To think I'm not being 'controlling' and that he shouldn't have gone and got pissed last night?

[GreenyHedges]

Background is 'D'H and I have 2 kids, DS who is 6 and DD who is 4. DH still likes to go out with his mates and wanted to go out NYE. I have a job where I have to work New Year's Day, so I said ok but can you please watch how much you're drinking, I'm not saying you can't drink but you need to be able to look after the kids while I'm at work. He said fine and got in the taxi.

Well next thing I know it's 3:30 am and I'm awoken by the sound of him vomiting (not envy!) and staggering all over the place knocking into everything.
I told him I wasn't pleased and I'd asked him not to do this. And that he would still be looking after the kids regardless so to expect to be woken up at 7:00 by DD.

I left for work just before 6 as I was on a morning shift, he'd left the place in a tip, hadn't cleaned the bathroom from when he was throwing up. When I got home around 2, he was upstairs lying on the bed, obviously hungover, and the kids were downstairs watching TV. When I asked them what they'd done they said they'd been watching TV all day and that DH had given them crisps for breakfast and cereal for lunch.

When I tried to talk to DH he said I was being controlling and he's allowed to go out and have a good time if he wants.

She’d have had to have lied, no way would you keep your job as a woman or be taken seriously phoning in and admitting your husbands too pissed to look after the kids.
As for those saying kick him out. FFS do you have any idea how hard single parenting is ... certainly not a decision to be taken lightly

OP you absolutely did your best in the circumstances

Ignore your husband sulking, its yet another bit of teenage behaviour

Hopefully he'll grow up soon

As for those saying kick him out. FFS do you have any idea how hard single parenting is ... certainly not a decision to be taken lightly

I’m a single parent. I still think the OP would be better off than parenting two children and a man child.

@sarah
@JacquesHammer

I’m not saying your wrong that the OP’s employer wouldn’t have liked it.
But would you honestly consider any LG that a ‘reasonable’ excuse in the eyes of the law or SS had anything happened to the kids whilst OP was at work?

No you wouldn’t. I’m sorry hit ‘work wouldn’t have liked it’ or ‘I might have got fired’ means nothing compared with child safety.
Why would anybody leave an adult who isn’t even fit to drive, in charge of a 6yo 🤔

Just imagine trying to explain it to the police/SS or a Netflix documentary and see if you think it sounds justifiable!!

*any of that

No you wouldn’t. I’m sorry hit ‘work wouldn’t have liked it’ or ‘I might have got fired’ means nothing compared with child safety

You’re making it too much of a black and white issue. Which is a bit pointless really given the situation didn’t arise.

In this situation the OP is not even the slightest bit at fault for anything.

The Dh should have done what single parents or those who's partners cant afford to take time off work do. Crawl downstairs and get on with it.

It was a hangover he wasnt dying. The op wasn't unreasonable to expect him to at least splash some.water on his face and get on with it ffs

It's what 99.9 percent of people would have done

DH has been out twice over Christmas and both times managed to come home at a reasonable time, make himself dinner and sandwiches for work and get up at 4.50 for work the next morning. Amazing, isn't it?

@JacquesHammer

I’m not saying the OP is at fault as DH is clearly to blame.
However it sounds like you think the OP was right to leave her children in the care of a heavily intoxicated adult who was still in bed? Because she ‘had to go to work’ so ‘had no choice’.

In this situation nothing happened but it doesn’t make it ok! Lots of people reading this post may end up in a similar situation themselves at some point so it’s very important not to pretend that two young children don’t require an alert and capable adult to supervise them.

If OP were posting now that her DH was drunk and she had to go to a night shift I sincerely hope that everyone would be advising her not to leave the children!

All it takes is one time it’s not ‘all ok’

However it sounds like you think the OP was right to leave her children in the care of a heavily intoxicated adult who was still in bed? Because she ‘had to go to work’ so ‘had no choice’

That’s pretty much what “had no choice” means...

Anyone who gets drunk like that when you've got kids is a disgrace. It's not funny or cool, it's uttterly pathetic.

You need to raise your standards OP.

Does he always get drunk and end up hungover When he goes out like this? That isn’t ok. He should be able to go out, maybe have a drink or two, and come home without vomiting or being hungover. Worst case scenario, the next morning he should be wishing aunt ida hasn’t bought the kids musical instruments, but still up to watching their impromptu concert over breakfast.

YANBU. Just because it was NYE does not give him the excuse to go out and get trollied knowing you are working next day and he has the kids if he is then going to be I capable of getting out of bed. Go out a night your not working next day. I would have been peeved to say the least if my oh had gone out without me NYE.
TBH he was breaking the law as you are deemed incapable of looking after a child when drunk and he was drunk not hungover he wasnt capable of driving so over the limit

Every couple of months? Dear god, what a plonker!

@JacquesHammer

It is categorically not ok to leave young children either unsupervised or under the supervision of an unfit (heavily intoxicated) adult! Fearing for your job or thinking work won’t like it is not ‘having no choice’!

On this occasion nothing dangerous happened. That does not mean it was the correct thing to do or that the OP (or anyone else) would be right to do it again.

Then it's the husbands responsibility to sort it out.

He got home ok he can pick up a phone and call his dad/mum

haveuheard my 8yo can't reach the plates, the jam or the top shelves of the fridge. So he'd make himself a butter sandwich with no plate.

ActualHornist I've had flu and looked after a 3 and nearly 2yo. It was hell. I kept drifting off to sleep in the armchair, and I had to ask then DH to make jellies for DD1's birthday the next day, as I knew the smell of food would make me vomit. They basically did what they wanted all day, and I think they might have had sandwiches for all 3 meals, I can't remember (this was 26 years ago!).

@SarahTancredi

And if he woke up and did that then fine but walking out of a house leaving your two small children in the care of an intoxicated/in bed adult on the idea that ‘it’s his problem’ is not ok either.
The children and their safety come first every single time!

And how safe would they be with no home given the dh does this every 2 months . How long would op remain.employed do you think if she called in every time.

He got himself from the pub to a tax to home to the bathroom then to.the bedroom . He also.managed to get up to give the.kids some crisps. He could have called then.

If he were just hungover that would be a very different scenario but he didn’t get home till 3:30 at which point he was heavily intoxicated to the point of vomiting.

What are the chances he was sober by 7am? 🤔
3.5 hours to sleep off a very heavy night and take full responsibility for two young children- absolutely not!

It doesn’t matter who was ‘right’ or whose fault it was (obviously DH was fully in the wrong) the kids come first!

OP should not have gone to work! Luckily it turned out ok but that does not mean it was the right thing to do in future!

Shesalittlemadam I've never had a job where I could ring up and say "my DH is hungover and incapable of looking after the DC, I have to take the day off." What was the OP supposed to do?

We've all done worse haven't we?

Managed entire days of college/work on 3 hours sleep after a heavy night. What's so special about him that he couldnt?

@SarahTancredi

I’m sure had something happened to the kids the police and SS would have said ‘No OP- you were right to leave them with their drunk father. You need to hold down a job and that comes first 👍🏻‘

^No they wouldn’t have said that. Both DH and OP would likely have faced charges of neglect had anything happened to either child!

I understand that the OP is in a bad situation and I sympathise but you’re trying to say it’s ok but endanger children if you’re doing it to keep a job/roof over their head!

What an irresponsible twat (the DH).