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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this be rude when I have guests?

202 replies

Rose789 · 27/12/2019 20:01

Dh’s cousin, wife and kids are staying with us for a week. Lovely family we both invited them and are thrilled they are here.
The only thing is I am knackered after a few late nights and early mornings. We hosted Christmas Day for 14 people, yesterday was spent at family parties, today we’ve been out and about all day with them. I’ve reached my limit of people for the day and just want to unwind and retreat into myself a bit.
I told dh when we were putting the kids to bed that I was going to have a long bath with all my new stuff and an early night to have a chance to recharge. He thinks that would be very rude and that the guests will think that I don’t want them there if I disappear upstairs.

Sitting downstairs dreaming of the red hot bath I could be having with all my new bath products. With a new book I got and can’t wait to read and then put on my new comfy pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers. While everyone rehashes the same conversations we’ve already had and opens another bottle of wine.

Ps: I would 100% tell them what I was doing and why I wouldn’t just disappear.
There are 3 bathrooms so if anyone else fancied a bath and an early night they also could.
And all of the kids are in bed, and fingers crossed will stay there they are all as shattered as I am

YABU- it would be rude
YANBU- get yourself in that bath and have an early night

OP posts:
TheresWaldo · 27/12/2019 20:04

Definitely rude. It would be better to just claim that you need an early night than disappear for most of the evening.

Jrkrbeuiw · 27/12/2019 20:06

Not rude at all! As a guest I’d be THRILLED to have permission to retreat with a book

user1473878824 · 27/12/2019 20:06

I’d find that really rude to be honest OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/12/2019 20:06

I don't think it's rude at all. Tell them you need an early night so you'll be recharged for a lovely day tomorrow. You're not abandoning them, for goodness sake. They are adults who can take care of themselves for an evening. I think your husband is being ridiculous.

Minky35 · 27/12/2019 20:07

It’s a little rude but I completely understand why you want to do it.

happystory · 27/12/2019 20:07

I'd long to do it too, but I think it's rude yes

Redcherries · 27/12/2019 20:07

Op said she would tell her guests what she was doing @TheresWaldo

I don’t think it would be wrong op, get some rest.

Sexnotgender · 27/12/2019 20:07

If you did it every night they are staying that would be rude. This once to recharge is totally fine, they’re probably knackered too.

halcyondays · 27/12/2019 20:08

It’s not rude. Any time I’ve stayed with family we haven’t all sat on top of each other the whole time. Especially if they’re there for a week.

The guests might also be ready for some respite themselves.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 27/12/2019 20:09

A weeks' hosting is too long.
How much is DH pitching in here or is it all just left down to you?

HollowTalk · 27/12/2019 20:09

I would definitely do this. I'd just say you're knackered and fancy a bath and an early night. It's hard work being with the same people for a week - they might be glad of a bit of time to themselves without your DH, too as well.

coconuttelegraph · 27/12/2019 20:09

I don't think that's rude, adult guests would be ruder to expect you to run yourself into the ground for them. As long as you explain nicely I don't see a problem at all

Mumdiva99 · 27/12/2019 20:09

If they are there for a week not rude at all.

JasonPollack · 27/12/2019 20:10

I think that's fine. Be different if they were only here one night but you've six others to spend with them! Probably your husband doesn't want to host on his own.

Sexnotgender · 27/12/2019 20:10

Honestly I’d rather someone did that than was clearly knackered.

Was at DHs family a few months back, they had people over for dinner and we were having a lovely leisurely meal. BIL has arrived that morning after a long flight and rather than excuse himself and go to bed he tried to rush us all through dessert and stropped about.

64sNewName · 27/12/2019 20:11

I wouldn’t think you were rude, not for a second. But I’d be longing for a bit of time out too.

Willow2017 · 27/12/2019 20:11

Of course its not rude. Adults dont need both op and her dh babysitting them 24/7.
Go for it op I would feel.awful if my hostess was shattered and wanted a bit of a relax and an early night but was afraid of offending me.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 27/12/2019 20:11

You hosted FOURTEEN people for Christmas Day? Hell, I’d need a week off after that. Respect.

Dipsydoodle · 27/12/2019 20:11

Not rude at all! They're there for a week, not just one night. Do it and enjoy!

ShinyGiratina · 27/12/2019 20:12

They're there for a week, it's reasonable to have some quiet relaxing time. If it was only one or two nights, that would be different.

Just as long as other toilet facilities are avaliable Grin

gumpforestgump · 27/12/2019 20:12

Can you claim an ailment? eg a sore back and you might go soak it in the bath, as it usually fixes it. Then ask if anyone minds ;) they’ll say no!

steakandmantoo · 27/12/2019 20:12

No you are not being rude. They are adults - I'm sure they can be entertained by your dh? Sounds like he wants you to do all the hosting.

Enjoy your bath and early night, it sounds like you deserve it.

PianoTuner567 · 27/12/2019 20:13

This is a know your audience issue. Some people I know would be fine with this, some would think it’s rude. How well do you know them?

TheCanyon · 27/12/2019 20:13

Not rude at all. You crack on.

BloodyCats · 27/12/2019 20:14

I would be over the moon with that as a guest, I’d probably take the chance to do the same.

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