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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this be rude when I have guests?

202 replies

Rose789 · 27/12/2019 20:01

Dh’s cousin, wife and kids are staying with us for a week. Lovely family we both invited them and are thrilled they are here.
The only thing is I am knackered after a few late nights and early mornings. We hosted Christmas Day for 14 people, yesterday was spent at family parties, today we’ve been out and about all day with them. I’ve reached my limit of people for the day and just want to unwind and retreat into myself a bit.
I told dh when we were putting the kids to bed that I was going to have a long bath with all my new stuff and an early night to have a chance to recharge. He thinks that would be very rude and that the guests will think that I don’t want them there if I disappear upstairs.

Sitting downstairs dreaming of the red hot bath I could be having with all my new bath products. With a new book I got and can’t wait to read and then put on my new comfy pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers. While everyone rehashes the same conversations we’ve already had and opens another bottle of wine.

Ps: I would 100% tell them what I was doing and why I wouldn’t just disappear.
There are 3 bathrooms so if anyone else fancied a bath and an early night they also could.
And all of the kids are in bed, and fingers crossed will stay there they are all as shattered as I am

YABU- it would be rude
YANBU- get yourself in that bath and have an early night

OP posts:
fourandnomore · 27/12/2019 20:22

That’s hilarious. Ah well, enjoy your bath and book both of you!

TheFuckingDogs · 27/12/2019 20:22

Not rude and you sound like you’re in exactly the same mood I’m in today - I bet some in their party may also appreciate the chance to do the same!

Notonthestairs · 27/12/2019 20:22

Enjoy!

Fefifofaff · 27/12/2019 20:22

Amazing update! Well done cousins wife 🙌

holly40 · 27/12/2019 20:23

Sounds lovely & exactly what you both need Smile. Happy relaxing!

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/12/2019 20:23

Your husband's cousin's wife is lovely.

Sexnotgender · 27/12/2019 20:23

Great! Also I bet you’re glad you said nice things about them on here😂

FusionChefGeoff · 27/12/2019 20:25

I think once you get past 48 hours of visiting that's fine. I hosted from 4pm Xmas eve until 8pm Boxing Day and we were all 'on' the whole time chatting, games etc.

However, when we go away with same group of family for a long weekend or week, it's perfectly fine and encouraged for people to have some downtime.

TrickyKid · 27/12/2019 20:26

Not rude at all. A week itf guests would be too much for me, I'd be disappearing every night. I'm sure they want a bit if time to themselves too. Go for it, I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I were your guest.

McCanne · 27/12/2019 20:27

Not rude. Get in the bath and relax.

thebakerwithboobs · 27/12/2019 20:28

Brilliant update OP but am interested to know why your husband seems to think you're the only one hosting?! They are guests at your house so surely he could say 'Rose seems shattered so I'm going to run her a bath in a bit and tell her to get her head down, so you're stuck with me for the evening! Pub or Monopoly?!' Note for your cousin-when the bath is run, get downstairs and tell OP's husband he's a bit crap.

NannyPear · 27/12/2019 20:29

Not rude at all. They're probably hoping for a similar chilled night tbh.

Bluerussian · 27/12/2019 20:31

Go and have your bath now, no-one will mind. It's quite normal after a full on two or three days and you'll be refreshed for tomorrow.

KitKat1985 · 27/12/2019 20:33

Lovely update. Smile

Personally I think if you only had guests for one or two nights then it would probably be a bit rude, but I think if you have guests for a week then understandably you are all going to need a bit of space and downtime.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/12/2019 20:33

Love your update op Grin I can’t get in and out of the bath since an injury and I’m a smidge jealous!

Kungfupanda67 · 27/12/2019 20:34

@thebakerwithboobs I know Mumsnet loves a bit of man-bashing but how have you jumped to the conclusion that her husband is a bit crap?
The OP didn’t say ‘my husband has decided to go to the pub on his own for some ‘him time’ and has told me I can’t have a bath because I’m hosting his cousin’. They’re both hosting aren’t they 🤷‍♀️ He thinks it’s rude because it would make the guests feel unwanted, not because the OP should be walking round with canapés as the sole host

gumpforestgump · 27/12/2019 20:34

Well done cousins wife 👏

Chloemol · 27/12/2019 20:34

They are family, I don’t see what the problem would be n having a bath and early night

Lifeisabeach09 · 27/12/2019 20:34

Just tell them you're having an early night. You've no obligation to stay up late with your guests every night.

cultmaskid · 27/12/2019 20:36

Love this thread

Dieu · 27/12/2019 20:36

Totally fine OP. Enjoy!

thebakerwithboobs · 27/12/2019 20:37

know Mumsnet loves a bit of man-bashing but how have you jumped to the conclusion that her husband is a bit crap?

Because he's told his knackered wife that having a bath and a rest is rude! He could just support her and 'host' himself rather than make her feel rude enough that she feels the need to post on here!

CactusAndCacti · 27/12/2019 20:37

What a lovely conclusion.

2020BetterBeBetter · 27/12/2019 20:37

I’m glad your cousin’s wife understands.

I think that when you are hosting good friends and/or family the great thing is that you can be so much more relaxed around them and know they will understand and not find it rude. It would be different if they were staying up alone without any company and you were questioning whether they would understand but your husband is with them.

CherryPavlova · 27/12/2019 20:42

Not rude at all. It’s all in the communication and expectations. Just disappearing without a word would be rude.
Saying I need a bit of quiet space and self indulgence, so am going off or a long bubbling bath - do help yourself to drinks or whatever you want. Not rude at all.