I haven't done it but how do I prove it and should I even sodding care anymore

[lorraineinthemleggings]

I have named changed for this .

DP and I have been together 2 years , I moved across the county to live with him in his house . We are due to move in a joint property in the next month or so , I have 50/50 access with my DCs he has 100% with his dc ,

Things haven't been great over the last few weeks , nothing major mostly niggles , stress and expense of Christmas I think and my irritation that it's all fallen to me as Im the woman and therefore enjoy all that stuff

I work full time in my original hometown so have a hefty commute and also work in a 24 hr industry so as a manager I am on-calls on-call if that makes sense .

Last night , just as we had arrived at a party , my phone goes , on-call needs me to make a decision , 30 second call , no big deal , all sorted . DP was off with me from that point on , I thought it was because I was working again when we were out , I get that , I'm sick of it too but that's my job and it's always been that way since I met him .

DP goes out drinking today again with the lads ,leaving me at home with his dc , mine are with their dad. He rolls in steaming drunk , first he started on what I had fed his kids all day and what a disgrace of a mother I was if I thought it was acceptable . I replied along the lines of at least I was at home not in the pub drinking , admittedly I was proper pissed off and got a bit shouty , then he said he should have known I was a shit parent because I gave my kids up 50/50 without fighting their dad for more (there was no need to fight him , we agreed it and it works well and has been going on for so long now , way before I met DP)

And finally that he has clicked what is going on now , I am having affair with the guy who was on call yesterday because I answered the phone "hi babe, what's up?"

1. I don't remember doing that but I could of , I do call people babe , love , chicken etc I am a disgrace to MN I know
2. he knows the guy and has met him several times , he also knows he is a serial shagger and I wouldn't touch him with his own .
3. I have never cheated on anyone in my life , it's not in my nature . 4)DP has confessed that he has cheated on both his wives and he knows that is a deal breaker for me , I hate that kind of behaviour .

He is now passed out in the spare room whilst his dc's are still ramping about the house and calling daddy but daddy is too drunk to see to them . I am in our bedroom with the door closed ignoring the lot of it , I will see to them in a minute , rod for my back eh !

Anyway , I think I have answered my own question just by writing this down but WIBU to tell him his childminder has clocked off and never to leave them with me again . And AIBU to think he could be guilty of cheating as attack is the first form of defence ?

Sorry it's long ...

Mmm I'd be laying more of his parenting at his door and watching carefully, with a view to leaving if he doesn't step up and also appreciate what you do.

I had a long distance relationship once and then moved a long way away so that we could live together. Then there were red flags all over the place but for some reason I stayed for years ......(shudders at the memories)
In a way I'm glad your DP has shown his true colours, leave him OP, you and your DC deserve so much better

Sounds like he wants a live-in childminder to his children - plus he has been very abusive to you tonight. Accusing you of cheating, criticising your parenting - all of it a very bad sign.

I would get out now if I were you.

Have you spoken to him about this when he’s sober ? He needs telling it’s not acceptable - I’d be leaving him tbh. It won’t get any better, you have your place and it’s below him !

You need to leave him. He has no respect for you. You have a good job and your on call. You say hello babe ect to your caller from work one night and your suddenly having an affair.
He is calling you a bad mother but meanwhile it handy to have you their to mind his kid's when he goes out to get drunk.
He has 2 ex wives and cheated on both of them. Now he has you to cook, clean, mind his kid's, for sex and he can give you plenty of verbal abuse.

He has showen his true colours and it good that you have seen them before you move.
I would tell him it over, pack your bags and move back to your home town nearer work. Let him deal with the mess he made of his life with the two ex wives, the kids ect.
You deserve to be with a decent man who cares for you.

he has shown you what he is, so listen!

move back to your hometown, do not move in with him

@maddening

Lower Primary school age .

He isn't neglectful as such , he will fed and keep them safe if he on his own , it might be because he stick them on a iPad for hours but nothing that's overly concerning in terms of neglect . I am not defending him but that is such a strong word .

He can manage when he has too , my problem is that he thinks he doesn't have to because I'm here and I should want to do it because I have ovaries and that's what women are for !

Today events are because he is drunk and I'm not doing it out of stubbornness/ fedupness because of what he has said about me being a rubbish mum/woman .

Everything about this twat and his kids. What about yours? They are being exposed to an abusive drunk. Is being single so bad an abusive arsehole who treats you like shit is better? You're on and on about how you do it all for him, Christmas 'fell to you', he called you shit mum and you're still thinking about how your head will be clearer because he's not there tomorrow?

Get your kids the hell away from this bloke! Before your ex finds out the measure of this guy and goes for full custody.

You need to get away and stop dating for a long long time.

NO, your problem is that you live with an abusive cunt and your kids have to put up with him for 50% of their time. He's a cheating, sexist, abusive pig.

It's obvious why he doesn't respect you, you don't respect yourself or your children.

Why are you and your family less important than this failure of a father and partner OP?

How sad that your children can't count on you to protect them from living with such an inadequate role model who only finds fault as their mother exhausts herself trying to please the waste of space.

Spot on, madroid.

You're still there because of his children really, aren't you? Would you put up with him and stay any longer otherwise?

Why are you still there? Start packing!

Go out early tomorrow before he leaves for work so he can’t just dump them on you and then complain about how you look after them. Take some time to think about what a good life for you would be like - I suspect it won’t include being taken for granted by a lazy two timer. Plan how to get closer to what you want - or at least how to get into a position where you’re more likely to get what you want. Make a plan that does not require other people to change or act in a way that is not typical for them, because that is unlikely to happen.

And when you get back, put the plan into action.

Lose him. You really don't need to lug this useless piece of drunken trash lazy-arsed bastard into the new year with you.

Go back home. Continue in your amicable coparenting with your childrens' dad and eventually you will meet the man you deserve.

If your partner treats you like a hired servant who fails to meet minimum standards he clearly does not view you as a partner.
The saddest part is that he doesn't even treat you like a friend.

You dont try to prove anything.

He doesnt love you, he doesnt respect you, he is just happy to have someone who will do the parenting he cant be arsed to do and then yell at them for it.

Take your kids, who frankly deserve better than this piece of shit as a "father" figure, and go home. If you wont do it for yourself, do it for them.

And get yourself some therapy to figure out why you keep making shit choices in partners, I say this as someone who is deliberately staying away from men because I do the same thing. Dumping the most recent user was very very hard, but a turning point for me as I married the previous two and stuck it out until the bitter end in some misguided hope that they would end up as the husbands they promised to be. This time I saw what I was doing, and after some very harsh words from a good friend, I finished it. Do the same, please.

I'd be using his nap time to get packing and phone a friend/family member to stay with.

This 'Prince' can fuck off

Leave this arsehole - he’s just going to drag you down

Leave. He's shown you his true colours. Believe him. I agree with others, leave early in the morning so he can't palm his kids off and start looking for a new place to live in your hometown.

His attitude stinks. He has no respect for you and you deserve better than that.

There are enough red flags here for the United Nations building.

Leave and save yourself a lot of heartbreak.

Agree that I would be packing now and be long gone by the morning - is there anyone/where you can stay while you look for something more permanent?

Dude. Time to nope your way out of there.

So what do you get out of this situation? LEAVE whilst it is still straight forward and don't look back.

I'm surprised you're prepared to stay. Drunk or not who tf turns around to their partner and says that shit? And he's showing early signs of abuse. You're already striving for perfection and praise and only getting criticism. You'll never be good enough for him because that's not the real issue. And if he's that paranoid you're cheating he's probably cheating/it's what he would do. Just run as far away as possible. It won't end well whatever you do if you stay.