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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this be rude when I have guests?

202 replies

Rose789 · 27/12/2019 20:01

Dh’s cousin, wife and kids are staying with us for a week. Lovely family we both invited them and are thrilled they are here.
The only thing is I am knackered after a few late nights and early mornings. We hosted Christmas Day for 14 people, yesterday was spent at family parties, today we’ve been out and about all day with them. I’ve reached my limit of people for the day and just want to unwind and retreat into myself a bit.
I told dh when we were putting the kids to bed that I was going to have a long bath with all my new stuff and an early night to have a chance to recharge. He thinks that would be very rude and that the guests will think that I don’t want them there if I disappear upstairs.

Sitting downstairs dreaming of the red hot bath I could be having with all my new bath products. With a new book I got and can’t wait to read and then put on my new comfy pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers. While everyone rehashes the same conversations we’ve already had and opens another bottle of wine.

Ps: I would 100% tell them what I was doing and why I wouldn’t just disappear.
There are 3 bathrooms so if anyone else fancied a bath and an early night they also could.
And all of the kids are in bed, and fingers crossed will stay there they are all as shattered as I am

YABU- it would be rude
YANBU- get yourself in that bath and have an early night

OP posts:

ConfusedAndStressed95 · 28/12/2019 20:24

It's family do what you want. In my family we'd not be bothered or upset and tbh if I was staying with a friend she'd likely do that or I'd do that and none of us would care.

AlexaPourMeAnEggnog · 28/12/2019 20:26

Good god woman, you don’t have super powers. I was wrecked after Christmas Day. Take whatever time you need. Your guests don’t need an explanation.

Poetryinaction · 28/12/2019 20:34

Don't invite people if you don't want to talk to them. It doesn't matter what you did prior to them arriving. Imagine if they turned up and said they didn't want to see you.

manicmij · 28/12/2019 20:36

Why did you agree to host the family after all the other activities? Sounds like all the lovely bath stuff etc is of more of importance than the guests.

LittleOne61 · 28/12/2019 20:37

I would absolutely love this option as a guest. You've spent all day together - no need to spend all evening too. Your husband can look after them if they need it.

Willow2017 · 28/12/2019 21:01

Don't invite people if you don't want to talk to them. It doesn't matter what you did prior to them arriving. Imagine if they turned up and said they didn't want to see you

Good God they spent the whole day with them.and they are there for a week is op not supposed to leave thier side for a week? Not supposed to wash?
If you rtft you would see that the cousin ran.a bath for op then did the same as op herself.

NoseyBuggerMummy · 28/12/2019 21:26

Don't invite people if you don't want to talk to them. It doesn't matter what you did prior to them arriving. Imagine if they turned up and said they didn't want to see you

lol it may surprise you to know that on a week long visit your guests definitely do not want to speak to you for every second of the day. Everyone needs a break from each other however well they get along!

skyblu · 28/12/2019 22:47

If I were staying somewhere for a week, at this busy time of year and had spent 2-3 days on the go.....I’d be delighted if the host said they were going to do this AND there are spare bathrooms for me to do the same! Bring it on! And actually, how welcoming to made to feel part of the family like that, relaxed & informal!

Go for it OP.
A well deserved night off for everyone, with creature comforts, then back to it tomorrow!

HeyMac · 28/12/2019 22:53

This needs to happen more when people have guests. Being "on" for a whole week isn't restful or relaxing. Acting much more causally also gives them permission to do so too!

ferntwist · 28/12/2019 23:01

Not rude at all!

MaButterface · 29/12/2019 01:15

Absolutely fine. If I were the guest, I'd wish you take your husband too!

MumsGiraffeNet · 29/12/2019 01:29

I don't think it would necessarily be rude maybe just a little bit unexplained. I would say to your family that your going to take a nice relaxing bath and then after your bath come back downstairs for an hour or so and the simply go to bead it won't cause any harm and I would like that was rude as the guest.

Catsinthecupboard · 29/12/2019 01:56

Please tell them and go enjoy!
They are probably exhausted as well.

1300cakes · 29/12/2019 02:06

It wouldn't seem rude at all. If I was a guest I'd hate to be "hosted" in the way your DH is suggesting every night for a week. I'd need time to relax too.

MumsGiraffeNet · 29/12/2019 02:08

@1300cakes I think your totally right everyone deserves the time to relax and enjoy a bubble bath!

Queenest · 29/12/2019 02:09

I love a happy ending

MumsGiraffeNet · 29/12/2019 02:10

@Queenest

PanicAndRun · 29/12/2019 02:12

You can so easily spot the people that haven't RTFT on this one.

Queenest · 29/12/2019 02:13

MumsGiraffeNet · 29/12/2019 02:14

@PanicAndRun I wonder who that's aimed at?

melj1213 · 29/12/2019 02:46

It is never unreasonable to want some alone time. I am an introvert, I love socialising but I "recharge" my energy by having alone time, so after multiple days of having people in my house I need time away for myself.

If I am close enough to host someone for multiple days then I am close enough to them to say "I need an early night after all the festivities so I'm going to go for a bath and head to bed. See you in the morning!"

It would be one thing if guests were there for just the one night and you took yourself off to the bath but on a multiple day visit, everyone needs some time to themselves. I went to family for Christmas day and by the end of the evening we were spread over 2 rooms and 2 of their 4 teenage kids had taken themselves to their rooms early as they were just done with all the socialising, and that's just with family that they see regularly.

StarlightLady · 29/12/2019 03:03

Not rude. You did not invite them on the basis you would be with them 24/7.

Some people will be sugesting you sleep with them next!

Baxterbear · 29/12/2019 04:05

YANBU woman 😁. If, as you say, you have a fab relationship with your guests then i am 100% positive that they will not mind you pampering yourself and hitting the hay early. They have seen you run round like a mad thing for days and will not think you discourteous in the slightest. Enjoy your soak and new book! (Os what book is it?). Get those taps running now.....

BINGOatthecasino · 29/12/2019 04:27

Why did I cringe so much at this? 🥴

minesagin37 · 29/12/2019 05:13

Why invite people for that length of time if you can't tolerate it. Two days is my max. at Xmas. I don't invite people for longer than 2 days and I don't stay longer than 2 days.

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