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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not being 'controlling' and that he shouldn't have gone and got pissed last night?

230 replies

GreenyHedges · 01/01/2020 16:53

Background is 'D'H and I have 2 kids, DS who is 6 and DD who is 4. DH still likes to go out with his mates and wanted to go out NYE. I have a job where I have to work New Year's Day, so I said ok but can you please watch how much you're drinking, I'm not saying you can't drink but you need to be able to look after the kids while I'm at work. He said fine and got in the taxi.

Well next thing I know it's 3:30 am and I'm awoken by the sound of him vomitingEnvy (not envy!) and staggering all over the place knocking into everything.
I told him I wasn't pleased and I'd asked him not to do this. And that he would still be looking after the kids regardless so to expect to be woken up at 7:00 by DD.

I left for work just before 6 as I was on a morning shift, he'd left the place in a tip, hadn't cleaned the bathroom from when he was throwing up. When I got home around 2, he was upstairs lying on the bed, obviously hungover, and the kids were downstairs watching TV. When I asked them what they'd done they said they'd been watching TV all day and that DH had given them crisps for breakfastConfused and cereal for lunch.

When I tried to talk to DH he said I was being controlling and he's allowed to go out and have a good time if he wants.

OP posts:
Calvinlookingforhobbes · 01/01/2020 16:55

Is he always a selfish manchild?

Inliverpool1 · 01/01/2020 16:56

Is this once a year or once a month ?

Lllot5 · 01/01/2020 16:56

Well I wish I could say I’m surprised but I’m not.
The very fact you had to tell him to not get too drunk so he could look after he’s own kids tells me it’s not a one off.
As to advice I wish I’d left my piss head husband years before I did, but that can only be your choice.

Weebitawks · 01/01/2020 16:57

Well it isn't ideal but if it's not a massively common occurrence, everyone survive unscathed so I'd be annoyed but let it go. However if it was every weekend if be having a think.

Purpleartichoke · 01/01/2020 16:58

It’s fine to go out and have fun. It is not fine to not be ready to be a parent after the fun is over.

Dawninglory · 01/01/2020 16:59

Wow what a selfish git, I really really would be majorly pissed.

PlanDeRaccordement · 01/01/2020 17:00

If it were a weekly thing, YANBU
If it’s an annual NYE thing, YABU. A tv day with cereal to eat does not harm to kids. They were safe, fed and entertained.

Anothernick · 01/01/2020 17:00

He's allowed to go out and have a good time but he also has to look after the kids like he promised. And as for throwing up all over the bathroom and not cleaning up, that is gross and you are quite right to be angry. You are not being controlling, you are being reasonable and his behaviour is not acceptable.

Greysparkles · 01/01/2020 17:00

Christ I've been the very hungover parent numerous times. No one came to harm. Its not as though he told you no to go to work, or to come back early? So you probably didn't need to act like his mother telling him not to drink. He's an adult. The kids wont be scarred for life after having crisps for breakfast and watching TV.
Unclench

WorldsOnFire · 01/01/2020 17:01

Urgh! Absolute irresponsible man child! DH would never do that!

Greysparkles · 01/01/2020 17:01

Also it reads to me that at 6am when you left the bathroom wasn't cleaned. Was it clean when you got back?

MegaClutterSlut · 01/01/2020 17:03

To me it doesn't matter if its a one off or not. If he knew he had to be up early and look after the dc whilst you went to work, he is massively being unreasonable imo. I would be pissed off too but maybe now his learnt his lesson that being hungover and looking after dcs is not fun Grin

Cohle · 01/01/2020 17:06

He's a dick. It's not being controlling to expect him to be able to look after his own children to a decent standard. Are these the memories he wants his kids to have of their childhood?

EKGEMS · 01/01/2020 17:09

Sounds like you have an alcohol problem greysparkles and you don't know the definition of responsible parenting

FruitcakeOfHate · 01/01/2020 17:12

I lost patience with 'lads' who 'liked a drink' long before I came to marry DH. Would really not be pleased with a waster who vom'd all over and left it for me to clean up and left a 4-year-old unsupervised whilst he was passed out upstairs.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 17:12

It's fine for him to have got pissed. It's fine for him to have a bad head the next morning.
It's not fine for him to not look after his children and not give them proper meals. What a prick.

PlanDeRaccordement · 01/01/2020 17:13

I agree with greysparkles. The odd hangover is no different from being sick from bad Chinese or a pounding headache. Kids can cope with a day watching cartoons and eating junk now and then. So long as it is not a frequent/regular occurrence.
You guys are being very pious and smug.

LunchBoxPolice · 01/01/2020 17:14

No one should be in that state and in charge of young children.

SarahTancredi · 01/01/2020 17:16

Urgh. Fine if he didnt have work or responsibilities but selfish and immature and inconsiderate if theres a partner who needs to work and kids involved. At that point you need to work out how to drink responsibly so you can still enjoy yourself and have a drink but dont end up in such a state you have to feed your kids crisps for breakfast...

It's only new years. Hes had what? 25 of them? Hmm

Lllot5 · 01/01/2020 17:18

@PlanDeRaccordement
Well I don’t know if I agree with that. Guts ache from bad food isn’t self inflicted.
Even a banging headache you could take pills and sit on the sofa downstairs, again not self inflicted.
Maybe I’m biased but my ex was a piss head and it’s fucking draining to always having to be the responsible one.

MiniEggAddiction · 01/01/2020 17:19

YANBU that's shitty parenting. A hangover isn't the same as having a genuine illness (as you'd find out if you rang up your boss and explained you can't come in because you're hungover - you might get a different reaction to the one you'd get if you explain you have food poisoning).

MyMajesty · 01/01/2020 17:21

everyone survive unscathed so I'd be annoyed but let it go

He basically left a 6yr old and 4yr old completely unsupervised.
You think that's okay?

ButtonandPickle19 · 01/01/2020 17:22

Let the man have fun. One day won’t have hurt the kids and. I bet h regretted it anyway

BottleOfJameson · 01/01/2020 17:22

@PlanDeRaccordement

Of course a hangover isn't the same as food poisoning from a Chinese. A hangover is the natural consequence of drinking too much, it's entirely predictable and of your own doing. Food poisoning from a Chinese is because of poor food hygiene at the restaurant - not your fault and not predictable.

BottleOfJameson · 01/01/2020 17:23

everyone survive unscathed so I'd be annoyed but let it go

I'm sure they'd have survived if he's gone to the pub and left them alone but it still wouldn't be OK.