Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I haven't done it but how do I prove it and should I even sodding care anymore

319 replies

lorraineinthemleggings · 01/01/2020 22:03

I have named changed for this .

DP and I have been together 2 years , I moved across the county to live with him in his house . We are due to move in a joint property in the next month or so , I have 50/50 access with my DCs he has 100% with his dc ,

Things haven't been great over the last few weeks , nothing major mostly niggles , stress and expense of Christmas I think and my irritation that it's all fallen to me as Im the woman and therefore enjoy all that stuffConfused

I work full time in my original hometown so have a hefty commute and also work in a 24 hr industry so as a manager I am on-calls on-call if that makes sense .

Last night , just as we had arrived at a party , my phone goes , on-call needs me to make a decision , 30 second call , no big deal , all sorted . DP was off with me from that point on , I thought it was because I was working again when we were out , I get that , I'm sick of it too but that's my job and it's always been that way since I met him .

DP goes out drinking today again with the lads ,leaving me at home with his dc , mine are with their dad. He rolls in steaming drunk , first he started on what I had fed his kids all day and what a disgrace of a mother I was if I thought it was acceptable . I replied along the lines of at least I was at home not in the pub drinking , admittedly I was proper pissed off and got a bit shouty , then he said he should have known I was a shit parent because I gave my kids up 50/50 without fighting their dad for more (there was no need to fight him , we agreed it and it works well and has been going on for so long now , way before I met DP)

And finally that he has clicked what is going on now , I am having affair with the guy who was on call yesterday because I answered the phone "hi babe, what's up?"

  1. I don't remember doing that but I could of , I do call people babe , love , chicken etc I am a disgrace to MN I know Grin
  2. he knows the guy and has met him several times , he also knows he is a serial shagger and I wouldn't touch him with his own .
  3. I have never cheated on anyone in my life , it's not in my nature . 4)DP has confessed that he has cheated on both his wives and he knows that is a deal breaker for me , I hate that kind of behaviour .

He is now passed out in the spare room whilst his dc's are still ramping about the house and calling daddy but daddy is too drunk to see to them . I am in our bedroom with the door closed ignoring the lot of it , I will see to them in a minute , rod for my back eh !

Anyway , I think I have answered my own question just by writing this down but WIBU to tell him his childminder has clocked off and never to leave them with me again . And AIBU to think he could be guilty of cheating as attack is the first form of defence ?

Sorry it's long ...

OP posts:
lorraineinthemleggings · 01/01/2020 22:25

@Fidgety31
I do look after them , everyday , with as much love and care as I would if they were my own .

With the exception of the last 2 hours .. I have reached my limits .

That said I've just tucked them up in bed and made sure they have done their wee's and teeth .all whilst DP is snoring his head off.

But I will still be the shit one somehow in DP eyes !

OP posts:
TheLittleBrownFox · 01/01/2020 22:25

I'd pour a glass of cold water over him and tell him to parent his own children.

Bluerussian · 01/01/2020 22:25

Lorraineintheleggings
"Moving back home is looking really attractive just now !*

Good to read! Don't just think about it, do it. Your partner is no partner, he's an ass.

NewAndImprovedNorks · 01/01/2020 22:28

You KNOW the answer, this is NOT a good life

VivaLeBeaver · 01/01/2020 22:29

Wow . Sounds like he expects you to be 100% responsible for his kids. Fuck that. You’re not the au pair. Ltb.

converseandjeans · 01/01/2020 22:29

You need to move back to your hometown. He sounds awful.

MadeForThis · 01/01/2020 22:30

Move out. Let him look after his own kids.

MotherofTerriers · 01/01/2020 22:32

Please run. Whatever you do will never be good enough even though it is a million times better than what he does. The longer you stay the harder it will be to leave. Go back to your hometown and a short commute.

olivertwistwantsmore · 01/01/2020 22:32

What a selfish bellend. Move out. Let h8m parent his own dc, the ungrateful twat.

hagenmeister · 01/01/2020 22:33

In a year's time when you're looking back at the last year let it be a happy one. Dump him

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 01/01/2020 22:33

This isn't making you happy is it? Time to go home then.

MustShowDH · 01/01/2020 22:34

Fuck that - he doesn't deserve you!

Thinkingabout1t · 01/01/2020 22:35

Lorraine, he sounds like an irresponsible bully. And you sound like someone who deserves a better partner.

Wheresthebeach · 01/01/2020 22:35

What a peach...not.

He’s cheated twice by his admission, frankly he’s letting you know he’s a cheat and he’ll do it again. Drunk and nasty.

Leave

Linetogilly · 01/01/2020 22:36

How old are his kids? He sounds pathetic

baubled · 01/01/2020 22:37

It won't get better!

1Morewineplease · 01/01/2020 22:37

I think you’ve already worked out what you need to do.
Good luck OP.

NumbersStation · 01/01/2020 22:38

You answered your own post.

Hometown it should be.

And cheating because you’ve called someone babe? lovely doll my dear sweet chicken duck flower

I’m forever using names like that. Done it all my days and I’m far too long in the teeth to manage to stop. It doesn’t mean we are intimate.

They call me mam. I’m childless, ugly and old. Grin

BumbleBeee69 · 01/01/2020 22:38

I agree with everyone on here OP.. you have a great 50/50 relationship with your Ex regards your kids... you have a responsible job.. you really don't need this crap in your life... He's shown you who he is my lovely.. believe him.. go home Flowers

avinitall · 01/01/2020 22:40

What Bumblebee just said....
Leave him, it's not going to work as he won't change.

Beautiful3 · 01/01/2020 22:40

If you stay, then this is his your life will always be. Move back to your home town. You can do alot better.

mbosnz · 01/01/2020 22:41

Fuck that, I'd be gone. Tomorrow, if at all possible.

He's got nothing to offer. And offers nothing.

Doyouavocado · 01/01/2020 22:41

Wow, what a horrible man

Bluetrews25 · 01/01/2020 22:41

Time and again you can see on here threads where men are accusing innocent women of cheating, but then it turns out he was cheating all along. You suspect this already, and he has form.
You know what to do, sorry.

Weenurse · 01/01/2020 22:41

He expected you to sort Christmas and now you are the unpaid child minder.
Back off a bit.
Ask him if he thinks his behaviour is acceptable?
Explain they are his DC not yours, and he is responsible for them.i think moving into separate houses would be a good start. Then think about whether you want to continue the relationship.
Good luck 💐

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.