I haven't done it but how do I prove it and should I even sodding care anymore

[lorraineinthemleggings]

I have named changed for this .

DP and I have been together 2 years , I moved across the county to live with him in his house . We are due to move in a joint property in the next month or so , I have 50/50 access with my DCs he has 100% with his dc ,

Things haven't been great over the last few weeks , nothing major mostly niggles , stress and expense of Christmas I think and my irritation that it's all fallen to me as Im the woman and therefore enjoy all that stuff

I work full time in my original hometown so have a hefty commute and also work in a 24 hr industry so as a manager I am on-calls on-call if that makes sense .

Last night , just as we had arrived at a party , my phone goes , on-call needs me to make a decision , 30 second call , no big deal , all sorted . DP was off with me from that point on , I thought it was because I was working again when we were out , I get that , I'm sick of it too but that's my job and it's always been that way since I met him .

DP goes out drinking today again with the lads ,leaving me at home with his dc , mine are with their dad. He rolls in steaming drunk , first he started on what I had fed his kids all day and what a disgrace of a mother I was if I thought it was acceptable . I replied along the lines of at least I was at home not in the pub drinking , admittedly I was proper pissed off and got a bit shouty , then he said he should have known I was a shit parent because I gave my kids up 50/50 without fighting their dad for more (there was no need to fight him , we agreed it and it works well and has been going on for so long now , way before I met DP)

And finally that he has clicked what is going on now , I am having affair with the guy who was on call yesterday because I answered the phone "hi babe, what's up?"

1. I don't remember doing that but I could of , I do call people babe , love , chicken etc I am a disgrace to MN I know
2. he knows the guy and has met him several times , he also knows he is a serial shagger and I wouldn't touch him with his own .
3. I have never cheated on anyone in my life , it's not in my nature . 4)DP has confessed that he has cheated on both his wives and he knows that is a deal breaker for me , I hate that kind of behaviour .

He is now passed out in the spare room whilst his dc's are still ramping about the house and calling daddy but daddy is too drunk to see to them . I am in our bedroom with the door closed ignoring the lot of it , I will see to them in a minute , rod for my back eh !

Anyway , I think I have answered my own question just by writing this down but WIBU to tell him his childminder has clocked off and never to leave them with me again . And AIBU to think he could be guilty of cheating as attack is the first form of defence ?

Sorry it's long ...

At the very least move out

TBH, OP, I would be out of the door just for the 'shit mum' comment. I have never been in a relationship where my partner insults me to my face, drunk or no. (I've had one shout at me and left him pretty soon after). Don't put up with it, you deserve so much better. Walk away now, don't throw good time after bad.

I thought cheating before you asked. But even if he’s not, please don’t hope he’s going to change and be grateful for everything you do, and treat you with respect. Telling you that you’re a terrible mother for having kids who are successfully coparented between two households where he can’t share parenting of his kids with you under one roof without accusations? Nope. No. Definitely not.

Why would you stay with him? Seriously?

There is more to life than this!

I assumed this post was about the fact his a shitty dad and you were sick of him using you as an free on tap childcare.
Dont even bother trying to convince him.
Just leave him.

He sees you as a nanny and house keeper that he fucks.
Please, run. He’s an arsehole

He has opinions on the way you parent his DC. This makes me think that he sees it as your job. I wouldn’t be keen on the idea that that’s really what he wanted me around for. Free nannying.

I’d get out now, although I’d feel bad for the DC. Probably better to go now than in a year, or three years, though.

Definitely move back. This will get worse, men like him ramp up the accusations and threats until you feel that it’s your doing.

This is emotional abuse. Walk away now before he feels that he really has his hooks into you.

In 23 years of marriage DH has
a) never come home steaming drunk and verbally abused me.
b) never called me a shit mother
c) never accused me of cheating on him
d) never left me with unrelated children and expected me to care for them while he went out socializing.

Is their mum around? Sorry id I missed a post explaining. If she is I doubt she would be happy them going to their dad's and him spending his time getting drunk!

Get your arse back to your hometown ASAP OP. Tell your utterly useless git of a partner to do one and parent his children himself.

Do you really need telling the bloody obvious?

Leave the wally now, your accepting some other womans throw out why should you have to put up with him?, he doesent care for you, go and go now!..

Why did you move your children in with this knob?

He cheated on both of his wives and is now making the judgement that you operate by the same shitty standards of fidelity that he does. Then he calls you a shit parent to try to hurt you as much as he possibly can. His behaviour is disgusting. I wouldn’t even want to have a relationship with him.

Not sure if he is guilty of cheating but he is guilty of being a hypocrite, nasty and moody for no reason

Look, leave him based on how he expected you to deal with christmas because he is a misogynist. Thats enough.

Most certainly leave him becAuse he refuses to do any of the thinking / mental load of parenting his children.

Most definitely leave him because he treats you like his staff.

Your children wont enjoy living with him 50% of the time and theyll start to come to you less and
Less. Do you want to lose contact with your children
Over a man who doesnt actually like you very mich?

He accuses you of lying

He leaves you to go out drinking to the extent he’s now passed out.

He leaves all childcare to you and then tells you it’s not up to standard.

You are already adjusting because ‘nothing is ever good enough’

He’s told you - repeatedly - that he thinks you’re a bad mother.

You’ve moved. He has not had to adjust his life.

He’s a gaslighting, abusive, serial cheater. And drunk to boot.

I spent 10 years of my life with such a man and it destroyed my ability to have relationships.

I advise you to leave.

Lots of people use the word ‘babe’, as your DP well knows. I can’t believe he questioned your commitment as a parent when he stayed out drunk relying on you to do childcare. Not sure if he is cheating based on your post but even if he hasn’t, it sounds as if a move back home would make your life a lot better.

Go back home. The last thing you need is the added stress of caring for the children of a belligerent drunk who puts you down.

He doesn't want a partner, he wants a nanny, a skivvy, and a non-complaining piece of ass. You are worth so so so much more than that! If I were you I'd skedaddle back to my hometown without another word. No explanations, no break up discussion. I'd make my arrangements quietly and disappear into the night (or day). He deserves no explanation from you.

And I'd do it before this move. The day I left I'd contact the landlord and tell him that I will NOT be moving in and that he needs to renegotiate a new lease with your DP.

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

@BloggersBlog

Mum is not in the picture at all .

DP once said he wasn't supposed be doing this and this wasn't the plan when they had the kids .

I honestly think deep down he doesn't see the kids as his responsibility and he the is resentful one that his life has gone this way .

I'm not a shrinking violet by any means and I have made it clear that parenting is a priority and not a choice .

I'm no different to any child in my care whether they are mine or someone else's , I enjoy being a mum , but I do expect him to contribute as well , or at least not criticise when I'm doing my best .

He's attempted 2 marriages where he cheated and he's clearly a shit partner OP. I'd let his kids' mom know the current situation tonight, cancel the cheque on the rental and go back home. He's always going to act up and get drunk when he feels like this. This is a small look into your future with him.

I wouldn't be putting up with that!

Another peach of a man. I also get the feeling you won't leave him either