DH called me an old soak in the middle of the night

[Somethingelseentirely]

That’s it, really - we’d both been at a party, I sometimes talk in my sleep, so in my head was explaining to ds how to play a game, dh woke up and called me an old soak. I am 48 and probably quite sensitive about my age. We have a visitor so couldn’t sleep anywhere else, cried for a while and then got up and I walked two miles to get my car. Currently sat in a car park feeling sorry for myself. Not feeling the happiest of New Years at all!

You always say old before soak. Always.

Newmetoday

No, I get that. I know it’s an expression. But that doesn’t mean it’s not ageist. The insult as I have come across it means “person who is no longer young who habitually gets falling down drunk”. You wouldn’t say it to a pissed twenty year old.

Laughing at the poster who think it’s always women getting called old soaks. In my experience, it’s men. Never heard a woman being called one except the OP on this thread.

I think you're being way too sensitive.

Newmetoday

Shall I laugh at your experience, then?

Why are people so rude on this site?! It’s New Year’s Day! Maybe make a resolution of not being quite so unpleasant to people for no reason whatsoever?

People need to be mindful that if they’ve bern drinking into the early hours and enough to be called drunk then they are very likely over the legal limit in the morning for driving.

I call my boyfriend a lazy old git...among other old insults, in a joking way. He's 36, def not old! You're not even old OP! But I get that you're sensitive about it. It's sometimes just a word that's flung about without much thoughts or meaning, they not to worry.

Complete overreaction if it’s an isolated incident. If he habitually makes you feel shit then I understand why you’re upset.

Never mind the insult you shouldn’t be sat in your car if you’re pissed enough to be an old soak.

I react badly to things when I've been drinking and had issues before, it's not the drinking as such, More that it serves to highlight problems I already have.

I reckon you're still drunk. Like others...I also say you shouldn't be driving. I hope you're home safely now and chatting with your other half.

You've called a taxi, I missed that past earlier I'm sorry. Glad you're back home.

I call my boyfriend a lazy old git...among other old insults, in a joking way.

But because he’s not old, it’s obviously a joke. It’s like if a size 8 woman eats her whole Easter egg in the course of a morning and her boyfriend called her a fat cow, affectionately. Obviously she’s not fat, so the insult doesn’t land and is more likely to have been meant as a joke. But if my DH called me a fat (old) cow, there would be WW3!

I agree with @thejollyroger about 'old soak' & usage, as it happens. Of course it's always 'old soak' - but you'd never use it to a young person (well, I'd never use it at all!), abs after thinking about it, I'd associate its usage being directed at women.

Sorry for adding to derail. Think Jolly got an unfair going-at, too.

OP, I'm glad you're home, hope you'll be ok. I reckon it's just the horrors from the drink & you'll be grand in a bit 🤞

EarringsandLipstick

🥳

It's amazing how the odd throwaway comment stays with us forever, because without meaning to, the other person hit a nerve.

I get it OP. for you.

As quite a,reactive person myself, I can say that this is a huge over reaction . Huge

You are way too sensitive your age, I am a few years older than my DH, I sometimes call him a grumpy old man (he is ).

Allideasandnoaction when I read the dig/dog typo I thought here's a new word to add to my collection, obvs some parts of the uk (I assume) use dog as a verb meaning to slag someone, I laughed when I saw your correction.

I think your being silly. My hubby and I are mid 30s and we call each other old all the time! You seem very sensitive about your age!

I’m sorry you were upset and glad you are now home safe.

Honestly though, it’s not about an overreaction. It was a drunken overreaction. And you sound like you were very soaked.

How are you? Did he know you went out?

I’d take this as an opportunity to understand why you overreacted to this. Are you insecure in your relationship? Is your dh a bit of a verbally abusive arsehole? Have you got issues towards ageing that need addressing? Sometimes these things can be a wake up call.

over reaction

Another one who thinks this was a drunken over reaction. ‘Old soak’ is a recognised phrase to describe someone who likes a drink. There isn’t a different phrase for a younger soak. It’s not a particularly nice thing to call someone but it’s definitely a reference to alcohol consumption not age.

I was worried about walking two miles to the car as I was concerned you might still be over the limit so was glad to see that you got a cab home. Hopefully when you are both awake and calm, you’ll kiss and make up.

Incidentally, my DH has dreadful nightmares and shouts and swears in his sleep, particularly after a few drinks. I try to be patient as I know it’s outside his control, but being woken out of a deep sleep by someone yelling or lashing out can be terrifying and I have snapped at him in frustration occasionally. I wouldn’t want to be judged by what I said in those moments of shock. Nowadays I sleep in the spare room when he’s had a drink.

As PP have said, your chap really touched a nerve with his comment. There is, mind you, a world of difference between affectionate teasing and something said sharply. Either way, it stung. When he’s up and about maybe you could talk to him about it. It seems important.