For feeling bullied by the FB "missing dog" group

[frillyfarts]

A dog in our village went missing just over a month ago, and since then her owners have obviously been beside themselves looking for it. We live at the edge the village and have just over four acres of land running down to the river, a few outbuildings and some stables where I keep my horses and five pet sheep. We have dogs ourselves so I do understand their panic/desperation to get them back, our dogs are part of the family and I can't imagine what they're going through.

When he first went missing, we checked all our buildings and walked the perimeter of the paddocks - I messaged the lady to tell her this and she acknowledged it. Since then, there has been a significant Facebook following on the dog's missing page and all kinds of people have turned up to help look.

This has slowly become an issue as we've had strangers climb into our fields and spook the horses, trying to access our buildings (some of which we have valuables in) and walking around the paddocks in the dark which has scared me as I was alone and not expecting to see flashlights on our land.

The final straw was last night when a group spooked my horse who jumped the fence and injured himself, I had to get the vet out, he needed stitches. I feel I've been accommodating and I would always allow the lady (whose dog it is) to come and look for him as she is known to me, but obviously I don't want strangers walking about our buildings and scaring the horses at night. So I sent her a text this morning to say please make everyone aware they are not to enter my property without my permission - I explained the back story with the horse and vet.

This evening I have seen on FB that she has posted a long rant that "everyone in the village is helping to search for Bean and has been so cooperative, apart from one mad horsey lady who has sadly refused us any further permission to search for the dog. This leaves a missing piece in the jigsaw and he could be laying hurt in her field because of her own selfishness."

I feel bullied - I don't dare to communicate further with her because I feel it will be twisted against me and I feel like I'm been made to feel like the villain in this. I don't want to send her an angry message either for fear it will be screenshot and posted. She hasn't mentioned me by name or address so I don't think there is anything I can do? I just feel so got at, and so annoyed that I spent so long looking for their dog and I'm just been made to feel like the bad guy.

OP, I think you have to make a post on the group to defend yourself. If people start working out or suspecting that the mad horsey woman is you it could be nasty.

Why not message the admin with a statement and get them to post it for you. Or ask them to anyway. You've had ideas for statements above but obviously you are very capable of writing your own. Including a photo of the horse's injury.

If these people are really concerned about animal's well being, that should make some think.

The advantage of it being an admin post is that your name is not on the post.

As a former resident of a smallholding with horses, I'd have called the police the first time people turned up on my land in the dark with torches. You have been more than accommodating.

Absolutely do NOT reply, because so far no one knows that mad horsey lady is you! Just ignore it and let it pass on social media, the LAST thing you want is a bunch of not very bright angry people happy to trespass finding you and tracking you down!

FAR better to, when you see her and preferably with other people, say ‘Oh I’m SO glad to see you, any more sign of Bean? Would you like to organise a daylight time to come and have another look, since Blackie is now a bit better from those stitches? . By the way, who was the mad horsey lady you were talking about on FB?’ .

Don’t do ANYTHING online. Back away carefully.

Make a post, public one, on the group, exactly the reasons you've put in OP. Nothing unreasonable there, and then just forget them.

I have to say I think I would ask for advice from the Police about trespassing.
These people had nothing to do on your land. They could be anyone, incl a burglar and imo, this needs to be dealt with as such.

And YY about NOT putting anything online!
You would only attract more people to come over etc...

@CanIHaveADrink Trespass is not a police matter. It's civil

FWIW I think you are right not to comment. Our local newspaper would be all over a Facebook spat if they are low on local events - add in a missing dog, an injured horse and you got quite a neat story.

Best to withdraw but ask someone else to keep an eye on the page in case it escalates.

OP is a solicitor - I'm pretty sure she knows the law regarding trespass.

She's in a very uncomfortable position here as whatever she does or does not do will be taken as almost an admission of guilt - that even if she doesn't know what has happened to the dog, she doesn't care.

I think that on balance she's wise to keep her head down, but it's a horrible situation to be in, especially when her own animals are being injured, but she doesn't want to risk inflaming the situation. Who knows but this group could deliberately do damage, or injure her horses, and there would be nothing she could do about it unless she had CCTV - pretty difficult over a large area. She wouldn't be able to prove anyone responsible and they'd all alibi each other.

