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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this be rude when I have guests?

202 replies

Rose789 · 27/12/2019 20:01

Dh’s cousin, wife and kids are staying with us for a week. Lovely family we both invited them and are thrilled they are here.
The only thing is I am knackered after a few late nights and early mornings. We hosted Christmas Day for 14 people, yesterday was spent at family parties, today we’ve been out and about all day with them. I’ve reached my limit of people for the day and just want to unwind and retreat into myself a bit.
I told dh when we were putting the kids to bed that I was going to have a long bath with all my new stuff and an early night to have a chance to recharge. He thinks that would be very rude and that the guests will think that I don’t want them there if I disappear upstairs.

Sitting downstairs dreaming of the red hot bath I could be having with all my new bath products. With a new book I got and can’t wait to read and then put on my new comfy pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers. While everyone rehashes the same conversations we’ve already had and opens another bottle of wine.

Ps: I would 100% tell them what I was doing and why I wouldn’t just disappear.
There are 3 bathrooms so if anyone else fancied a bath and an early night they also could.
And all of the kids are in bed, and fingers crossed will stay there they are all as shattered as I am

YABU- it would be rude
YANBU- get yourself in that bath and have an early night

OP posts:
GiftedFish · 27/12/2019 20:42

YANBU. As a guest I would appreciate that as a host you'd put in alot of effort. Just a simple explanation of needing a little recharging would be enough for me. And would put me at ease thinking I could do the same. Go for it I say.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 27/12/2019 20:44

Wonderful!

bugsnfonzmama · 27/12/2019 20:45

Not rude at all!

andyjusthangingaround · 27/12/2019 20:47

@Rose789
you have an amazing relative - All hail DHs cousins wife! You are a STAR Flowers

1Morewineplease · 27/12/2019 20:47

You shouldn’t have hosted for so long. Yes it would seem a tad rude. I’ll bet your guests are feeling the same too.
Wait until they’ve all gone then you’ll not feel guilty.
You’ll enjoy it all the more.

Wheresthebeach · 27/12/2019 20:49

That’s hilarious! Enjoy...both of you.

Palavah · 27/12/2019 20:50

Yay! Enjoy your bubbles.

If I were a guest I think I'd love permission to slope off quietly for a few hours after several days together.

Winterwoollies · 27/12/2019 20:53

I wouldn’t find it rude! If I was your guest and you’d been doing all that and hosting me, I’d tell you to go for it and offer to draw the bath for you! You crack on.

northernlittledonkey · 27/12/2019 20:53

Certainly not rude, tell them you’re tired & go for it.

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 27/12/2019 20:53

I don't know which way to vote. It's rude, but I can understand why you'd want to do it.

Ashleigh1696 · 27/12/2019 20:53

I don't think it's rude. If they are there for a few days and your tired im side one early night wouldnt be so bad.

Egghead68 · 27/12/2019 20:54

Hooray for your cousin’s wife! Enjoy your baths!

carly2803 · 27/12/2019 20:55

can your hubbynot talk tothem?!

go have that bath OP!!

i bet they will be happy to slob on the sofa - if they are staying for a week surely they are fairly close family, so i would expect this to not be rude!

Doggybiccys · 27/12/2019 20:56

YANBU.

There for one night -rude
There a week - not rude

Enjoyb

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 27/12/2019 20:56

It’s ruder not to read the whole post @1Morewineplease or at the very least the OP’s updates!

spingly · 27/12/2019 20:56

Because he's told his knackered wife that having a bath and a rest is rude! He could just support her and 'host' himself rather than make her feel rude enough that she feels the need to post on here!

But just imagine he's equally hosted, is equally knackered and thinks I'm having to carry on though....... of course very few on mumsnet would like to believe this possible, he's obviously not at fault somehow. He's now just allowed an opinion, which some MNers agree with.

Excellent post OP with excellent result!

Bluewavescrashing · 27/12/2019 20:56

I couldn't host for a week or stay with family for a week. Far too long. We've been away for 2 nights (different houses each night but close together in distance). It was very enjoyable but I'm thrilled to be back home today.

Namethecat · 27/12/2019 20:58

I've almost had the opposite . Had been staying at someone's and sleeping on the sofa.
Was desperate to go to sleep , but everyone has been staying up very , very late to continue to eat /drink .
I need more sleep !

Savingforarainyday · 27/12/2019 20:59

Let's all applaud the cousins wife...
You are awesome
👏💎

StarlingsInSummer · 27/12/2019 21:03

We’ve had guests since Christmas Eve and tonight I retreated to bed at 5ish! I’ve got a bad cold so that was my excuse, but partly I just needed some peace and quiet.

bluesteakandcheese · 27/12/2019 21:05

I'd personally be absolutely fine with this as a guest and would take the opportunity to have some down time myself!
Get yourself a nice hot bath, as long as your guests are aware you're not intentionally avoiding them then I don't see the problem.

nettie434 · 27/12/2019 21:06

Thanks everyone I’m off to look like a boiled lobster

Was about to suggest that it is not remotely rude at all and gives guests an opportunity for an early night too if they want. Perfect result! Am sure you will enjoy rest of stay even more when you get up refreshed tomorrow

olivertwistwantsmore · 27/12/2019 21:08

It's your husbands cousin and family! He can surely host them this evening?

Make sure he's doing his share of cooking and cleaning, and enjoy your bath!

ScrimshawTheSecond · 27/12/2019 21:16

Not rude at all. Sounds very sensible.

billy1966 · 27/12/2019 21:16

Certainly not rude.
Most people can only keep up that level of chatting and looking after people for 2 days. There is absolutely nothing rude about telling everyone you need an early night and help yourself.
You are human.
No matter how much you love any visitors, most of us can only keep it up for so long.
I certainly wouldn't think it was rude and would be like your cousin's wife and be delighted with an early night and a book.

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