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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lying ...

279 replies

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 15:28

Stepkids are staying.

Generally get on with them fine, they are 13 and 15, so I admit I struggle with two (moody) teenage girls, who can be a bit huffy and rude as my own children are now adults (and I probably more tolerant with my SK than I was with my own as I am cautious). I have been around for 10 years.

I try to stay out of things as much as possible and sometimes struggle with the strict rules DH tried to dictate to me and my own children are now non existent and he is an utter hypocrite - another story.

One bugbear I do have and I find unacceptable is lying. Both girls have always lied without thinking twice but they are also told not to tell us things by their mother or to lie to us about stuff so I do wonder if that boundary is blurred for them.

Yesterday we took them clothes shopping with Christmas money (their choice) and I bought myself a couple of tops (completely unlike anything they bought for themselves) and the tops were put into the shopping bag with their stuff.

This morning I remembered I hadn’t taken the tops and went into their room and asked if I could please have them out of the bag, DSD1 said “oh that black one and that grey one?” I said “yes”. They were both dressed.

I found one but not the other and thought “that’s a bit weird” and thought I’d ask DH when he got out of the shower.

Two minutes later DSD1 knocks on my door and says “this one” holding out the top which had no labels on it and was warm and had clearly been worn (DSD is taller and broader than me).

She said “yeah I found it under the bed” I said “really? It looks like it’s been worn to me - did you have it on?” “Yes” she said.

OH brushed it aside but what really pisses me off is the blatant lying. Fine if she made a mistake (I am unsure how) but don’t then lie about it.

I know this is a petty gripe but I am so sick of keeping my mouth shut.

OP posts:
MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 15:36

Also Blush they have got through a 750g tub of Cadbury’s drinking chocolate in 5 days.

To me it’s a treat not something you have 5 a day of.

OP posts:
ALLMYSmellySocks · 30/12/2019 15:48

It's definitely annoying op and not ideal, I wouldn't say it was massively unusual for teenagers though, they'd sooner lie than get into trouble even when it means they're no longer believable.

Whattodo1610 · 30/12/2019 15:56

You sound awful tbh .....

She admitted she wore it ... so no lie there.

It’s hot chocolate ffs ... it’s Christmas ... I’m pretty sure there’ll be something they think you waste but hey ho ....

Nicknacky · 30/12/2019 15:58

What’s the issue with the chocolates?

Dontdisturbmenow · 30/12/2019 15:59

Iagree, annoying but really no big deal. Typical teenage behaviour. They were probably giggling, one told the other to try it on and see how tight it was on her, the kind of stupid things kids do that day. Then you caught them by asking for your things and they thought they'd be told off so tried to pass it off as just 'lost'.

She did acknowledge she'd worn it when you confronted her. She could have continued to play dumb. It's really no big deal in my book, nothing more than saying 'well I'd rather you didn't try on my new things', and move on.

Nicknacky · 30/12/2019 15:59

Or hot chocolate, I should say.

OkayGo · 30/12/2019 15:59

She sounds awful?? For not wanting them to wear a top that isn’t theirs? Odd.

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 16:02

Thing is she had it on and had done for several hours.

OP posts:
Legomanships · 30/12/2019 16:03

I would guess there is a bigger problem than the top...which doesn’t seem all that bad. Christmas can be a trying time, everyone maybe just needs to take a deep breath 😬

recrudescence · 30/12/2019 16:04

It obviously wasn’t under the bed but she did admit straight away to wearing it. Like the hot chocolate, I’d let it go.

Nicknacky · 30/12/2019 16:04

Does it really matter in the scheme of things if she had worn your top?

I bumped into my daughter in town a couple of weeks ago with my trainers and jacket on. I just laughed.

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 16:05

It was a brand new top - yes it does matter, esp as it’s now stretched.

OP posts:
Ballstothisdotcom · 30/12/2019 16:06

Step parents as a rule I think are on a hiding for nothing on mumsnet. I’ve had my dss stay over all Christmas I bought every single one of his Christmas presents making sure I spent the same on him as I do on my own kids. He pointedly kept saying thanks dad thanks dad. My husband picks him up on it every time but it makes no difference he went home today not even a thanks or a goodbye. It’s feels like a constant kick in the teeth.

ChestnutSmoothie · 30/12/2019 16:08

You asked her if she had it on and she said “Yes”. So what is your problem, exactly?

And the hot chocolate thing is pathetic. So what?

SquareAsABlock · 30/12/2019 16:08

Not sure what the chocolates have to do with this. Five a day of a tin like that is nothing over Christmas - were they only meant to have one a month until Easter? Choose an orange creme and lick it down until Xmas 2020?

Nicknacky · 30/12/2019 16:09

Why bring up the hot chocolate?

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 16:09

She was sat watching me look for it while she had it on under her jumper then said she found it under the bed.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 30/12/2019 16:12

How do you know that?

Frenchw1fe · 30/12/2019 16:13

I would just go into the bedroom , pick out her newest and nicest top and wear it for 3 hours and then throw it back on her bed.
Childish but very satisfying.

fluffyjumper · 30/12/2019 16:14

She knew it wasnt hers so she should not have put it in. It's a little thing known as respect. She then lied about where it was, I cant stand lies. My dd would rather fess up to doing something wrong then risk me finding out she has lied to me.

As for the hot chocolate it may be that when they are with thier mother it's not a treat but an everyday treat.

ChestnutSmoothie · 30/12/2019 16:15

Jeez. She did something she shouldn’t have done (worn your top) got caught out and panicked.

Not fantastic behaviour but the kind of thing most of us did as kids...even your perfect poppets.

Ask her not to do it again and stop behaving like she’s morphed into Rose West.

stillhangingon · 30/12/2019 16:17

I agree she shouldn't have put it on - it wasn't hers to do so. Even if she did admit to wearing it. If she didn't touch other people's things, she wouldn't have had anything to admit! But on the other hand, it's not a massive deal. Sure I'd be annoyed, but wouldn't hold onto it.

Whattodo1610 · 30/12/2019 16:18

How had she had the top on for several hours?? You bought it yesterday, ‘found’ it this morning ... not seen either of the girls wearing it during this time, yet 1 of them has worn it for a few hours?? Stretched? - No doubt the top will reshape once washed or hung up.

okay ... awful as in petty from the whole OP. Title is lying - yet the girl admitted she wore the top. Just OTT.

Relax a bit OP ....

Winterdaysarehere · 30/12/2019 16:18

Yanbu to expect your brand new top to still be brand new not worn by someone.
You dh does them no favours by enabling them.
Step back op. Let dh parent them 100 %. They have zero respect for you so stop being their maid...

Taddda · 30/12/2019 16:18

Its hardly a lie, she told you she wore it when you asked, girls try stuff on! They also like hot chocolate! I was expecting something like 'stole money/property/took car, disappeared for the night'....not 'drank all the hot chocolate' and 'tried my new top on'.....?

They're teenagers, the 'being told not to tell you stuff' by the ex is par of the course I'm afraid, not their fault, is quite unfair on them, I'd cut them some slack over it.

Do you miss your own children OP? That must be tough, have you seen them this Christmas?