I am sure the OP is cognisant of the fact that she lives in a small village and does not want to become the brunt of a gossiping campaign.

I can understand why she contacted the dog owner directly regarding people accessing the land but, in hindsight, it was probably not the best thing to do.

I would go with the others and post a clear, factual response and give an opportunity to verify through the vet if possible. Emphasise that the owner is welcome any time to continue the search.

Also OP, is there any good friend of yours locally that you can get to vet your post before you put it up and give some support and help diffuse the situation on that thread?

Yes, explain to the FB group so there is no misunderstanding following the silly rant.

Continue the search?

It's a dog that's been missing for a month FGS!

Report the post to the group admin? Honestly people on those missing animals groups are nuts. Theres one near me and they seem to be constantly posting about cats that are not missing (and then enticing them away by feeding them). And ppl wandering your land in the dark sound like they're up to no good to me.

I hate these kind of fb groups. They feed off each other and it escalates very quickly. Pack mentality.

How did she loose the dog in the first place

I’d get the most gossipy person in the village to mention what’s happened. If you’ve lived there so long you must know who they are.

I’d leave it OP. Whatever you write half the people won’t read it properly as has been shown beautifully by this thread.

It doesn't constitute defamation under FB's criteria as it doesn't mention my name or my actual property address which are classed as identifying.

The post was made in a public FB group "find Bean" of which the dog owner is one of two admins, her son being the other therefore it isn't something I can report to the admin.

For those who are really exasperated I haven't posted, I don't want to open the door to a long public argument on the details of what I have of haven't said. As I've previously stated on this thread, I am a solicitor and therefore I have to be careful what I put on FB. If I respond to her post, I am basically calling a grief stricken dog owner a liar, and obviously there are a lot (over 1k) of people on the group who support her and emotion well and truly appears to overtake logic when it comes to missing dogs. I cannot "back up" my response with a screenshot of the messages I have as I am a solicitor and it is basically making a private conversation available in the public domain without her prior consent which is considered unethical - I can't really win by responding, as much as I REALLY want to.

My husband was in the pub yesterday and he's eased my mind quite a lot as most of the locals seem thoroughly fed up with the search party and apparently she's known for twisting the truth. For now my lovely husband has rigged up some security lighting and one of his trail camera's that sends text alerts to your phone when activated so if anything is amiss this evening I will be able to respond quickly.

I totally get you not wanting to post anything on FB. People go nuts on it and it’ll just spark off a massive debate and witch-hunt trying to find out who the trespassers were. And then other people saying they were right to do it because of the missing dog. The whole point of your message will get forgotten and it’ll just be a huge argument with your name at the top of it. Glad your DH made you feel better about it all.

Have you seen the raging arguments QCs get into on Twitter? The whole undermining the faith in the profession rule is largely ignored, unless you're saying some truly awful things online. But that aside, as you well know they're trespassing, you don't want them on your land in the dark, unannounced, anyone that wants to argue against that in light of your horse being injured is clearly a bit f-ing odd and entitled

Excellent news re the camera OP. Hopefully it will all quieten down.

A month?! Yeah I doubt that dog is coming back

Sounds as if you are on the right track. Sensible use of husband skills (lighting, and pub reconnaissance).

Much as I was agreeing all the way through with the first suggested post, given that you can't argue with stupid, or baying packs on Fb, I think keep quiet unless you start getting more personal attention.

Happy Bloody New Year to you!!

Good news that the villagers haven't got their pitchforks out.

I would guess that by talking with people in the pub, your DH will have managed to put your side across, too. If he mentioned the injuries to the horse, that will get round quickly enough, especially if this woman is known for twisting the truth.

Is there a village facebook? One that isn't under her control? I'm just thinking a reminder to people not to go on private land, that your horse has been injured by some well intentioned people and that you are sure land owners are, like yourself, happy to search their own land for anyone missing but it can't be done by strangers, would be a good idea? It would get the point across but as it isn't specifically a reply but a more general issue might be less inflammatory.