AIBU. I might get a bashing for this but here goes

[Goinganonforthisone]

So im in a fairly healthy relationship or so i thought. My partner checked for a number on my phone and "accidently " saw my search history and came across a porn site. Now we're both adults, loyal and im a bit peeved that im having to explain myself like im a damn schoolgirl. Im angry actually as i don't see what's wrong with it and i don't mind him looking at it as long as we don't feel unfulfilled or cheating. He's sitting here now with a long face and refuses to talk because he asked what kind of porn do i search for and what else am i hiding!! I think its ok to keep harmless little "secrets" or guilty pleasures as long as it doesn't harm the relationship. AIBU?

He's entitled to find it unattractive that you watch porn and vice versa.

You're also entitled to find things unattractive in a partner that you do yourself.

It sounds like something where establishing proper and frank communication is needed about what is wrong and what is fair.

Wow there are a lot of puritanical people on here

Puritanical? To not enjoy watching vulnerable women being raped and tortured.

Here in Mexico, we have to keep a very close on our young girls because thousands go missing every year, being trafficked into prostitution and pornography.

As for voluntary participants, read some of the accounts of life as a porn star.

Those who support harmful porn often like to throw offensive expressions like 'puritanical' around to insult others who don't agree with harmful practices.

There have been so many revealing threads on MN into the extreme harm caused to women, mainly, but men also, and the harm it does directly to the young and their ability to properly connect sexually.

Many men can no longer achieve orgasm with a real woman because of porn. Its not puritanical, it harms peoples sexual responses and shapes identities of the opposite sex and whats ok and not ok. It removes boundaries.

I've never understood why people who are pro porn use assume that people who are against it are also anti sex. That it is about prudishness, not concern for the exploitation of participants and the wider effect on society. Is sex and porn genuinely inextricably linked in their minds?

I'll be honest, my not using porn stemmed originally from having no interest in it, despite loving sex, so it started v much as personal taste rather than a considered standpoint. I watched one clip of 2 women and a cucumber in about......1994. Didn't do anything for me. I have never understood how it's better for masturbation than imagination; I am the star of the show every time with that, not staring at strangers on a phone screen. So much better!
However as I've got older and become a much more committed feminist, I wouldn't go near it anyway, for all the reasons cited on the thread.

I'm not sure many would find it a turn on watching two women and cucumber to be fair. And I say that as someone who watches porn.

How can you tell that even the porn marked as “enthusiastic amateur” (for example) isn’t actually trafficked women, it’s not like they label it “trafficked/coerced”. Or that even if it was a real life couple, that both of them enthusiastically consent?

I enjoy porn in the form of the written word, and I have started to write my own so that I can reread stuff which exactly ticks my boxes, so to speak. On the rare occasion I want something visual, I might look up some 3D renders, or other pornographic artwork. No longer do I view anything involving a real person. Not since I read up on how the industry treats women.

That said, I’d be furious if my husband tried to control or dictate what was OK for me to look at. As it is, he knows what I like and he’s read some of what I’ve written (though I think my pegging story gave him the cold sweats 😂). But if he behaved like your husband - given his objections are not moral or ethical as he watches it himself - I’d be really pissed off.