AIBU. I might get a bashing for this but here goes

[Goinganonforthisone]

So im in a fairly healthy relationship or so i thought. My partner checked for a number on my phone and "accidently " saw my search history and came across a porn site. Now we're both adults, loyal and im a bit peeved that im having to explain myself like im a damn schoolgirl. Im angry actually as i don't see what's wrong with it and i don't mind him looking at it as long as we don't feel unfulfilled or cheating. He's sitting here now with a long face and refuses to talk because he asked what kind of porn do i search for and what else am i hiding!! I think its ok to keep harmless little "secrets" or guilty pleasures as long as it doesn't harm the relationship. AIBU?

Helm, so objecting to the mistreatment of women, not only through trafficking but also by the very violent nature of porn is prudish.

I suppose my objections to torture and kidnapping are also a might prudish too.

Quite apart from the issue of the nature of porn, what exactly is his objection, OP? And have neither of you ever discussed porn before?

I don't think the op's partner was pissed off because he's concerned about the women in the porn videos. So all this arguing about the porn industry doesn't actually have anything to do with the op's relationship issue.

Why does he care?? My husband would be thrilled!!

Morning everyone. Long absence due to time difference

Any adjusted male would not have an issue with this and would more likely to be pleased by such a discovery.

Tell him to fuck off and grow up.

So now you know he checks your phone, what will you do about that?

I think its ok to keep harmless little "secrets" or guilty pleasures as long as it doesn't harm the relationship. AIBU
Obviously your idea of "harmless" differs to your partner's. This has clearly harmed your relationship. There is nothing wrong with you having porn on your phone but it shouldn't be a secret. I think that secrets in a relationship are always harmful.

Oh for heavens sake @envelopeofpubes. All men don’t look at porn. That’s a ridiculous statement. I’m sure many men do but to say it’s every man is ridiculous. Even setting aside the ethical issues involved you are ignoring the very basic fact that we are all different and not everyone is aroused by porn.

@Yeahnah2020 love this response

Oh ffs not every porn video made is abuse or made by trafficked humans! It might shock some people that some people actually voluntarily work in the porn industry.

If you have a healthy sex life then fuck his OP. I watch porn sometimes and I damn well enjoy it.

I've only read a few responses so far but will answer as much as i can. To someone who asked, yes he told me once he looks, im a secure confident woman so no issues with that. Someone else mentioned trafficking, while i obviously find human trafficking disturbing i highly doubt most of these actresses are 'victims '. That's absurd

I spoke of secrets. For goodness sake, im not talking of anything scandalous. Im talking of having a secret glass of expensive whiskey in your den, or treating yourself to an over priced slice of cake, or a secret stash of chocolates, etc. That sort of thing

@sameasiteverwasantiques thanks:)

And yes, we chatted about it in a fun way a few times. Im aware he's always looked at it but didn't realise i had to mention it to him. Like, ' oh by the way, i look at porn today'. Really?

@birdsdestiny that's hilarious hahahaha

I do think you need to make sure you're aware of the exploitation involved in most porn, but I also think your boyfriend is a sexist hypocrite as he watches it himself.

Adults should not dictate the wanking habits of other adults. That’s the long and the short of it.

Ok here's what happened. I really don't know how to explain this but if i don't clear my history it can 'pop up' so he didn't look in my history per se, he opened the phone book and the site popped up because i didn't clear it. Then he said, ' oh ' and mentioned the name of the site and looked at me. I giggled and blushed and he didn't find it funny and asked since when do i visit that site. Its not that he asked that's annoying. The way he carried on was like being a teen at home again with my father:(

Radardodgingninga Sun 29-Dec-19 08:29:26
Oh for heavens sake @envelopeofpubes. All men don’t look at porn. That’s a ridiculous statement. I’m sure many men do but to say it’s every man is ridiculous. Even setting aside the ethical issues involved you are ignoring the very basic fact that we are all different and not everyone is aroused by porn.
...
I agree with that.

If he watches it as well then he's a twat and has no right to judge or lecture you.

@Helmlover1 hahaha oh i Love it!

This thread is so depressing and a perfect example of how people will put their heads in the sand to pretend that something is not happening because it might impinge on their enjoyment.

The truth is that porn is a harmful, hideous industry and the mocking and abuse of those women pointing this out is proof that the porn watchers know this - they just don't care.

We have become a society of avid porn watchers since the rise of the internet and it is now normalised as this thread shows. I remember when it wasn't. Those who object are 'prudes' or 'pearl clutchers' rather than women who care about the exploitation of women and children

The choosy choice 'sex positive', pro-prostitution women who label themselves feminsts whilst falling over themselves to (literally) suck dick would be so proud of you all.

I am fucking disgusted.

If for every 5 apparent Millionaire Actresses there is just one young woman forced, coerced or trafficked into porn then that is unacceptable.

And whilst there are other jobs where men, women and kids are trafficked we could start another about those. This threads about porn and no one is saying the other is ok.

This is about an industry which makes millions on many, many women and girls being raped, abused and humiliated so you can have a wank.

My mind boggles that so many are ok with that.

kosh as said upthread, no one, including those who watch porn, is disputing the fact that there is a dark side to porn, which includes trafficking and exploitation, but this does not include all porn. The same can be said of pretty well any industry - foodstuffs like chocolate and coffee for example.

Btw, if the OP had been watching gay porn, or porn from an ethical website, would that be ok? How about watching couples that posted an amateur online video of themselves having fun? How about porn made by feminists?

Thanks to the OP for posting again. Unfortunately when someone only posts once, assumptions are made and on this subject in particular, some Mnetters canl be at their judgiest. I tend to go with freedom of choice - informed choice. Luckily you are a secure, confident woman, so I hope he’s managed to get over himself 😀

This is about an industry which makes millions on many, many women and girls being raped, abused and humiliated so you can have a wank

The cognitive dissonance required to know this and yet watch it anyway is quite something. Grim.