I haven't done it but how do I prove it and should I even sodding care anymore

[lorraineinthemleggings]

I have named changed for this .

DP and I have been together 2 years , I moved across the county to live with him in his house . We are due to move in a joint property in the next month or so , I have 50/50 access with my DCs he has 100% with his dc ,

Things haven't been great over the last few weeks , nothing major mostly niggles , stress and expense of Christmas I think and my irritation that it's all fallen to me as Im the woman and therefore enjoy all that stuff

I work full time in my original hometown so have a hefty commute and also work in a 24 hr industry so as a manager I am on-calls on-call if that makes sense .

Last night , just as we had arrived at a party , my phone goes , on-call needs me to make a decision , 30 second call , no big deal , all sorted . DP was off with me from that point on , I thought it was because I was working again when we were out , I get that , I'm sick of it too but that's my job and it's always been that way since I met him .

DP goes out drinking today again with the lads ,leaving me at home with his dc , mine are with their dad. He rolls in steaming drunk , first he started on what I had fed his kids all day and what a disgrace of a mother I was if I thought it was acceptable . I replied along the lines of at least I was at home not in the pub drinking , admittedly I was proper pissed off and got a bit shouty , then he said he should have known I was a shit parent because I gave my kids up 50/50 without fighting their dad for more (there was no need to fight him , we agreed it and it works well and has been going on for so long now , way before I met DP)

And finally that he has clicked what is going on now , I am having affair with the guy who was on call yesterday because I answered the phone "hi babe, what's up?"

1. I don't remember doing that but I could of , I do call people babe , love , chicken etc I am a disgrace to MN I know
2. he knows the guy and has met him several times , he also knows he is a serial shagger and I wouldn't touch him with his own .
3. I have never cheated on anyone in my life , it's not in my nature . 4)DP has confessed that he has cheated on both his wives and he knows that is a deal breaker for me , I hate that kind of behaviour .

He is now passed out in the spare room whilst his dc's are still ramping about the house and calling daddy but daddy is too drunk to see to them . I am in our bedroom with the door closed ignoring the lot of it , I will see to them in a minute , rod for my back eh !

Anyway , I think I have answered my own question just by writing this down but WIBU to tell him his childminder has clocked off and never to leave them with me again . And AIBU to think he could be guilty of cheating as attack is the first form of defence ?

Sorry it's long ...

Can't work out why you'd even think of continuing in this relationship. It won't get any better.

So he's cheated he's put you down shown jealousy and thinks you should be a stepford wife? Next he'll try to stop you working might cheat on you and knock your self esteem. Doesn't sound much of a catch OP tbh. Plenty of red flags flying really.

For godsake leave this utter scumbag twunt. Or stay and accept this will be your future.

He doesn’t like you or respect you. Don’t subject you or your children to that.

Surely he's not daft enough to believe that of you were having an affair, you'd answer the phone to your fancy man 'hiya babe' at a party within earshot of him and all the other guests??? Surely??

Get yourself home, new year new start w

He rolls in steaming drunk , first he started on what I had fed his kids all day and what a disgrace of a mother I was if I thought it was acceptable

Dear god!! What are you doing??

Tell him to feed his own children.

Move back home and don't look back.

Please don't move into the new house with him.

I feel sorry for his children but don't make that your problem. He's awful.

I'd be moving home - he won't make you happy long term.

I have never ever advised anyone here to LTB because it seems a bit glib but LTB OP. He's a bullying twat.

What the fuck are you doing this for?

Run for the hills he sounds a right pita.
Ughh.

My first ever LTB. Seriously what a dick, and he is cheating. Run for the hills, let him hire a nanny and housekeeper.

Go back home.

He is resentful that a woman isn't rearing his children for him - that's what women are for. He thinks you should be that woman but he also would like to get a kick in at you and abuse you for it. He hates that you and your ex are sharing it and so you get a break sometimes. Not nice. and not nice for your children.

And as for the "affair". My mother always said don't marry a jealous man - it may seen flattering but it is abusive.

So he has a built in baby sitter to go get pissed or whatever he wants, he has a cook,cleaner,organiser, he has extra money coming in and I assume at least some sex.

What do you have? Think about that....

And then move back home, where you can have lazy days, feed kids crap, go out when you're child free, answer the phone however you want.

LTB you deserve better

He cheated on his first two wives and you are lining up to be number three? And his child Minder and verbal punchbag thrown in!

And you have a long commute for this stress and abuse, wow just wow.

RUN FOR THE HILLS.

Don’t even consider moving house with him, go back home and look after yourself.

Just go! He's sounds like a complete arse.

What did he do before you move din i dread to think-sounds like he wants a maid op not a wife

Fuck me, I would be gone. No question. And I rarely say LTB but he's so clearly an arse.

Well he’s shown his true colours hasn’t he.
I’d be leaving without a backward glance.
He sounds fucking awful.

Get rid. He is a piece of shit and you will be happier by yourself.

He doesn’t make you happy, that is enough reason to unburden yourself.

But it's very little to do with your actual parenting skills.

It's all to do with the fact that he treats you like shit, expects you to do his dirty work (aka parenting), and is a cheater to boot.

Why on earth would you want to stay with him?

Oh God, this sounds so much like my father - was a raging alcoholic and used to accuse my mother of everything under the sun. He won't change. Took my mother years of this to work up the courage to get out because over the years he got more abusive. Get out while you can. You sound like you know what you need to do. Best of luck!

These are the red flags I ignored. I wish I hadn't. I ended up with 1.5 yrs of being constantly criticised, used as free childcare and put down. I'm only going on the small snippet you've shared but I'd say these are big red flags xx

I'd pour a glass of cold water over him and tell him to parent his own children

This, I’d do that and leave him and his feral brats to it. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Oh op your story sounds similar to mine with exh hed never had a faithful relationship but it was different with me. Nothing I could do would ever be good enough.
Accusing me of cheating because he was.
Best thing I did was throw him out because I'm now with my current dp.
Ltb and dont look back.