For feeling bullied by the FB "missing dog" group

[frillyfarts]

A dog in our village went missing just over a month ago, and since then her owners have obviously been beside themselves looking for it. We live at the edge the village and have just over four acres of land running down to the river, a few outbuildings and some stables where I keep my horses and five pet sheep. We have dogs ourselves so I do understand their panic/desperation to get them back, our dogs are part of the family and I can't imagine what they're going through.

When he first went missing, we checked all our buildings and walked the perimeter of the paddocks - I messaged the lady to tell her this and she acknowledged it. Since then, there has been a significant Facebook following on the dog's missing page and all kinds of people have turned up to help look.

This has slowly become an issue as we've had strangers climb into our fields and spook the horses, trying to access our buildings (some of which we have valuables in) and walking around the paddocks in the dark which has scared me as I was alone and not expecting to see flashlights on our land.

The final straw was last night when a group spooked my horse who jumped the fence and injured himself, I had to get the vet out, he needed stitches. I feel I've been accommodating and I would always allow the lady (whose dog it is) to come and look for him as she is known to me, but obviously I don't want strangers walking about our buildings and scaring the horses at night. So I sent her a text this morning to say please make everyone aware they are not to enter my property without my permission - I explained the back story with the horse and vet.

This evening I have seen on FB that she has posted a long rant that "everyone in the village is helping to search for Bean and has been so cooperative, apart from one mad horsey lady who has sadly refused us any further permission to search for the dog. This leaves a missing piece in the jigsaw and he could be laying hurt in her field because of her own selfishness."

I feel bullied - I don't dare to communicate further with her because I feel it will be twisted against me and I feel like I'm been made to feel like the villain in this. I don't want to send her an angry message either for fear it will be screenshot and posted. She hasn't mentioned me by name or address so I don't think there is anything I can do? I just feel so got at, and so annoyed that I spent so long looking for their dog and I'm just been made to feel like the bad guy.

Well to be perfectly frank, if the dog had been lying there, a month later, he's a corpse now.

What moctodtensmum suggested is perfect.

That was my thought too, mbosnz. Not sure the OP should write it on the FB page though..?

@Butchyrestingface "Failing that, I’d go for the less nuclear option (@moctodtensmum ’s suggestion rather than @ProfessionalBoss’)."

So, let me get this straight, people can continue to do what they like because she's a crazy horsy person we all know that a % of her searchers are going to feel this way, and other people on mn can advise to send vet bill to dog owner, install an electric fence, brandish a cattle prod etc etc, but posting that she's a liar, with proof of the lie is bad???

As I said earlier, people have been known to pretend an animal is missing on FB for the attention and drama, and were only outed after the family member who had the dog posted and called their relative out... 🤦‍♀️

Lord block and delete and think nothing more of it! The dog has been missing over a month! People will run out of steam now and it will be forgotten.

"Hi Jeff, I believe I'm the horse lady in question. I'm sorry if you've misunderstood, I'm more than happy for Ms Owner to come onto my property but we had an incident where a horse was spooked and injured (resulting in a vet visit at my own expense) so people's own safety and my horses I'm sorry but I can't risk unknown people on my land. I'm out with the horses and dogs twice a day so I will keep looking whilst I'm out and let Ms Owner know if I find anything."

Just post something like that.

YANBU at all and tbh at this stage I would be tempted to take her at her word and reiterate that no one including her is allowed on your land to search for this dog.

That was my thought too, mbosnz. Not sure the OP should write it on the FB page though..?

(snorts) possibly not.

I'd be furious if it was one of my animals injured. A month on, the dog is unlikely to just suddenly appear in the middle of your field, and to be honest, finding anything in the dark is nearly impossible, unless it wants to be found (and if it did, it would have been by now!). When I feed my ponies at night, I can't see them until they are pretty much breathing down my neck when they hear the feed bucket, and I have a pretty decent torch.

