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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lying ...

279 replies

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 15:28

Stepkids are staying.

Generally get on with them fine, they are 13 and 15, so I admit I struggle with two (moody) teenage girls, who can be a bit huffy and rude as my own children are now adults (and I probably more tolerant with my SK than I was with my own as I am cautious). I have been around for 10 years.

I try to stay out of things as much as possible and sometimes struggle with the strict rules DH tried to dictate to me and my own children are now non existent and he is an utter hypocrite - another story.

One bugbear I do have and I find unacceptable is lying. Both girls have always lied without thinking twice but they are also told not to tell us things by their mother or to lie to us about stuff so I do wonder if that boundary is blurred for them.

Yesterday we took them clothes shopping with Christmas money (their choice) and I bought myself a couple of tops (completely unlike anything they bought for themselves) and the tops were put into the shopping bag with their stuff.

This morning I remembered I hadn’t taken the tops and went into their room and asked if I could please have them out of the bag, DSD1 said “oh that black one and that grey one?” I said “yes”. They were both dressed.

I found one but not the other and thought “that’s a bit weird” and thought I’d ask DH when he got out of the shower.

Two minutes later DSD1 knocks on my door and says “this one” holding out the top which had no labels on it and was warm and had clearly been worn (DSD is taller and broader than me).

She said “yeah I found it under the bed” I said “really? It looks like it’s been worn to me - did you have it on?” “Yes” she said.

OH brushed it aside but what really pisses me off is the blatant lying. Fine if she made a mistake (I am unsure how) but don’t then lie about it.

I know this is a petty gripe but I am so sick of keeping my mouth shut.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 30/12/2019 17:02

So buy more milk and sugar. Again, a non issue.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/12/2019 17:03

Hopefully drinking hot chocolate means they’re laying off the tea and milk.

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 17:04

If she had said “oh sorry I have just realised I accidentally put your top on, give me a minute and I’ll take it off” I would have thought it was a genuine mistake, but she was wearing it under her jumper for several hours and I don’t know when she was planning on letting me know she had it and then realised I had noticed and lied.

It’s not a huge deal no, but this behaviour repeatedly, grates.

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Sssneks · 30/12/2019 17:04

It's only reasonable if you borrow someone else's property without asking and then damage it then you need to replace it. I don't think teenagers should be exempt from this.

So if she's stretched the top out and damaged it as a result, then she needs to buy you another one out of her own money.

I'd probably let the hot chocolate issue go, though.

Nicknacky · 30/12/2019 17:05

But that would have been a lie as she wasn’t accidentally wearing it? She clearly was worried about you finding out she had worn it and I would be asking myself why that was.

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 17:05

It was too bloody small for her and is now stretched and will need to be washed.

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Nicknacky · 30/12/2019 17:09

Wash it and see if it goes back to size and if not, tell her to replace it.

MirkwoodMiss · 30/12/2019 17:09

Right to be pissed off- I would be. There's no respect, just entitlement. If you wouldn't take it off your own kids- why the hell should you take it off his?

ffswhatnext · 30/12/2019 17:09

Another time, because I was fed up replacing stuff because of the ex, was introduce individual boxes, the same rule applied, when it was gone, tough shit it was gone.

Yes, I did that for petty reasons. He wasn't working, doing anything apart from eating everything in sight, then moan cos it was gone and it wasn't him.

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 17:10

I wouldn’t expect her to replace it.

OP posts:
wanderings · 30/12/2019 17:12

I was a teenager who got into huge spirals of lying, mostly about school work, because I was afraid of my parents' reaction. I also didn't want to tell them when I got good marks, because they would then start asking teachers to give me extra work if they thought I was good at a subject. I also had a habit of not telling them about any project I was thinking of doing until it was well underway, in case they tried to talk me out of it. My point is: overbearing responses can lead to teenage evasiveness. "She'll try to stop me" or "She'll do her nut if she finds out!"

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 17:14

I have never ever so much as raised my voice at her - and didn’t today.

I calmly and nicely said “please don’t lie to me DSD1”.

OP posts:
churchandstate · 30/12/2019 17:15

I think it should be a “we will buy one/whatever a month and when it’s gone it’s gone (my DS also lives here) but DH just replaces replaces replaces.

So it doesn’t run out, they aren’t your kids so their weight/teeth aren’t really your issue, and he pays for it?

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 17:15

We both pay for it, we have joint finances and a household budget.

OP posts:
churchandstate · 30/12/2019 17:16

So it’s the money? Can you afford it?

BorissGiantJohnson · 30/12/2019 17:17

Jesus Christ, she tried on a top, she's not selling crack. Get a grip.

Surplus2requirements · 30/12/2019 17:18

I'm a step parent, daughter (never called her step daughter) now flown the nest.

I'd have been mildly miffed about the new top but would have immediately praised fessing up. That's by far the most significant part of the tale.

The hot chocolate? Meh, you and husband need to work together to establish boundaries. Ideally not yours or his but a compromise you can both support. It's not the kids issue, they like It, they want it. That's normal.

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 17:19

I don’t think whether you can afford it has anything to do with it.

My son loves those Pepperoni sausages.

I buy x amount a week and that’s it.

When it’s gone until the next shop.

I don’t think it’s a good think for kids not to regulate themselves and just think there is a never ending supply of anything.

OP posts:
churchandstate · 30/12/2019 17:20

Okay, but given that they’re his children and not yours, it’s not really your problem, is it? I can see the top thing is very annoying, but I would let the hot chocolate thing go.

busybarbara · 30/12/2019 17:20

The hot chocolate thing initially made you sound like the sort of DSM to count how much toilet paper they’re using but if a 15 year old is fatter than a grown adult to stretch your top you’re right you to be concerned about her sugar intake tbh Confused

Winterdaysarehere · 30/12/2019 17:22

My dd's would never help themselves to my brand new stuff!!
Yabu to not have gone mad imo.
Tip toes because they aren't your dc.
Bet your dc would have been told off back in the day op.

MikeUniformMike · 30/12/2019 17:23

If my calculations are right, 750g of drinking chocolate is approx 42 cups of drinking chocolate and would use about 8.4 litres of milk.
For two young girls in 5 days.
That is an awful lot of hot chocolate. And OP says they add sugar to it.
I'd be pissed off if someone wore my brand new top too OP.

Nicknacky · 30/12/2019 17:23

Go mad because she wore a top? Total over reaction.

Surplus2requirements · 30/12/2019 17:24

Jesus Christ, she tried on a top, she's not selling crack. Get a grip

It's a slippery slope Grin

MrsBrentford · 30/12/2019 17:26

MikeUniformMike

I love you a little bit for calculating it Grin

Yes, it’s a lot.

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