To think I'm not being 'controlling' and that he shouldn't have gone and got pissed last night?

[GreenyHedges]

Background is 'D'H and I have 2 kids, DS who is 6 and DD who is 4. DH still likes to go out with his mates and wanted to go out NYE. I have a job where I have to work New Year's Day, so I said ok but can you please watch how much you're drinking, I'm not saying you can't drink but you need to be able to look after the kids while I'm at work. He said fine and got in the taxi.

Well next thing I know it's 3:30 am and I'm awoken by the sound of him vomiting (not envy!) and staggering all over the place knocking into everything.
I told him I wasn't pleased and I'd asked him not to do this. And that he would still be looking after the kids regardless so to expect to be woken up at 7:00 by DD.

I left for work just before 6 as I was on a morning shift, he'd left the place in a tip, hadn't cleaned the bathroom from when he was throwing up. When I got home around 2, he was upstairs lying on the bed, obviously hungover, and the kids were downstairs watching TV. When I asked them what they'd done they said they'd been watching TV all day and that DH had given them crisps for breakfast and cereal for lunch.

When I tried to talk to DH he said I was being controlling and he's allowed to go out and have a good time if he wants.

YANBU - I don't care how hungover you are you still need to look after your children

Let the man have fun. One day won’t have hurt the kids and. I bet h regretted it anyway

Cos theres no other way to have fun that get this wasted and leave vomit all over the toilet..

He could be as pissed as he liked and suffered the consequences too but he had to be responsible for his two dc the next day. So for that reason yanbu

He needs to grow up and face the fact the kids come first

There’s a big difference between alcoholic piss head and a parent being hung over once a year.
I’m just saying no one is perfect and the context of this being New Years Day makes a difference.
I’d be completely agreeing with you if this were a weekly or even monthly lads night out. But the OP hasn’t given that impression (yet).

Sounds like you have an alcohol problem greysparkles and you don't know the definition of responsible parenting

Ooo you got me. You're powers of deduction are top notch considering you're going from one comment on an anonymous forum. Keep it up inspector clouseau

He acknowledged before he left that he needed to be in a fit state to look after his children. You’re absolutely entitled to be unhappy about him effectively going back on his word.

So sad, lots of alcoholics and low standards. Have fun means coming in and boaking all over the bathroom at 3.30am like a bloody 16-year-old when you have two little kids you need to look after a few hours later, leaving it a state and then being passed out and leaving the little kids unsupervised. Fucking hell.

I think the fact that you had to remind him that you were working today, and that he has responsibilities, tells you as much as you need to know. His subsequent behaviour merely confirms that regardless of how many children you actually bore, you will always have one extra.

Presumably he's cleaning up his own mess this evening? Including the toilet?

Crisps for breakfast..?.he can get as drunk as he likes as long as it doesn't result in a bad state the next day, which it clearly does, so no wonder you asked him not to. Not even being sprawled on the sofa next to them is really not on.

No you're not being controlling

You can have fun without vomming at 3am

What an arse wipe...☹️

These douches always have the same answer "you are controlling."

One rule for men comes to mind.

How would he feel if you did the self same thing as he has done !!!

Assuming it's not an every day thing, it sounds fine. It's New Year's, lighten up. I'm sure the country is full of hungover parents today. No one died.

To me, the key point is not the drunkenness per se but how he has reacted to it.

If he had said ‘yes you’re right, I made a bad decision, I’m so sorry’ then I would say you’ve got a partnership worth working on. But to dismiss all your concerns and call you controlling suggests to me that your relationship isn’t great tbh. And that more than anything else is why I say that I would take this incident very seriously I’m afraid.

Is he regularly rude, disrespectful and irresponsible?

Do you ever get the chance to go or are the kids your responsibility? I don’t normally say this but LTB.

I would be livid. I have no issue with a spouse being able to go out whatsoever with friends but I would have an issue with them coming home in a state where they couldn’t parent. Once you become a parent you put the children first until they themselves reach adulthood.

He should have got his arse up and done the kids some cereal/toast and laid on the sofa at least, if he's hungover. Leaving them downstairs on their own all day is shit.

Have a number of people ignored the fact that he had not cleaned up after himself after he had been sick? That is horrible. I hope the kids didn't find that in the morning when they woke up.

You can welcome the New Year in without getting into that state.

What a fucking irresponsible arsehole. YANBU.

Some posters need to raise their standards. What the husband did was not okay. The kids are only 6 and 4 years old. They cannot and should not be left to fend for themselves.

I think it depends on the number of times it happens. It was a regular event in our home. He'd frequently let me down with Friday nights out after work (only going for 1 to be social he'd say) having a hangover over the weekend.
If I said anything I was called a nag, the fun police, controlling.

If it's regular I really sympathise. I don't know what the solution is because in my experience we are seen as killjoys. In my instance I started to not involve him with weekend plans. He's missed out but we have kept up with events, family, friends, hobbies. This solved nothing really but I stopped feeling so annoyed.
Then an acquaintance of his (some he respected) informed him he was being a knob and gave a reality check (I did not ask them to - they'd been watching and listening to his drunken boorishness. Been better since but I still get the urge to 'clench' when he goes out.

Loads of people do this where I live 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's not great but if it's once a year and he's generally a good husband and father then I'd let it go.

He was not passed out
He did get up and fed the children cereal and crisps
They were not alone downstairs all day long

Stop making stuff up.

Theres hungover and theres hungover. He's crossed the line into shit parenting. Even worse, has shown no remorse.

Christ you lot would have gone mad at me , when after my dh funeral I got absolutely pissed and had to look after a 3yr old the next day

Ffs, it's new year, loads of parents will be hungover , a morning of tv wont hurt, many kids will, have had selection boxes on Xmas morning so not much different to crisps

If it's every week a different story but only op can answer that one

Mumsnetters as usual living in a different world to the rest of us, 4 year old and 6 year old don't need supervision watching tv