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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this be rude when I have guests?

202 replies

Rose789 · 27/12/2019 20:01

Dh’s cousin, wife and kids are staying with us for a week. Lovely family we both invited them and are thrilled they are here.
The only thing is I am knackered after a few late nights and early mornings. We hosted Christmas Day for 14 people, yesterday was spent at family parties, today we’ve been out and about all day with them. I’ve reached my limit of people for the day and just want to unwind and retreat into myself a bit.
I told dh when we were putting the kids to bed that I was going to have a long bath with all my new stuff and an early night to have a chance to recharge. He thinks that would be very rude and that the guests will think that I don’t want them there if I disappear upstairs.

Sitting downstairs dreaming of the red hot bath I could be having with all my new bath products. With a new book I got and can’t wait to read and then put on my new comfy pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers. While everyone rehashes the same conversations we’ve already had and opens another bottle of wine.

Ps: I would 100% tell them what I was doing and why I wouldn’t just disappear.
There are 3 bathrooms so if anyone else fancied a bath and an early night they also could.
And all of the kids are in bed, and fingers crossed will stay there they are all as shattered as I am

YABU- it would be rude
YANBU- get yourself in that bath and have an early night

OP posts:
Original poster
Rose789 · 27/12/2019 22:11

Best bath ever! I’ve used that many products it was like a slip and slide getting out of the bugger! Now I’m off to my little bed.
Luckily our guests are lovely- can you imagine if I was slating them! But we genuinely enjoy them staying with us.
For all of those concerned about dh he has done much more than me this Christmas. We normally split things 50/50 and play to each other’s strengths. But Christmas cooking/cleaning/washing up was much more like 70/30 thanks to a clingy teething baby who refused to let me put down for much of the day.
Im going to have an early night and then dh can have a lie in in the morning while I do breakfast. Hopefully we’ll all be refreshed and ready for more festivities

OP posts:
spingly · 27/12/2019 22:13

But maybe @thebakerwithboobs he thought it was ride, he is entitled to a differing opinion, even if he is male...

Original poster
Rose789 · 27/12/2019 22:13

@PleasantVille we were both secretly Mumsnet ting at the same time. She was upstairs “checking on the kids” I was in the kitchen Grin
Both busted now

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 27/12/2019 22:14

You’ll both be rude by the end if this thread 🙄I suggest you both stop reading it now 😊

Befire reading your update, I was going to say I agree with @user1473878824

I can’t explain why, but if you went to bed early I’d think it was fine, but it’s the long bath and a book that’s pushing it into rude for me

I think it’s the doing something else that makes it seem toon whereas sleeping doesn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

Spacebowlisback · 27/12/2019 22:15

I would never ever someone to be with me constantly for a week. I can’t manage that with my own kids!

spingly · 27/12/2019 22:16

@Pixxie7 excellent update and good you've confirmed that your OH is no way in the wrong for having a different opinion to yours!

Do take note @thebakerwithboobs and @MintyMabel, not all men are instantly wrong by virtue of them being male.

GreenTulips · 27/12/2019 22:19

LOL I knew she’d agree!! Probably fed up of her other half! Sneak off for a coffee tomorrow and leave the boys to entertain the kids..... collaboration is everything

Actionhasmagic · 27/12/2019 22:24

Not rude! Go for it!

spingly · 27/12/2019 22:30

Sorry @Pixxie7 tagged you in error!

TimeIhadaNameChange · 27/12/2019 22:32

What a brilliant thread! Hope CW enjoyed her bath as much as you did, and the boys enjoyed their films.

AndAnotherNameChanger · 27/12/2019 22:37

If they were visiting for a night or two it'd be rude. Visiting for a week, not a problem at all to take yourself off for the odd stretch of time.

AndAnotherNameChanger · 27/12/2019 22:39

Whoops should have read the updates first - which are great btw

Natsel84 · 27/12/2019 22:39

Nah your not being rude . I would.go in the bath with my rubber duck and goggles and stay there with a good book and glass of wine to be fair

MintyMabel · 27/12/2019 22:52

@spingly

I’m thinking Internet forums aren’t for you if you can’t handle opinions. Perhaps go and find some trees to shout at.

spingly · 27/12/2019 22:57

@MintyMabel but the question was not us my DH being unreadable? It was am I being unreasonable, your view on the perfectly reasonable DH was not requested. Which is why only two posters brought the DH into it! Try reading the OP and answer the question asked? Not decide that you are entitled to knock the DH because you just feel like it.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 27/12/2019 22:58

Love the cousin's wife!!

spingly · 27/12/2019 22:58

*unreasonable not unreachable

IdblowJonSnow · 27/12/2019 23:18

I'd just say you've got a headache and need a bath/early night to shift it.
It wouldnt offend me but can see why others might be a bit put out.

Notnownotneverever · 27/12/2019 23:22

The bath is rude. YANBU to go to bed much earlier though

ActualHornist · 27/12/2019 23:27

I find it so weird that some people could have close family stay with them for a week and still find this rude.

I’m staying with my mum and her partner over Christmas, she regularly goes to bed before us. It’s fine. Why would it not be? We’re not basically acquaintances that need to be ‘hosting’ all the time.

Jellybeansincognito · 27/12/2019 23:29

I don’t think you’re being rude. Christmas is overwhelming.

A ‘I love having you all here but I feel like I need to recharge for continued festivities so I’m going to treat myself to a bath, book and bed night. There’s 2 other baths free if anyone else wants to do the same, make yourselves at home!’ Would be music to my ears as a guest too haha.

eaglejulesk · 27/12/2019 23:36

I don't think it's rude. Just tell them you are tired and fancy a relaxing bath and an early night.

MoaningMinniee · 27/12/2019 23:38

Anyone other than me remember the holiday hotel from hell thread where two MNetters discovered each other and managed to organise a refund? Italian Lakes. We are amazing.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/12/2019 23:39

I would choose to not host at all if it was frowned upon to have an early night just ONCE in the whole week after running round after everyone all the time.

MoaningMinniee · 27/12/2019 23:40

Oh and I'm doing exactly what op and op's cousin are doing... loitering upstairs in jimjams post bath farting about on mumsnet Grin