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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this be rude when I have guests?

202 replies

Rose789 · 27/12/2019 20:01

Dh’s cousin, wife and kids are staying with us for a week. Lovely family we both invited them and are thrilled they are here.
The only thing is I am knackered after a few late nights and early mornings. We hosted Christmas Day for 14 people, yesterday was spent at family parties, today we’ve been out and about all day with them. I’ve reached my limit of people for the day and just want to unwind and retreat into myself a bit.
I told dh when we were putting the kids to bed that I was going to have a long bath with all my new stuff and an early night to have a chance to recharge. He thinks that would be very rude and that the guests will think that I don’t want them there if I disappear upstairs.

Sitting downstairs dreaming of the red hot bath I could be having with all my new bath products. With a new book I got and can’t wait to read and then put on my new comfy pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers. While everyone rehashes the same conversations we’ve already had and opens another bottle of wine.

Ps: I would 100% tell them what I was doing and why I wouldn’t just disappear.
There are 3 bathrooms so if anyone else fancied a bath and an early night they also could.
And all of the kids are in bed, and fingers crossed will stay there they are all as shattered as I am

YABU- it would be rude
YANBU- get yourself in that bath and have an early night

OP posts:
Butteredtoast55 · 27/12/2019 20:14

Totally not rude and probably a relief for the guests to think they can also chill out and have an earlier night or read in peace. I’ve done this before and left the guests with the TV remote and a bottle of wine and everyone is happy!

christmasathome · 27/12/2019 20:14

If they were there for a couple of nights then its a little rude but the fact they are there for a week means life should somewhat go on as normal. Enjoy your bath!

Toooldtobearsed2 · 27/12/2019 20:14

It's family. Of course it's not rude!
"I am knackered, going to luxuriate in the bath for a couple of hours, help yourselves to anything you fancy"
Job done.

GreenTulips · 27/12/2019 20:14

Bet the DW would also welcome a break - tel her your going for bath and she’s welcome to use one of the others, recommend a book or give the Netflix password ....

Italiandreams · 27/12/2019 20:14

If they are staying a week, definitely not rude! I would grateful that someone else brought it up first, would people really felt they needed to be in each other’s pockets the whole time when they had a week together?

Lovebeingmama · 27/12/2019 20:15

Not rude at all! You have been running around after everyone else for the past few days. Who would begrudge you a bit of me time?!

WorldsOnFire · 27/12/2019 20:15

Not rude at all as long as you go with a ‘Would you mind if I grabbed a bath and went to bed early? I’m completely exhausted and we can do a nice breakfast tomorrow instead.’

Personally as a guest I LOVE when this happens ❤️🙈

CalleighDoodle · 27/12/2019 20:16

Not rude. Just say as youre exhausted youre going for a bath and an early night. If anyone else wants one...

damnthatanxiety · 27/12/2019 20:16

They are with you for a week. It is not rude to have an early evening during that week. FFS MNers who find everything rude.

andyjusthangingaround · 27/12/2019 20:16

@Rose789
At 5 pm probably... but it’s 8 pm now!
I would excuse myself and wish everyone a good night, without any reasoning, just Good Night All...
You deserve a bath, and they might be knackered as well but don’t want to be ‘rude’

Enjoy your lovely presents ☺️

Dreamersandwishers · 27/12/2019 20:17

Sounds perfectly fine to me. If I was the guest, I would assume you were pretty comfortable with me in the house, and I would happily read my book or post on MN or whatever.
Just tell them and enjoy the rest .

Spacebowlisback · 27/12/2019 20:17

Surely they’re dying for permission to do the same? I would be!

WarmSausageTea · 27/12/2019 20:18

They’re with you for a week, I can’t think they’ll mind if you do this - but I would say before doing it, rather than just disappearing off.

Original poster
Rose789 · 27/12/2019 20:18

Cousins wife is on Mumsnet -waves Grin
She came back from the bathroom and has set the bath running for me after recognizing me from here Blush.
She’s going to do the same as me and is I think even more giddy about it then I am.
Our DH’s can entertain each other and watch the films they keep suggesting that I keep saying no too.
Thanks everyone I’m off to look like a boiled lobster Xmas Smile

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 27/12/2019 20:18

I recognise that 3 nights is my limit for guests - but if more than that I'd definitely have to 'chill out' on my own any way I could. Not rude at all - any guests would appreciate being put up for a week and not even think the host chilling was rude.

Tattooedmama · 27/12/2019 20:18

Not rude at all, it sounds heaven
Go enjoy your bath, they dont need babysitting and may be relieved for a bit of chill time without entertaining each other

MomOfABeast · 27/12/2019 20:19

If they were only there for one night it would be rude but for a week they'll be expecting you off doing your own things occasionally.

Dutch1e · 27/12/2019 20:19

I also love it when my host is completely themselves.

With a week-long stay it's ruder to do alter your behaviour based on what you think a guest might want rather than just get one with it and trust them to be adults (entertain themselves like they do in their own home)

TheLittleBrownFox · 27/12/2019 20:20

I'd completely understand and do an internal dance for joy that you'd just given me permission to have some quiet time too :)

user1473878824 · 27/12/2019 20:20

I can’t explain why, but if you went to bed early I’d think it was fine, but it’s the long bath and a book that’s pushing it into rude for me.

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/12/2019 20:20

Family, here for a while week should appreciate the need for a host to wind down a bit. They may well feel the same in a day or two. Your husband will be with them so grab that bubble bath and relax a bit.

user1473878824 · 27/12/2019 20:20

I’ve just seen your update so ignore everything I said! Perfect.

Spacebowlisback · 27/12/2019 20:21

Brilliant. And phew!

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 27/12/2019 20:21

Your cousin's wife sounds lovely!
Enjoy that bath!

Iggleonkupsy · 27/12/2019 20:22

I love that your cousin's wife saw this! Brilliant. By the way, this is NOT rude at all.

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