I lost a dog a few years ago, and would never have gone poking around in anyone else's fields in the dark, with or without permission.

whole situation will degenerate into a mad fight on FB

Nah 90% of the village will not take any notice at all.

I'd tend to just ignore personally. I'm kind of the opinion that people who matter know the truth. But equally it would be perfectly reasonable to post the facts. I'd avoid some of the passive-aggressive replies and just respond with a more breezy
'to be clear you are welcome to look on my land as long as you check with me it's okay first. I also have animals, one of which was hurt last week and needed stitches, obviously I need to make sure they are properly looked after too.'

You sound nice OP and in the end that shows in my life experience regardless of whether you choose to respond or not.

Lord block and delete and think nothing more of it! The dog has been missing over a month! People will run out of steam now and it will be forgotten.

^^I think that's what I'd do, I always take the approach of dignified silence. It scares the shit out of people generally 🤷🏻‍♀️🤔

@moctodtensmum has it down to a t.
Very sensible and factual.
In all honesty though I would probably tell them to fuck off. But I don't have to live there.

Also, having family who own livestock and land, I can 100% say that unless you speak to the owners/farmers, you will never know when they are in fact shooting predatory animals such as foxes on their land

Are you literally getting annoyed at everyone saying your suggestions are a bit OTT, when you are literally suggesting threatening on Facebook that somebody might get shot if they're not careful?

OP - please post the suggested wording from @moctodtensmum and let us know how it goes. True animal lovers would not want your horse getting hurt either.

I'd avoid getting into an online spat about it - at the moment most people won't know for sure it's you she's talking about. The moment you respond, they will and you may get a lot of hate.

You know what they say about wrestling with a pig? You both get dirty but the pig enjoys it.

I would actually take it quite seriously in that your horse has been hurt already and consider getting some advice from the police about how to handle it from here, with the trespassing etc.

I'd definitely be posting something, if nothing else, to draw attention to these self avowed animal lovers, that their recklessness has caused injury to another innocent animal, which surely they would not wish to happen - loving animals as they do? So could they please cease and desist, and in the meantime, I'll keep looking for the alleged dog, and allow daytime access to the owner even though she's been so rude and somewhat misleading about me, and injury has been caused to my animal . . .

Don't post that on FB. It wouldn't go well.

I'd be sending them the vet bill. Dicks

I’ve been involved in and organised searches for lost dogs and the last thing you do is tramp about shouting with torches!!
If it’s been a month, they really need confirmed sightings and if so the setting of trail cameras and a trap and if able a drone search. A month down the line, roaming about shouting is a waste of energy, if the dog is alive it is now in flight survival
mode and won’t respond to its name or even its owner.

@KnowBetterDoBetter "Are you literally getting annoyed at everyone saying your suggestions are a bit OTT, when you are literally suggesting threatening on Facebook that somebody might get shot if they're not careful?"

NO, I'm not getting annoyed at all, and my point was that unless I phone my relative before arriving on his land, there is a chance bullets may be flying, because shock horror, FACT, farmers shoot predatory animals on their land at unusual times, FFS give your head a wobble 🤦‍♀️

The dog isn't a husky is it OP? Just asking as there is something similar going on here, husky's have dreadful recall and its probably miles away by now.

im not on facebook and I won't be in WhatsApp groups, and I dont think I miss anything

@KnowBetterDoBetter how on earth you misread this as a threat is unbelievable... I think you're talking bs...

I think the answer drafted above was great - I would add that you check regularly too, and will continue to do so to support the hunt for the lost dog.

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I wouldn't respond. All you'll do is keep checking back until she or someone else comments, you won't achieve anything because everyone is obviously nuts, and it'll just wind you up. I know this from experience .

I'm sure most people reading are thinking what mbosnz said anyway.

@category12 - love that thing about wrestling with a pig, never heard it but its so relevant to my situation at the moment, thank you