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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU. I might get a bashing for this but here goes

206 replies

Goinganonforthisone · 28/12/2019 19:39

So im in a fairly healthy relationship or so i thought. My partner checked for a number on my phone and "accidently " saw my search history and came across a porn site. Now we're both adults, loyal and im a bit peeved that im having to explain myself like im a damn schoolgirl. Im angry actually as i don't see what's wrong with it and i don't mind him looking at it as long as we don't feel unfulfilled or cheating. He's sitting here now with a long face and refuses to talk because he asked what kind of porn do i search for and what else am i hiding!! I think its ok to keep harmless little "secrets" or guilty pleasures as long as it doesn't harm the relationship. AIBU?

OP posts:
Millymollymandybestie · 28/12/2019 22:25

For the posters concerned about trafficking, you can easily find porn that is clearly not involved in that. In Twitter there are plenty of husband and wives making homemade porn which is clear to see it is a personal account and amateur

Creepster · 28/12/2019 22:29

Porn is a deal breaker for most decent human beings.
Secret porn watching is a trust buster.

Iggleonkupsy · 28/12/2019 22:31

I hate how a lot of mumsnetters are so dead set against porn and make out like those of us who watch it are terrible people. If you don't watch it then you can't comment. There are plenty of verified pornstars who are NOT being trafficked. End of story. Do your research instead of spouting nonsense and tarring the whole industry with the same brush. It is reasons like this that made me feel embarrassed that I liked watching porn, until one drunken evening with a bunch of friends we discovered in a group of about 22 friends, all the men watched porn and only about 2 of the women didn't watch porn. Of those 2, I know one of them went on to try watching after realising how many do watch.
Get off your high horse and stop spouting nonsense.
You are allowed to not watch it but don't be so mean to people who do watch it.

Iggleonkupsy · 28/12/2019 22:32

creep I disagree with your statement..out of 447 people who have done the survey, 78% of people so far think op is not being unreasonable.

NeckPainChairSearch · 28/12/2019 22:39

There are plenty of verified pornstars who are NOT being trafficked. End of story

What story? That some porn actors aren't being trafficked?

What 'nonsense' is being spouted? That there are trafficked women in porn? Are you claiming that's 'nonsense?' Seriously?

People either give a shit about that or they decide that it's 'nonsense.'

Frankly, I have zero respect for people who willfully look the other way on such things.

Creepster · 28/12/2019 22:41

It is very simple.
If you get off on the rape torture and abuse of women in pron you are not a decent human being.
The fact that you think it perfectly normal to masturbate to the rape torture and abuse of women in porn should tell you something about yourself.

Iggleonkupsy · 28/12/2019 22:41

I think you've misunderstood. I'm not arguing that there aren't people being trafficked at all. But don't assume that us who watch porn are watching that stuff. I know what to look for in terms of verified pornstars.

Iggleonkupsy · 28/12/2019 22:42

I don't watch 'rape, torture or abuse' thank you.

Creepster · 28/12/2019 22:43

Yes, you do.

Hadenoughofitall441 · 28/12/2019 22:45

If that happened to me my DP would be pissed I didn’t watch it with him. I don’t see how it’s a betrayal it’s only porn. I feel like he needs to grow up a bit

NeckPainChairSearch · 28/12/2019 22:45

The porn industry is harmful to women. Period.

Iggleonkupsy · 28/12/2019 22:45

So are you telling me, if myself and a partner chose to film ourselves having sex and posted it on a porn site that people are watching me being raped abused and tortured?!

doadeer · 28/12/2019 22:49

Isn't lots of porn now amateur couples uploading their videos themselves?

Iggleonkupsy · 28/12/2019 22:50

Yes it is doadeer
This is my argument. I hate that people are stating facts which are actually incorrect.

9ofpentangles · 28/12/2019 22:52

Hey fella, welcome to Mumsnet

doadeer · 28/12/2019 22:54

I think there are actually many sites now that cater specifically for women now too right?

Is lesbian porn also exploitative and feeding the rape culture? I know many women watch this

NeckPainChairSearch · 28/12/2019 22:58

I hate that people are stating facts which are actually incorrect

Which facts?

bridgetreilly · 28/12/2019 22:59

I think its ok to keep harmless little "secrets" or guilty pleasures as long as it doesn't harm the relationship.

And now that it is harming your relationship?

Millymollymandybestie · 28/12/2019 23:00

Yes doadear that was in comment also - there seems like people think it’s so black and white when it isn’t. There are also porn stars which blatantly are not traffjced - Jemma jamason, Sophie Dee, Eva Angelina to name a few ( there is a much older lady aswell but can’t think of her name)

NeckPainChairSearch · 28/12/2019 23:01

Isn't lots of porn now amateur couples uploading their videos themselves?

This is part of the industry. However, there's still plenty of exploitative, violent porn being made using trafficked and vulnerable women.

Bubs101 · 28/12/2019 23:02

to me porn isn't a deal breaker. I'd be a bit cheesed off if he was watching it all the time, but every now and again i wouldn't mind.

doadeer · 28/12/2019 23:04

It's just the OP didn't specify what she was watching so I'm not sure the immediate reaction should be to assume what she was watching is the dark part of the industry which we would all agree is horrendous.

TSSDNCOP · 28/12/2019 23:04

Ha ha - the pearl clutchers on MN never watch porn !! Ever ( or even poo for that matter !)

Jesus are you 10?

Creepster · 28/12/2019 23:07

If you listened to any of the exited women you could never watch it again.

Jellybeansincognito · 28/12/2019 23:12

When I’m in a relationship with someone they are still allowed their own private life.
Porn is in this- I couldn’t care less if my partner watches porn when alone.

Why is this an issue? Unless they’re watching something of an abusive nature or have an addiction?