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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I'm not being 'controlling' and that he shouldn't have gone and got pissed last night?

230 replies

GreenyHedges · 01/01/2020 16:53

Background is 'D'H and I have 2 kids, DS who is 6 and DD who is 4. DH still likes to go out with his mates and wanted to go out NYE. I have a job where I have to work New Year's Day, so I said ok but can you please watch how much you're drinking, I'm not saying you can't drink but you need to be able to look after the kids while I'm at work. He said fine and got in the taxi.

Well next thing I know it's 3:30 am and I'm awoken by the sound of him vomitingEnvy (not envy!) and staggering all over the place knocking into everything.
I told him I wasn't pleased and I'd asked him not to do this. And that he would still be looking after the kids regardless so to expect to be woken up at 7:00 by DD.

I left for work just before 6 as I was on a morning shift, he'd left the place in a tip, hadn't cleaned the bathroom from when he was throwing up. When I got home around 2, he was upstairs lying on the bed, obviously hungover, and the kids were downstairs watching TV. When I asked them what they'd done they said they'd been watching TV all day and that DH had given them crisps for breakfastConfused and cereal for lunch.

When I tried to talk to DH he said I was being controlling and he's allowed to go out and have a good time if he wants.

OP posts:
Runmybathforme · 01/01/2020 18:33

I can see I’m in the minority here, but I wouldn’t be impressed that he wanted to spend NYE with his mates anyway. Wonder how he would have reacted if you had behaved the same way ?

Karenisbaren · 01/01/2020 18:42

I think its important to know how often he goes out? because if its once a month or once a year and your having a go at hime then it could be seen as controlling, he should be watching the children though.

Littletabbyocelot · 01/01/2020 18:43

There's a difference between being hungover and still parenting your children (not a pleasant experience and one I won't repeat) and virtually opting out of parenting in order to have a hangover in peace. You can't leave a 4 and 6 year old to watch tv all day. We got 2 hours out of ours cuddled up on the sofa this morning and they wanted to play. I dread to think what they'd achieve if left unsupervised for hours. They'd also be desperately hungry if fed only crisps and cornflakes

FruitcakeOfHate · 01/01/2020 18:51

Exactly, Sink.

CinderellasSecrets · 01/01/2020 18:53

If the worst did happen and one of the kids had an accident or fell ill, he would have been in no fit state to deal with that emergency. That is the problem. The rest of the stuff is pretty gross, like leaving the bathroom covered in vomit and feeding the kids crisps for breakfast, but less of an issue than being incapable to adequately caring for his children.

If you want to go out and get paraletic drunk and feel the need to be so drunk that your vomiting in order to have fun, then by all means go and do that but not when you are going to be responsible for two very young children a few hours later.

likeafishneedsabike · 01/01/2020 18:56

Agree with PPs who say there is a big difference between being ‘delicate’ while looking after two kids and basically not looking after them at all. Even with my worst ever hangover I could lie on the sofa watching Disney and provide a carpet picnic.
If they were 16 and 14, fine. At 6 and 4, not ok to leave them on their own all day (very dangerous when mine were that age in fact).
I disagree with posters who’ve said it’s okay if it’s only once a year. From where I’m standing, failing to meet the basic needs of your children is not okay even if it’s infrequent.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 01/01/2020 18:56

Getting shit faced when you've 2 kids to look after the next day? No, you are not bu.

cuparfull · 01/01/2020 18:59

He's irresponsible ! Imagine had a child opened the front door and wandered out? The apologists on here would be singing a different tune then.
It's just soooo NOT on to be incapacitated whilst minding young children.

selmabear · 01/01/2020 19:08

Not having 'proper' meals and watch TV all day won't kill them and kids love those kind of days. But I would be livid to learn a 6 and 4 year old had been left unsupervised downstairs while dad was asleep upstairs. That's just plain stupidity.

Abouttimemum · 01/01/2020 19:08

It amazes me how some people just don’t give a flying fuck about their family. You’re not being unreasonable at all OP.

ohprettybaby · 01/01/2020 19:10

Totally irresponsible behaviour. It's all very well for previous posters to say it's okay as long as it doesn't happen every weekend but you have young DC who cannot look after themselves. What if there had been a fire and he needed to get the children out of the home? They are 4 and 6 ffs. And crisps are not going to fill them up for breakfast.

