AIBU. I might get a bashing for this but here goes

[Goinganonforthisone]

So im in a fairly healthy relationship or so i thought. My partner checked for a number on my phone and "accidently " saw my search history and came across a porn site. Now we're both adults, loyal and im a bit peeved that im having to explain myself like im a damn schoolgirl. Im angry actually as i don't see what's wrong with it and i don't mind him looking at it as long as we don't feel unfulfilled or cheating. He's sitting here now with a long face and refuses to talk because he asked what kind of porn do i search for and what else am i hiding!! I think its ok to keep harmless little "secrets" or guilty pleasures as long as it doesn't harm the relationship. AIBU?

@Goinganonforthisone He accidentally saw your search history? Yeah OK then!

No trust in this relationship at ALL. I would bail now.

Having said that, porn is fucking vile. How could you watch it?! Shame on you.

Porn is foul and could involve trafficked women and girls. If you are ok with that - crack on.

Agree with this

Get your tin hat on OP. MN does not like porn and you are Satan incarnate if you dare to suggest you watch it.

In an ideal world there would no grim side to porn and you’d be completely justified to enjoy it at your whim. But there is; so it’s difficult to condone.

Ha ha - the pearl clutchers on MN never watch porn !! Ever ( or even poo for that matter !)

But the steps involved in looking for a number and “accidentally” finding browser history and scrolling down as Im guessing it wasnt the last thing you looked at ..... nah .... he was spying in you and has found a reason to be annoyed with you ! What a prat !

He needs to grow up. You are not doing anything wrong and it should be private. We all have our guilty secrets lol

Laughing at, and mocking posters who think porn is foul, says a LOT about the people saying it.

Projecting much? Yep you are, because you know it's fucking vile.

Mumsnet is hysterical over porn.

Crack on. Most of us do it. I bet he does too.

most of us do/watch porn

Speak for yourself @Readthisearlier

The porn addicts on here, do seem desperate to insist that EVERYONE watches it.

No, they DON'T. So quit fucking peddling that bullshit, there's a love!

you are not being unreasonable ... if you were really being naughty and hiding it then you would have deleted it he is being silly and prob feeling a little insecure at you looking at another mans bits, he needs reassured your into him and that he satisfies you... sounds like your angry because youv been caught and dont want to explain yourself ... however i do not agree with secrets, they damage relationships even the smallest secret causes mistrust.. open up be honest and tell him you like porn and that youd like him to watch it with you.. i caught my hubby watching it and went down on him we still laugh to this day at the fear and delight in his eyes at the same time .. we have a healthy marriage been together 16 years and still fancy the pants off eachother go show him what you were watching and speak to eachother dont hide it as he will start looking for more things to be suspicious about then the arguments will start and its all over something silly .. good luck xx

Porn is foul? Really? Yes I'm sure some of it is, however not all of it is and the op shouldn't be made to feel she's done something wrong.

Crack on. Most of us do it

Some do it. Others absolutely hate it. Many people are extremely concerned about trafficked women and girls exposed to horrible situations within the industry.

Ha ha - the pearl clutchers on MN never watch porn

There are very real reasons people have a problem with porn. And 'pearl clutchers' is truly pathetic. It was amusing for about a week, 10 years ago.

Some people are very hostile to porn - this hostility tends to come from a place of stubborn, wilful ignorance and there is no point arguing with them. I think a nosy partner who feels entitled to police what you watch and try to shame you for being interested in porn is probably worse than someone who watches porn. But think about what your relationship is like generally - has he form for jealousy, snooping, pestering you about potential breaches of monogamy? Is he controlling? Is your sex life any good or does he have creepy hangups about women who enjoy sex?

@TigerOnATrain are you always so rude?

Tiger - calm down hun
No need for personal insults

I love porn
I flush my tampons in the toilet
I use plastic straws
I vote conservative
And I do everything else thats the anti christ on MN

Can the anti porn MN’s please stand up and tell us EXACTLY what they have done to combat the porn industry ? Who have they lobbied, what did that achieve, what is their next steps ?

Tiger you first as you seem particularly keen lol

There are three separate things in this I can see

looking at another persons phone - are you ok with that

you maybe have different opinions on porn and could do with talking about whether this is important or not and if it is how youre going to manage the differences

the relationship may benefit from better communicate (he sounds passive aggressive which can cause probs in a relationship)

Pornography is sexual exploitation captured on camera. I'd leave a partner in a heartbeat for getting off on that. This, however, doesn't seem to be your partners problem; his problem is that he feels betrayed. You clearly don't care that he feels betrayed. Another good reason for him to leave, in my book.

I think you should tell him directly that pornography is more important to you than his feelings, rather than signalling it with your actions. Some men need it spelled out for them, so spell it out and let him make his choices from there. Surely he has a right to make an informed decision about how he spends the rest of his life?

I would have been more annoyed that he was looking through your phone. Your search history has nothing to do with him and I’d be highly surprised that a red blooded male like your bf has never ‘stumbled’ upon a porn site in his life.

@Goinganonforthisone YANBU at all, and your partner should know better than go digging about on your phone.
I am a happily married, straight woman - who watches exclusively lesbian porn on a weekly basis. What I do in my own time is none of my husband's - or anyone's - business.
Carry on enjoying what you enjoy - your partner should be the one who is embarrassed, not you.

Each couple gets to set their own rules regarding porn. I’d sit down and discuss what your rules should be.

YANBU. Bloody go for it. I don’t see anything wrong

I am assuming you're a woman, op, but can't be certain. It's beyond me why any woman would watch porn but apparently some do. It has never been my thing nor my husband's and from what I've read, and seen doc on TV, it isn't realistic at all but young people watching it may get a warped idea of what a loving, sexual relationship is about. So I would say don't watch it.

Erotic, romantic literature is fine.

Some months ago I happened on a story which had an enormously long introduction, quite mysterious, but once it got going it turned out to be a pornographic story! It's easy to be drawn in. I deleted the link and the email from which it came (unknown sender), but did wonder how it all ended.

Yesterday (or day before) a poster on here started such a story - very similar to the one I came across - under the guise of being a post asking what she should do or something. Many of us were drawn into that! It was fascinating but I can't see it today, may have been removed.

Just be careful and try to find some more wholesome past times.

smallest secret causes mistrust.. open up be honest and tell him you like porn and that youd like him to watch it with you.. i caught my hubby watching it and went down on him we still laugh to this day at the fear and delight in his eyes at the same time*

I think I might actually be sick 🤢