DH called me an old soak in the middle of the night

[Somethingelseentirely]

That’s it, really - we’d both been at a party, I sometimes talk in my sleep, so in my head was explaining to ds how to play a game, dh woke up and called me an old soak. I am 48 and probably quite sensitive about my age. We have a visitor so couldn’t sleep anywhere else, cried for a while and then got up and I walked two miles to get my car. Currently sat in a car park feeling sorry for myself. Not feeling the happiest of New Years at all!

I've had to stop myself from overreacting like this a lot lately. I'm 48 and perimenopausal.

You drink driving is much worse than being called an old soak.

Do you drink a lot?

Over-reaction!

I regularly call my husband an 'old fart'.

I would be furious. It's seriously hypothetical if he had been drinking too, and extremely insulting. It could also be quite sexist/ageist, on the lines of 'Young women may get drunk and have a laugh, but it's disgraceful over a certain age' (pick an age, any age...). But it's okay for men?
Having said that, if he had been drinking too, it could be just stuff pouring out of his mouth in a similar way to it pouring out of yours.
I do know those with a younger partner can be extremely sensitive to aging though. I'd say if you can normally talk things through, you need to sit down when you're both sober and calm.
Let him know that what stung was where this comment came from, and let him know how it made you feel.

I would call him an old wizened up grunter with no sex appeal. I certainly would not cry. I'd get a young lover.

@thejollyroger thank God someone else gets it!!

LTB! (Just kidding)

It was a throwaway comment, but it sounds like he hit a nerve

I would be very upset if my DH called me an old soak. It’s offensive IMHO. Maybe because I am old I recall it being a real insult. If I’d had a few, like you, I’d have walked out too.

I’m with the others....massive over reaction. Infact, I just don’t really get it!?
He calls you an old soak....(so?) just say “says you!” and roll over, go back to sleep!

I’m obviously missing something. I just don’t get why you’d be upset with that.

Seems a bit of an overreaction to me, he was probably just grumpy at being woken up, I am very grumpy at being woken up and would probably have a few choice words for my OH too but he knows it’s meaningless.

Seem a bit over-emotional OP.
Maybe insecure about him being a bit younger? I would try and just see it as him being tired and if he calls you old again, say "please don't" - also, if you were drunk when you went to bed 4 hours earlier are you safe to drive?

inherdefence

Nowadays I sleep in the spare room when he’s had a drink.

Erm? YOU sleep in the spare room when HE's had a drink?

I would have said what do you mean, explain yourself and then slept on it. Speak to him about it you obviously feel bad about being called old even though you aren't ask him to refrain from saying you are old.

Do you drink more than you should? I do! It appears that both you and your old man were slightly pissed when you went to bed. I dream and call my other half all sorts of things, nothing meant, just the drink talking. I get it back. All kisses and cuddles next morning, if either of us can remember what we said in our sleep. Just let it pass, nothing nasty was meant, I am sure. KISS AND MAKE UP!

We did

Ah, it was the ‘old’ and not the ‘soak’ that bothered you? I think you’re overreacting ‘old soak’ is an expression for a drunk - just ‘soak’ alone doesn’t sound right. You’re reading too much into it - so what if you’re older than him? If it bothered him then he wouldn’t have married you.

I know. Bit of context - my bday is on the 29th of December, so 3 days later you can say I am 2 years older next year. So just past midnight friends teased me about being 50 next year, even though I am only a few days into being 48. I thought I thought it was funny, but it has obvs bothered me more than I thought.

We're all mended, but I am very ashamed of both the over dramatics and the driving - I have never done that before, ever. More worried about that now, tbh. Neither are like me, was very out of character. Very shocked at myself, as is dh (although he is v apologetic).

Was he singing Fairy tale of New York at the time?

You went to bed sloshed, started talking to yourself, woke your OH up, he was annoyed and called you an old soak (I've heard way worse frankly) and because you're being over sensitive (menopausal) you took unnecessary offence and walked 2 miles to sit in your car just to prove you really are a div.

There, fixed your post for you.

Seriously, if my hubs called me that I would have told him to shut up and just gone back to sleep. It's hardly the insult of the century and you were actually drunk and I dare say that was the bit he was focused on.

If this is the full sum of your problems then your life is fine but you deffo need to sort that menopause out because you're being a right twat.

If there are other probs in your relationship we don't know about that's different, otherwise you need to get a grip.

Yes, right twat. There aren't any other problems, other than I need to work out how not to do that again.Ever.

Hmm

I need to work out how not to do that again.Ever.

I really feel for you OP. I stopped drinking due to an 'incident' a few months ago. The person who said alcohol is not your friend at this point in your life is spot on: healthy eating (supplemented with Kalms) is a much more sensible option.

Glad you managed to sort it out with your DH