AIBU. I might get a bashing for this but here goes

[Goinganonforthisone]

So im in a fairly healthy relationship or so i thought. My partner checked for a number on my phone and "accidently " saw my search history and came across a porn site. Now we're both adults, loyal and im a bit peeved that im having to explain myself like im a damn schoolgirl. Im angry actually as i don't see what's wrong with it and i don't mind him looking at it as long as we don't feel unfulfilled or cheating. He's sitting here now with a long face and refuses to talk because he asked what kind of porn do i search for and what else am i hiding!! I think its ok to keep harmless little "secrets" or guilty pleasures as long as it doesn't harm the relationship. AIBU?

TSS oh dear, you haven’t a clue, do you - better to just condemn all porn then I guess rather than do some informed research. 🤷‍♀️

Helm...steady on there 😮🤣

And as they say, those that need to talk about it. Perhaps if you found a nice person to have a relationship with you’d feel happier in your life.

For me helm it's not a snowflakey nature its just a matter of practicality. The men who use porn are always terrible in bed.

Well this thread is really something popcorn eating intensifies

I have a long term partner of 6 years and we both enjoy it. What about you TSS? What gets you going? Do share with the group! I’m genuinely intrigued, I bet you’re a feisty little devil! Are you into whips and chains?

not just the men birds

"The men who use porn are always terrible in bed."

Men who use porn, a, lot, in isolation from a real sex life, are terrible in bed.

Men who use it alongside a healthy sex life, their sexual prowess isn't affected.

TSS- what, the women who watch porn are terrible in bed too? How would you know?

I am totally cool in a world where I don’t need porn. I’m cool with knowing I don’t exploit or make excuses for men that exploit women. I’m cool without watching someone else’s double anal penetration for my own amusement. I’m cool without needing to be unpleasantly aggressive with people that don’t agree with me. I just don’t feel that level of spite and need to overpower. Do you think that’s what watching the sort of porn you are so familiar with does to you?

I’m cool without needing to be unpleasantly aggressive with people that don’t agree with me

Really? Your discussion has been primarily centred around doing this rather than any decent debate

Whether he's right or wrong to be upset depends on two thing:

1.whether he watches it himself. If he does he has no right to have a go at you.

1. What his reason for being upset is. If he doesn't like porn because of the exploitation of women, the abuse they encounter, the effect it has in real life in relationships and abuse (like most women that are against it ) fair enough. If he's upset because his male ego is threatened,he should be enough for you, how dare you enjoy or find find pleasure without him bla bla bla then he can go fuck himself.

Are you 14?

Big trafficker of women are nail bars. Yet many women use those without batting an eyelid.

I don’t watch porn either as there’s no way to know who’s in it voluntarily.

OMG I can’t cope with this thread. People would honestly leave their partner over watching porn occasionally? Grow up honestly

YANBU. It's just porn. Bet he watches it too. Sounds weirdly controlling to be snooping about in your phone like that. FYI, try opening an ingognito tab next time 😉

@Helmlover1
Your responses have made my evening. Pure perfection.
I couldn’t agree more

Nothing wrong with legal porn from a legal consenting website. I watch it more than my H . Your DH is being unfair - crack on if that's ur thing.

@Goinganonforthisone

As you can see from this thread, porn is a very divided issue. I think you need to have a chat with your partner about this.

To be honest I'm quite surprised that two people in a relationship would be so far apart on this issue. It might mean that you two have a very different outlook on life and that this relationship isn't going to last.

Also, I totally agree with PPs who have pointed out that he was snooping - his story about looking for a phone number doesn't even make sense. So before the porn chat I would definitely want to have a chat about this as well! Huge breach of trust. I would be very pissed off.

Why does everyone assume OP watches porn? It could just as easily be written erotica, which doesn't exploit anyone.

Because she called it a "porn site" ?

There is no way someone checking for a phone number could "accidentally" stumble on internet search history. In your shoes, OP, I'd start worrying both about the fact that your partner was snooping and that he blatantly lied about it.

Lots of written erotica on websites, @PanicAndRun.

Once again OP herself called it porn, not erotica,not stories. She also said she wouldn't mind him looking at it. Not reading it.

I mean it's not that big a deal really, so if it matters that much to you, yeah sure it's written erotica why not?

Porn is abusive. If you are fine with that, live with it. Don’t expect your lover to be okay with it. I wouldn’t.

Again, the assumption that he disapproves of porn, instead of being horrified that she may be a sexual being without him there to flip a switch on.

But she (if it's a she) hasn't come back, which makes me wonder whether this whole thread isn't the motivator for a weird fap...

yeah sure it's written erotica why not?

As I said, this would mean all the outrage about women being exploited is misconceived.