He needs to realize that you can't get pissed anymore once you have DC and are responsible for their welfare.

ActualHornist · 01/01/2020 19:13

@cuparfull and if the parent was unwell with say, flu?

I’d be pissed off OP but if it were my DH I’d let it go because he doesn’t go out often and he doesn’t get pissed. If he did, it’d be because he’d seriously misjudged his tolerance levels and his mates had bought the majority of drinks for him.

We’ve had a day in front of the tv by choice, eating the few crisps and stuff we had available as we travelled back from relatives yesterday and I’ve had a migraine all day so didn’t want to go out and find an open shop.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 19:14

@ActualHornist if he had flu he'd probably say "I'm in no fit state to look after the children". Rather than pretending he is because he knew he'd screwed up, then acting irresponsibly.

Aquilla · 01/01/2020 19:15

I don't think this is too bad tbh.

ByeMF · 01/01/2020 19:16

Ok so doesn't look like OP has been back. But tbh it's not a good sign that he'd rather spend NYE getting shitfaced with his mate than home with his partner.

JacquesHammer · 01/01/2020 19:17

and if the parent was unwell with say, flu?

There’s a marked difference between falling ill and a self-inflicted state, especially when he had already agreed with the OP to not get himself in a state.

pointythings · 01/01/2020 19:18

That's really poor parenting, and why is it that so many people equate 'fun' with 'getting so drunk that you vomit all over the bathroom and feel like death the next day'? That's even more pathetic.

WorldsOnFire · 01/01/2020 19:20

Unpopular opinion - Drinking to the point of making yourself vomit is disgusting and means you have a problem!

If people binge eat to the point of vomit, exercise or ... do anything else to the point it makes them vomit people are like ‘wow ok you took that too far maybe you need some help’ why is drinking different?

As a country we have a horrifically unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Alcoholism is routinely passed off a ‘glamorous’, ‘sociable’ and ‘a good time’! I’ve spent time in other European countries and whilst yes they ‘like’ a drink - they don’t (excluding Eastern Europe) have the drinking culture we do or binge in the same way. Drinking mainly centres around big meals and they end up tipsy but not shit faced and vomiting!

Cohle · 01/01/2020 19:22

I agree. You can have plenty of fun on a night out and still be halfway capable of parenting the next day.

Presumably if he had work the next day he would have drunk less? So it's just his kids he doesn't think are worth making that effort for.

Ginger1982 · 01/01/2020 19:26

I don't get why 'having fun' necessitates getting completely rat arsed to the point of spewing everywhere.

lborgia · 01/01/2020 19:26

"The kids survived unscathed" is a pretty low benchmark.

Yanbu - pathetic behaviour.

Lots of posters saying they've done this when actually it doesn't sound as if they have. Were you awake till the early hours? Did you do it knowing that you were going to be in sole charge of young children? Did you take yourself off to bed on a different floor? Did you leave your children unsupervised for 2-3 hours at a time?

I doubt it.

EKGEMS · 01/01/2020 19:30

Greysparkles Did I touch a nerve dear? Why don't you go and sleep off your New Years hangover

Crazypanda85 · 01/01/2020 19:35

Firstly it would all piss me off OP. The going out on NYE and not spending it as a family, coming home at 3, not cleaning his sick up, and being lazy the next day....I'd be raging.
But realistically the two things he did that were bad and worth being angry at are not cleaning his sick up and not providing proper meals for his children.
Just make sure you have a really good night out soon and return the favour Wink

DameSquashalot · 01/01/2020 19:41

There is absolutely no need to get so drunk that you can't look after your children the next day.

It's pure selfishness. It wouldn't have occured to my DD to make a sandwich for her and a younger sibling when she was six.

I don't know anyone who would behave like this. It's not just s Mumsnet thing. Hmm

StreetwiseHercules · 01/01/2020 19:41

I’m a Dad and I honestly don’t understands dads (or Mums) who do this. When you have young kids you just can’t go out and get ratarsed anymore. That’s over. There is no need.