AIBU to expect AC to contribute to xmas?
Sandygran · 28/12/2019 16:37
We've just had my adult daughter, her husband and 3 children staying for 5 nights over Christmas.
We provided all the food and drink for all of us for every meal, including the Christmas dinner of course. They were welcome to it and it was lovely to have them. It wasn't until they had gone that I thought "Gosh, when we used to say with my in-laws when our kids were young, we would provide the turkey and take drinks with us and we only stayed one night!"
Have times changed or should they have made a contribution or at least offered to take us out for a meal one night? (They are well off btw , and could easily afford to contribute).
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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Mustbetimeforachange · 28/12/2019 16:47
My in laws never bring anything, or offer, and I think it's rude. My parents always provided the turkey & I used to thank them over lunch publicly. The in laws didn't seem to think of it even then. Once they had some wine in their room (I saw it there when I went in with towels while they were out). They took it home again so presumably the catering wasn't up to scratch
LakieLady · 28/12/2019 16:48
I wouldn't dream of turning up as a dinner guest without bringing something, and if staying for a few nights I would bring shedloads of booze and take my hosts out for a meal on one night of my stay.
When we get invited to friends to eat, we usually take wine, a nice gin or an unusual liquer, chocs and flowers. I was brought up to believe that it's rude to turn up empty handed.
FineWordsForAPorcupine · 28/12/2019 16:49
If it bothers you, just say "it would be great if you could could bring a Christmas cake /three bottles of fizz for Christmas morning / cheese and biscuits / etc" next year.
I offered to cook one night while I was with my folks this year, but I wouldn't just show up with something random. I'd ask and plan in advance so that everyone knew what was already taken care of.
MsVestibule · 28/12/2019 16:49
Even when, as a single person, I went just for Christmas Day to my parents, I always took a large Christmas cake. YANBU to expect them to contribute in some way. Next year, ask them to bring the puddings (that's what I do now), in a non-apologetic way.
And one of them should be helping prepare the meal - it doesn't take two adults to look after three children!
FreeButtonBee · 28/12/2019 16:50
I sent two 12 bottle cases of wine ahead of me this Christmas - we’ve stayed for 9 days and I’ve tried to pay for things when out and about (which is almost impossible with my parents 🙄) but shows willingness. Also done a lot of cooking and washing up and laundry.
CherryPavlova · 28/12/2019 16:52
Mine don’t bring anything unless I specifically ask. This year one bought her fiancé and two separate friends who were unable to reach their families. One of those did bring a bottle of Tat but that’s the only contribution from anyone.
I don’t mind. I like them coming home. We’re not struggling and I enjoy the planning etc. I know if I gave them a list, they don’t bring things but as it’s still their family home, I wouldn’t expect anything that made them feel like polite guests.
bbcessex · 28/12/2019 16:52
That would really rankle with me, OP.
It's really bad manners. You may be the parents but they're still being hosted.
Even if they don't have much disposable income, wine & chocolates or suitable equivalents are the minimum they should do.
Do they buy you good Christmas presents?
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