to call time on this relationship. Move back to your home town and create a calm and peaceful place for you and your children.

He sounds horrid. Honestly save yourself years of misery and leave now.

He's shown his true colours, get out while you can. His poor kids.

Run!

Save yourself all the BS!

This is your future if you stay with him, taking care of his kids while he calls you a shit mum and accuses you of cheating while he’s probably the one doing the cheating.

You have the chance to swerve this all by moving home and leaving him.

I thought he was cheating as well long before I even got to the end of your OP.

Can you cool the relationship a bit and back away to see how you feel? I’d be really reluctant about continuing purely based on his behaviour and how he spoke to you when drunk, even without the infidelity concern.

That's my frustration.

I do so much but it's never quite enough and I can't seem to make him understand that he should be grateful for what I do do instead of being critical all the time as it's not what he would do , but without him ever actually doing it . They are his kids not mine but it's my fault that I didn't know about a non uniform day at the end of term , apparently I would have never done that to my own .. I feel like his misses the point in his own statements sometimes !

What an absolute arse. Id be telling him alot more than his child minder had clocked off. Id be moving right out and leaving him with his DC 24/7. Just remember he will never change and no matter how sorry he may be tomorrow this will always be how he truelly thinks. Leave tomorrow and dont look back

Sounds like he is cheating and projecting on you. I’d walk away now....

I think he's laid his cards on the table. Take them at full face value.

Hope this year gets better.

Leave, don’t sign for the new house. He’s accusing you because he’s done it at least twice. Is he at it again? How could you ever trust a serial cheat? I just don’t get it.

Cheating or not, I think he's awful.