To think I'm not being 'controlling' and that he shouldn't have gone and got pissed last night?

[GreenyHedges]

Background is 'D'H and I have 2 kids, DS who is 6 and DD who is 4. DH still likes to go out with his mates and wanted to go out NYE. I have a job where I have to work New Year's Day, so I said ok but can you please watch how much you're drinking, I'm not saying you can't drink but you need to be able to look after the kids while I'm at work. He said fine and got in the taxi.

Well next thing I know it's 3:30 am and I'm awoken by the sound of him vomiting (not envy!) and staggering all over the place knocking into everything.
I told him I wasn't pleased and I'd asked him not to do this. And that he would still be looking after the kids regardless so to expect to be woken up at 7:00 by DD.

I left for work just before 6 as I was on a morning shift, he'd left the place in a tip, hadn't cleaned the bathroom from when he was throwing up. When I got home around 2, he was upstairs lying on the bed, obviously hungover, and the kids were downstairs watching TV. When I asked them what they'd done they said they'd been watching TV all day and that DH had given them crisps for breakfast and cereal for lunch.

When I tried to talk to DH he said I was being controlling and he's allowed to go out and have a good time if he wants.

I cannot defend what he did.

I hope OP is now ok and making plans, that's all I suggested.

I would personally put my dc ahead of work. Anything could have happened. DC have anxiety being left alone, even if theybare not consciously aware of it, its not a natural state of reassurance for them.

I would have to say my childcare was sick.

Women have to do that all the time.

You don't leave someone who's incapacitated in charge of dc.

He probably knew he would end up in this state but went ahead and did it anyway
Its not OPs fault, its his. Hes a shit father and certner not a partner for behaving this way

Hes abdicating his duties to his dc and OH.

OP does need to now get in control and not rely on him ever again, as it risks her job, until he's got his drinking under control. For him, that sounds like complete abstinence

And as I said earlier this idea/image of incapibility and uselessness is purposely created by men.

If a man puked or pissed all.over another mans bed when they got drunk and passed out at a mates house theyd find themselves in the back of an ambulance. So they can control it.

I do hear what you're saying Sarah but I'm struggling to see both that a man can control his bodys vomit urge (other than abstaining from alcoholism), his unconscious bed/wardrobe pissing, or that the underlying truths of OPs situation are relevant to what she needs to actually do.

I agree that mostly it goes on behind closed doors, but regardless of that, OP needs to knownits not her fault, and there are ways out but there must always be a responsible adult.

I'd be very tempted to call his dm over next time he did it, he needs shaming for his shit behaviour and OP and her DC deserve better treatment and example than this.

They probably cant controll the vomiting but I think they could probably control the mess they made and their behaviour after.

It's why these things happen at hotels or at home, where someone else usually a woman is there to bail them out and/or clean up after them.

Theyd never be invited back if they behaved the same way at their mates house. It's not so much as being unable to control what happens when you drink as it is allowing yourself to show the utter disdain for women you usually manage to hide but still believe at a primal level

In all honesty its another thread.

Whether his mates would put up with it I mean, or whether men can generally stop themselves from vomitting or pissing or passig out when arse'old, or whether its a gendered behaviour, which I believe it is, anecdotally having never heard of women pissing in wardrobes etc, I'm sure there will be a case or two or that though somewhere.