For feeling bullied by the FB "missing dog" group

[frillyfarts]

A dog in our village went missing just over a month ago, and since then her owners have obviously been beside themselves looking for it. We live at the edge the village and have just over four acres of land running down to the river, a few outbuildings and some stables where I keep my horses and five pet sheep. We have dogs ourselves so I do understand their panic/desperation to get them back, our dogs are part of the family and I can't imagine what they're going through.

When he first went missing, we checked all our buildings and walked the perimeter of the paddocks - I messaged the lady to tell her this and she acknowledged it. Since then, there has been a significant Facebook following on the dog's missing page and all kinds of people have turned up to help look.

This has slowly become an issue as we've had strangers climb into our fields and spook the horses, trying to access our buildings (some of which we have valuables in) and walking around the paddocks in the dark which has scared me as I was alone and not expecting to see flashlights on our land.

The final straw was last night when a group spooked my horse who jumped the fence and injured himself, I had to get the vet out, he needed stitches. I feel I've been accommodating and I would always allow the lady (whose dog it is) to come and look for him as she is known to me, but obviously I don't want strangers walking about our buildings and scaring the horses at night. So I sent her a text this morning to say please make everyone aware they are not to enter my property without my permission - I explained the back story with the horse and vet.

This evening I have seen on FB that she has posted a long rant that "everyone in the village is helping to search for Bean and has been so cooperative, apart from one mad horsey lady who has sadly refused us any further permission to search for the dog. This leaves a missing piece in the jigsaw and he could be laying hurt in her field because of her own selfishness."

I feel bullied - I don't dare to communicate further with her because I feel it will be twisted against me and I feel like I'm been made to feel like the villain in this. I don't want to send her an angry message either for fear it will be screenshot and posted. She hasn't mentioned me by name or address so I don't think there is anything I can do? I just feel so got at, and so annoyed that I spent so long looking for their dog and I'm just been made to feel like the bad guy.

No advice OP. But I just wanted to say you are definitely NOT being unreasonable.

After this length of time, sad as it is, I doubt their dog is coming back.

They have no right to trespass.

Just delete the group and ignore now. You are doing nothing wrong.

Facebook is awful for people saying nasty things! Can't you just post what you've posted here. I'm sure most sensible people will understand.

You should have posted on the Facebook page instead of texting her.

I’d post on the group and say

“I think this post is about me and I feel very misrepresented. The day I heard about Bean I searched our land thoroughly, since then I have allowed numerous others to keep searching but many turned up unannounced and even in the dark. Last night some of those searching scared my horse. My horse needed stitches. I emailed to say I would always keep my land open to the owner of Bean but it’s been a month and I can’t have strangers arriving in the dark and scaring my animals. I wish nothing but the best for Bean and if specific people wish to search for her at specific times on my land I will do what I can to accommodate them.”

I would post what you posted here. Say you will keep an eye out for him but your horse got hurt last night so you cannot have random people wandering around.

People go nits over this sort of stuff. On a localish group to me it got to the point you weren’t even allowed to say the dogs name.

Facebook is full of twats.

Delete the group, block the woman - you've been nothing but helpful and kind. What a shitty thing for her to do, after you've helped all you can.

I would post what was posted above

I have dogs myself and I understand the worry, but causing harm to other animals go try and find your own is not on

YANBU. What a dick thing to do. There was a missing dog group I was part of once and I was surprised how invested so many people got. Obviously it's very sad when a dog goes missing but apportioning blame to others is really out of order.

Agree with PP, post what you have said here and add that an animal has been hurt in the pursuit of one that is missing which presumably if they are all animal lovers, will appeal to their better nature

@moctodtensmum - that’sa good reply.

I would respond to her post with exactly what has happened and ask if anyone is willing to pay for your vet bills.

I’m sorry about your horse and hope he’s recovered very soon.

So sorry to hear that. You must feel awful.
I'm sure that you're doing right by not allowing strangers to walk on your land and cause distress to you and your animals.
The only advice I would have is to respond to that FB post.
Just be firm, polite and clear.
Write about your reasons and how the search affected you and your animals.
Offer solution such as allowing that lady and maybe her friend or two to search the land but only after telling you about it so that you can prepare and possibly lock your animals.

Of course you will get response from various people and some of them will be unhappy but you will never please everyone!
Don't respond to them after you post. Don't follow that thread.

Why didn't you post on FB, explaining what had happened?

I would reply with a short, dignified response as per your post. You are just putting the record straight.

That's so out of order! I think you would be entirely justified to post a calm and dignified, factual response, or you could just choose to delete it all.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable, OP.
You get some proper lunatics on these lost dog FB pages ... and I say that as a dog lover myself.
Hope you and your horse are ok

Unbelievable. I'm astounded that anyone would feel they had the right to go looking of a dog on someone else's land without permission... I'd have thrown them off every single time without fail. It's 4 acres, for heaven's sake - hardly like the dog could be out there and you not notice if you have your own stock to tend to. An estate running to hundreds of acres, a dog might be able to stay out of sight, but still one ought to seek permission before trespassing.

Looking of a dog

Honestly, sometimes I think I'm a halfwit.

God what an entitled bellend. So sorry about your horse and that nasty post OP, I know people love their furry friends but sometimes it seems to be at the expense of other people.

Agree with @moctodtensmum “I think this post is about me and I feel very misrepresented. The day I heard about Bean I searched our land thoroughly, since then I have allowed numerous others to keep searching but many turned up unannounced and even in the dark. Last night some of those searching scared my horse. My horse needed stitches. I emailed to say I would always keep my land open to the owner of Bean but it’s been a month and I can’t have strangers arriving in the dark and scaring my animals. I wish nothing but the best for Bean and if specific people wish to search for her at specific times on my land I will do what I can to accommodate them.”

It's perfect.

What a dick. I hope she reads this.

We had an issue like this in our area. Dozens of people turned up shining torches, stamping about and shouting the dogs name. The poor thing was so terrified that it ran away.

In the end the owner had to tell people to stop looking. She went back to the area on her own and took food, treats and the dogs bed. She then quietly called the dog and she came back.

YANBU. If it's obvious it's you she's talking about then maybe post your side of the story. I'd just leave the group and let them get on with it.

A month is a long time to be missing but the owner would be better going back alone to where they last saw the dog. (If they haven't already done this)

So she's not at all concerned about the injury caused to your beloved animal as a result of their idiotic, ineffectual searches at night, no less? Let alone apologising and offering to pay up, you know, in the interests of good will, and maybe continued (more sensibly exercised) privileges of access?

How sweet.

You should comment on the post and explain yourself, there are always 2 sides to a story but unfortunately people reading won’t see yours. Yanbu at all.