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AIBU to expect AC to contribute to xmas?

331 replies

Sandygran · 28/12/2019 16:37

We've just had my adult daughter, her husband and 3 children staying for 5 nights over Christmas.
We provided all the food and drink for all of us for every meal, including the Christmas dinner of course. They were welcome to it and it was lovely to have them. It wasn't until they had gone that I thought "Gosh, when we used to say with my in-laws when our kids were young, we would provide the turkey and take drinks with us and we only stayed one night!"
Have times changed or should they have made a contribution or at least offered to take us out for a meal one night? (They are well off btw , and could easily afford to contribute).

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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chocolatesaltyballs22 · 28/12/2019 16:39

They should have made some sort of contribution. I went to my brother's on Xmas day (didn't stay) and took cheese, prosecco, wine & gin. Wouldn't dream of turning up empty handed when others have clearly spent a lot on food and drink.


NoMorePoliticsPlease · 28/12/2019 16:39

No I dont expect my 4 adult children wives and children to provide anything. If they choose to bring a foodie gift or wine, lovely, but expect? Absolutely not


Winterdaysarehere · 28/12/2019 16:39

We had adult dc visiting. All contributed to a very large turkey..
Maybe next year suggest you all eat at a restaurant...
If they say it's too expensive offer to feed them for half that price - and mean it!!


LIZS · 28/12/2019 16:40

Did you ask them to bring anything, like pudding/cheese board? Did they help prepare or cook?


NoMorePoliticsPlease · 28/12/2019 16:41

Never expect gratitude, delight in their company. A nice thank you. If you have expectations you will slide towards the martyr, not nice. I assume they muck in with washing up clearing the table


PennyGold · 28/12/2019 16:42

I always bring food/ drinks to my mums if she's cooking, despite her not asking us to.
I think she's rude.


Sandygran · 28/12/2019 16:43

No, I didn't ask. As I say, it didn't really occur to me until later. They didn't help with any preparation or cooking, but then they had the kids (aged 8-3) to look after.

OP posts:

mumonthehill · 28/12/2019 16:43

Whenever we have been at my parents for Christmas Day I always took wine, cheese and nibbles. Even if we pop over for supper I take a bottle, it is just simple manners to take something to the host.


PrimalLass · 28/12/2019 16:44

It was very rude of them. They should have at least bought wine etc.


LittleTinselTown · 28/12/2019 16:45

I would always want to contribute something so I think she's rude.


MaMisled · 28/12/2019 16:46

My DD is a student but came home for 10 days with a big bag full of specially bought essentials to contribute! Coffee, toilet rolls, fruit, toothpaste, teabags, cheese, bread etc. Yes, they SHOULD contribute, its just plain good manners!


Mustbetimeforachange · 28/12/2019 16:47

My in laws never bring anything, or offer, and I think it's rude. My parents always provided the turkey & I used to thank them over lunch publicly. The in laws didn't seem to think of it even then. Once they had some wine in their room (I saw it there when I went in with towels while they were out). They took it home again so presumably the catering wasn't up to scratch Confused


VisionQuest · 28/12/2019 16:47

Yes it's rude.

They should have brought something to drink at the very least.

I would never turn up somewhere empty handed and neither would any of my family.


LakieLady · 28/12/2019 16:48

I wouldn't dream of turning up as a dinner guest without bringing something, and if staying for a few nights I would bring shedloads of booze and take my hosts out for a meal on one night of my stay.

When we get invited to friends to eat, we usually take wine, a nice gin or an unusual liquer, chocs and flowers. I was brought up to believe that it's rude to turn up empty handed.


FineWordsForAPorcupine · 28/12/2019 16:49

If it bothers you, just say "it would be great if you could could bring a Christmas cake /three bottles of fizz for Christmas morning / cheese and biscuits / etc" next year.

I offered to cook one night while I was with my folks this year, but I wouldn't just show up with something random. I'd ask and plan in advance so that everyone knew what was already taken care of.


MsVestibule · 28/12/2019 16:49

Even when, as a single person, I went just for Christmas Day to my parents, I always took a large Christmas cake. YANBU to expect them to contribute in some way. Next year, ask them to bring the puddings (that's what I do now), in a non-apologetic way.

And one of them should be helping prepare the meal - it doesn't take two adults to look after three children!


AhNowTed · 28/12/2019 16:49

When we stayed with my PILs over Xmas, we'd bring stuff the kids liked, and at least 2 bottles of wine every evening. Plus a gift of flowers and spirits.

We would also reciprocate the hospitality.


FreeButtonBee · 28/12/2019 16:50

I sent two 12 bottle cases of wine ahead of me this Christmas - we’ve stayed for 9 days and I’ve tried to pay for things when out and about (which is almost impossible with my parents 🙄) but shows willingness. Also done a lot of cooking and washing up and laundry.


Danascully2 · 28/12/2019 16:50

When we stay with my relative (not for Christmas) I always pay for a supermarket online order. We fly or train to get there so it's tricky to take stuff with us.


TuppenceDarling · 28/12/2019 16:51

Dat you mum?


CherryPavlova · 28/12/2019 16:52

Mine don’t bring anything unless I specifically ask. This year one bought her fiancé and two separate friends who were unable to reach their families. One of those did bring a bottle of Tat but that’s the only contribution from anyone.
I don’t mind. I like them coming home. We’re not struggling and I enjoy the planning etc. I know if I gave them a list, they don’t bring things but as it’s still their family home, I wouldn’t expect anything that made them feel like polite guests.


bbcessex · 28/12/2019 16:52

That would really rankle with me, OP.

It's really bad manners. You may be the parents but they're still being hosted.

Even if they don't have much disposable income, wine & chocolates or suitable equivalents are the minimum they should do.

Do they buy you good Christmas presents?


drivingtofrance · 28/12/2019 16:53

Guests should always take some contribution to the meals or a least a gift.

Whether they are your children or not.


Thehop · 28/12/2019 16:54

I think they were very rude.


Frenchw1fe · 28/12/2019 16:55

We had 3 days with dd and her dp. I gave £50 towards food, made a Xmas cake, supplied 4 bottles of wine and 2 tins of quality street. It's just good manners, Xmas is expensive.

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